Let’s cut the small talk and get straight to the judging.

DITA VON TEESE in New York City

Sex on a stick, with a hefty amount of drama to boot. Love the cut-out, and I love her white skin contrasted with the black gown, black hair, red lips and red nails. The gown’s a teensy bit long, but not so much that it looks sloppy or accidental.

ZOE SALDANA in Los Angeles // dress, purse and shoes by Michael Kors

That color really is fantastic on her. Chic hair, cute lipstick, gorgeous accessories. Work it out, Zoe!

LADY GAGA in London // dress by Roksanda Ilincic, fascinator by Philip Treacy, shoes by Christian Louboutin

Lady Gaga and her favorite gay bouncer Lord Ginger hit the streets of London. I’m impressed that he’s capable of not staring at the giant pink sperm on her head.

LADY GAGA in London // top and pants by Osman

Lady Gaga and Lord Ginger again. He’s looking fantastic as always in a button-down, blazer, and jeans. (C’mon, if he’s in every picture of her, I have to start commenting on his outfits too!) And Gaga is still clearly in her Crayola phase, which I adore, if only for those amazing matching gloves.

SALMA HAYEK at a Mexico City photocall for Puss in Boots // dress by Bottega Veneta

Cute, but a few little twists to make it fit better would improve things dramatically. It’s certainly interesting, I’ll give her that.

VICTORIA BECKHAM // dress by Victoria Beckham, shoes by Christian Louboutin

Ugh. It’s not fair that she gets that dress, those shoes, and that adorable baby. I should at least get one of them, even just to play with for an hour.

ANNA WINTOUR at the CFDA/Vogue Fashion Fund Awards // dress by Marni

BOW DOWN, Y’ALL. This is just my favorite Anna look. She’s just on another level of fierce.

OLIVIA WILDE at the CFDA/Vogue Fashion Fund Awards // dress by Cushnie et Ochs

Sweet, sexy and chic. Love the soft hair and thick eyeliner. Adorable accessories, too!

AMANDA SEYFRIED at the CFDA/Vogue Fashion Fund Awards // dress by Prabal Gurung, shoes by Prabal Gurung for Nicholas Kirkwood

A dress with a busy bottom should NEVER be worn with busy shoes. There’s far too much happening here.

MIA WASIKOWSKA at the CFDA/Vogue Fashion Fund Awards // dress by Rodarte

Makeup! Highlights! Bronzing lotions! Explore them, darling.

CHLOË MORETZ at the CFDA/Vogue Fashion Fund Awards // dress by Suno

She’s wearing a kimono and cage shoes, but she’s still cute as a button. Or a button who will look back on this picture in five years and blush.

SHAILENE WOODLEY at the Los Angeles premiere of The Descendants // dress by Dolce & Gabbana, shoes by Rachel Zoe

I’m never into GIIIIIANT florals, particularly when it’s pastel on black, but this girl looks too adorable. Great fit, appropriate shoes – she just needs some jewelry and a better hairdo.

RACHEL BILSON in Los Angeles // blazer by Vanessa Bruno, t-shirt by The Row, jeans by Goldsign, purse by Miu Miu, shoes by Christian Louboutin

The hat is stupid and the purse is almost obnoxiously large, but that blazer is really gorgeous.

JENNIFER HUDSON at a gala in New York City

Peplum skirts are everywhere, which I don’t necessarily love. But very thin ankle straps are also everywhere, which I definitely love. So this would strike even, if it weren’t for the visible pit stains. Someone should be fired for that oversight.

JESSICA BIEL // dress by Roland Mouret, purse by Tod’s, shoes by Christian Louboutin

The accessories are better than the dress, which doesn’t seem to fit her at all. And what’s happening on the middle finger of her left hand? Is that supposed to be jewelry or a splint? And why is her makeup never quite right?

CAMILLA BELLE in Costa Mesa, CA // dress by Monique Lhullier

I would love this, if it didn’t look like a tacky t-shirt you can buy in the gift shop of any Atlantic City hotel. If it didn’t have that little face dress on it, it’d be great – the colors are fantastic, I love the sparkle, I love the black pumps and the blinging bracelet and the belt. But this just looks silly.

JESSICA ALBA in Los Angeles // dress by Dolce & Gabbana

This could be great if it were several inches shorter, if it didn’t do that sad drape above the waist, and if she didn’t pair it with those tacky silver peep-toes.

HAILEE STEINFELD in Los Angeles // dress by Chloë Sevigny for Opening Ceremony

Have fun dressing like this while you’re still young enough that bitchy bloggers like me won’t ream you a new one for it, Hailee. This is a mess. But a general life tip: If Chloë Sevigny designed it, it’s probably a bad idea.

NICOLE RICHIE

I like the jacket, but everything else is a nightmare. That skirt is suffering from clinical depression.

STACY KEIBLER at the Los Angeles premiere of The Descendants // gown by Naeem Khan

First of all, you look like you don’t have legs. Pop a foot, dear. Second,  we get it. You have breasts. Congratu-fucking-lations. Finally, the hair and makeup make you look like a Barbie doll cougar. Sorry, darling. Somebody had to say it.

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© Democracy Diva, 2011.
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