There’s an endless stream of starlets to be judged and outfits to be torn apart.
FAN BINGBING at the Tokyo Film Festival// gown by Jason Wu, shoes by Christian Louboutin
Fan Bingbing is my obsession, even though I probably can’t even pronounce the title of a single movie she’s in. She’s an A-list movie star in Asia, and she’s got better red carpet instincts than almost any other woman on the planet. Kudos to her for rocking this divalicious and dramatic gown, which your average woman would look quite silly in. I think this dress is truly a work of art, and she was smart to go for relaxed hair and makeup, no necklace, and a simple but blinging purse and bracelet. But the lilac glittering shoes are such a stroke of genius. By all rules of fashion, they shouldn’t work, but they totally do.
DITA VON TEESE at the launch of her clothing line in Melbourne, Australia
Did you know Dita is 39 years old? Congratulations, lady, because in this photo, you don’t look a day over 29. The dress is totally her style and fits her beautifully. The straps are super adorable, and the simple styling works well.
LADY GAGA in New Delhi, India // gown by Naeem Khan
Work it OUT, Mother Monster! From hair to glasses to jewelry to that fabulous gown, I’m all about this look. I’m just a little surprised at how bulky it makes Gaga look. She’s a tiny little thing, but looks strangely stocky, which makes me think the dress doesn’t really fit her all that well. But in spite of it, she looks beyond phenomenal.
ROSE MCGOWAN at the amfAR gala in Los Angeles // suit by Tom Ford
Love the suit, but wish she hadn’t copped out with just a flimsy tank under it. This was a moment for fabulous shoes and interesting jewelry, but she kind of just threw on a great suit and gave up on the rest. Still working it, though.
ELLE FANNING at a Chanel dinner in Los Angeles // top and shorts by Chanel
Perfect. She looks super-chic, but more importantly, she still looks like a teenager. Appropriate and adorable.
KATE BOSWORTH at a Chanel dinner in Los Angeles // top, skirt, purse and shoes by Chanel
Obsessed with the skirt; in love with the shoes, but not necessarily with this outfit; wishing Kate Bosworth didn’t always have that terrifyingly vacant expression on her face, because it makes me feel like she’s seconds away from murdering me with her mind.
KATE BOSWORTH at a Burberry event in Beverly Hills // dress by Burberry Prorsum
The shape of that dress is a little messy up top, but the print, colors, and overall look is pretty fabulous. The purse is incredibly distracting, but the shoes are perfect. I do wish she’d pick a hair color that’s actually believable and a tad more makeup, because this surfer-girl styling doesn’t quite work for that dress.
HAILEE STEINFELD at a Chanel dinner in Los Angeles // dress, purse and shoes by Chanel
Love the shoes, but I’m not a big fan of anything else. And darling, you’re basically a fetus – there’s no need to wear that much makeup, at least until you’re old enough to have something to hide.
FREIDA PINTO at the Qatar premiere of Black Gold // gown by Salvatore Ferragamo
If the woman’s wardrobe gets any more boring, I might stop writing about her completely, but I can’t deny that this color is astounding on her. The rope tied around her waist is killing me – do we really need tassels hanging off of our evening gowns?! – but everything else is understated-chic.
SANDRA BULLOCK at the amfAR gala in Los Angeles // dress by AllSaints, blazer by Stella McCartney, purse and shoes by Jimmy Choo
Sandra’s usually a red carpet disaster, particularly at lower-profile events, so I’m proud of the girl for pulling this shit together. The blazer is gorgeous, and it looks great paired with her sparkly mini-dress. The accessories add just the right amount of glitz, the hair is inoffensive, and the makeup is glam.
CAT DEELEY at a Chanel dinner in Los Angeles
Oh, I long for the days when women everywhere stop wearing sheer dresses over mini-dresses in varying shades of vomit that drape and droop all over the place. Blechhh.
AMBER HEARD at the New York premiere of The Rum Diary // dress by Jean Paul Gaultier
The hair is so horrible it’s actually hilarious. I haven’t seen hair this bad since Cameron Diaz used spooj as hair gel in There’s Something About Mary. And while the gown seems like it could be glam on someone like Gaga, it doesn’t really fit Amber, literally or figuratively.
OLIVIA PALERMO at Macy’s // dress by Giambattista Valli, purse by Mango, shoes by Zara
As my months of blogging turn into years, I have actually turned the corner on Olivia Palermo. I thought she was just another famous-for-no-reason socialite with too much time and money on her hands – all of which is probably true – but it took me longer to really appreciate her fashion aesthetic. Nowadays, I regularly see looks on her that I know I should hate, but I can’t, because she really has a knack for making a weird combination of shit look pretty amazing.
This is no exception. She appears to be wearing a velvet romper – just say it out loud, and it sounds absurd. But she paired it with that stunning military-style blazer, which keeps the look chic and classic. The purse is beautiful, and the shoes should be comical, but I just find them a whole lot of awesome. They bring out the pop of silver in the purse and bring some much-needed brightness into an otherwise all-black look.
HEIDI KLUM at a Teen Nick event // dress by Versace, shoes by Jimmy Choo
I’m going to be tough on Heidi for making us all suffer through this bullshit season of Project Runway. First of all, that dress is boring as fuck except for that ugly Dr. Seuss stripe. And another Diva’s Rule: If your legs match the orange carpeting, it’s time to lay off the spray tan.
SARAH JESSICA PARKER at a gala in New York City // dress by Antonio Berardi, shoes by Manolo Blahnik
I don’t love the textured tights, because they add to the eight million different shades of gray and black that she’s wearing, but this is fairly chic.
SARAH JESSICA PARKER at the New York premiere of Tower Heist // dress by Narcisco Rodriguez, shoes by Manolo Blahnik
Awful. A ten-year-old girl would look at this dress and say, “I’m getting too old for this shit.”
LEELEE SOBIESKI at a Fashion Group International event in New York City // blouse and skirt by Jil Sander
Is this super chic and fashion-forward, or does she actually just look like an extra bride on the compound on Big Love?
ROSIE HUNTINGTON-WHITELEY at a Burberry event in Beverly Hills // dress and shoes by Burberry
Rosie, your beginner’s luck on the red carpet has run out. Make changes accordingly. In case you’re unaware, we’ve seen six thousand little nude dresses paired with strappy nude/gold heels, so you better have more to show us than this boring crap. Also, dresses should fit your breasts. Just a thought.
LEIGHTON MEESTER at a Roger Vivier cocktail party // dress by J. Mendel, purse and shoes by Roger Vivier
I still can’t believe how bad these bangs are. I stopped watching Gossip Girl years ago, but has Blair Waldorf become a my-bangs-are-so-ugly-they’re-cute hipster? I object, and I object to this dress, which is kind of an eyesore.
JESSICA BIEL at a Fashion Group International event in New York City // gown and belt by Giambattista Valli
Hilarious. I hope those wings are strong enough for Jessica to fly away, so that I never have to see her bad taste on the red carpet again.
MAGGIE GYLLENHAAL at the Rome International Film Festival // dress by Dries Van Noten
Maggie, you’re only 33 years old. Please explain why Helen Mirren dresses younger than you. Don’t even bother defending this shapeless muumuu, which is atrocious to begin with. Paired with your nun stockings and the universe’s ugliest cork wedges, you’ve lost your red carpet privileges and have ignited the wrath of the Diva. Beware.