An embellished LBD isn’t exactly groundbreaking, but you can’t deny that this dress is adorable. Although the prevalence of black pumps at this event was a huge mistake – did no one know there would be a black carpet, and thus almost everyone at this event would look like they didn’t have feet? Anyway, I’d usually criticize the lazy hair, but at an event celebrating the boys, the ladies shouldn’t have to try TOO hard. Of course, the clown makeup is atrocious. I bet Justin was pissed that she left red lipstick marks all over his suit pants.
KERRY WASHINGTON// dress by Prabal Gurung
An adorable dress, but it’s one of those cuts that really makes you look like you’re wearing a tunic and no pants. Which I suppose she is. But I like the flapper style on a long-sleeved minidress, and her hair and makeup look beautiful.
JAIME KING // dress by Oscar de la Renta
Jaime. Please. Give up on the platinum hair. You look absurd, particularly with that uber-blunt haircut. And this is WAY too much dress for the GQ Awards. GQ requires effortless sexiness, not prissy, over-designed cocktail dresses.
ZOOEY DESCHANEL // shoes by Miu Miu
She always dresses like a child, which absolutely kills me. The conservatively cut dress with the pleated skirt, the stockings, the shoes that are every little girl’s fantasy – I’d just love to see Zooey dress like she’s more than eleven years old, for once.
ELISABETH MOSS // dress by Cushnie et Ochs
She’s in desperate need of accessories, but she looks bangin’ in this dress. Love the cut-outs.
ALISON BRIE // dress by Mackage
Alison Brie is very close to the top of my celebrity lesbian fantasy list, in spite of the fact that she virtually never looks as good as she should on the red carpet. She’s a tiny Jewish girl with perfect tits and great comedy AND drama chops, so I’m always on her team. And though there’s nothing particularly offensive about this outfit, I just want her to wear something worthy of how fucking awesome she is. Also, #savecommunity.
EMMA ROBERTS // dress by ASOS
Emma, why don’t you ever take my advice about your hair? I know you spend most days obsessively reading Democracy Diva, searching for the bits of wisdom I direct at you, but my words seem to go in one ear and out the other. Your roots and tips should not be at opposite ends of a color wheel, darling. But thank you for bringing a much-needed pop of color to this particular
red black carpet. That dress actually fits you perfectly and is event-appropriate.
You can always count on a Pussycat Doll to pull out the skintight black leather dress. It’s almost depressingly dark, and it’s tight to an unflattering degree – she looks like a drag queen with a leather fetish.
ANNA FARIS // dress by Preen
Dressing like a high school cheerleader in the 1950s is certainly one way to get the attention of the GQ Men of the Year. Also, I find myself once again recommending a darker hair color. Platinum looks good on almost no one above the age of five.
MINKA KELLY // dress by Versus, shoes by Brian Atwood
It’s not an LBD, so I guess I should be thankful for that. But I can’t really work up any compliments for this look. There’s a few too many unflattering design elements, like those hideous pockets (and I practically always love a dress with pockets) and that curved line over her tummy. And that cocktail ring looks like a leech.
LAKE BELL // dress by Andrew Gn
Okay, Lake Bell. You’ve shown enough cleavage that I’m paying attention to you. Are you happy now? You might want to consider losing the shoes, and the implants, and invest in a hair/makeup artist.
A lacy LBD with black pumps? I love me some Judy Greer, but, snooze.
It’s less boring than most, even if it’s not particularly pretty. Hair and makeup are effortlessly gorgeous.
Are we really wearing belts tucked into wrap dresses now? Because I REFUSE to let that become a thing.
Right, like we haven’t seen this Herve Leger knockoff six thousand times before. She’d look much tinier in something less obnoxiously tight.
No, Sarah. No.
Almost obnoxiously nerdy.
Cute, but not loving the tie/shirt combo.
JOHN CHO // suit by Simon Spurr
The tie’s too wide, and I’m not sold on the shoes. But I do like being able to actually see the shoes against the black carpet. And he looks cute as hell.
Nice suit, although he kind of looks like a brick wall.
CHRIS PINE // suit by Ralph Lauren
Phenomenal, in spite of the wide tie.
That sad little bow tie is killing me.
Are there even words to describe this man? There are, but they’re too X-rated for this blog.