DITA VON TEESE in London // gown by Tadashi Shoji
Bow down. I WORSHIP this look. Nothing but ivory (dress, purse, skin), black (hair, insanely fabulous eyeliner), red (lips, nails), and BOOBS. It’s all so old Hollywood glamorous.
ZOE SALDANA in Los Angeles // top and skirt by Giambattista Valli, shoes by Giuseppe Zanotti
I’m not sold on the puffy blouse – I get what it’s trying to do, but it looks like it’s deflating on one side. But that skirt – oh, that skirt is just delicious. Seriously beautiful. Great choice of shoes, and a rare occassion where black toenail polish looks good on the red carpet.
MIRANDA KERR in Sydney // dress and purse by Louis Vuitton
This dress is fabulous on her, but I liked it even more on Rachel Bilson a year and a half ago at the 2010 Met Gala. To refresh your memory:
Hair: Miranda’s is boring, and Rachel’s was a bit of a mess. Makeup: Rachel’s, all the way. It evoked the pink and gray tones in the dress beautiful, while Miranda’s looks a little clownish. Boobs: Fantastic all around! Well done, ladies! Belts: It’s a tough one. I hate how Rachel’s belt hung down her dress; I much prefer the neater look of Miranda’s. And while the black belt is adorable and matches better, Rachel’s gray belt (though not my preferred shade of gray) doesn’t break the body up quite as harshly. You look more at the dress than the belt, which I like. Purse: Funny how similar they are, but Rachel’s was simpler and I prefer that for this look. Shoes: Rachel’s adorable sandals, by a landslide.
CATE BLANCHETT in Sydney // dress and shoes by Louis Vuitton
I don’t think this is a dress for a grown woman. On the Elle Fannings, Chloe Moretzes, and Hailee Steinfelds of the world, this look would be simply fabulous. On Cate, with those grandma white pumps? It’s a little sad. The yellow hair and black roots aren’t helping.
AMBER HEARD at the Bahamas Film Festival // dress by Dolce & Gabbana
We’ve seen every goddamn lace LWD from this Dolce & Gabbana collection on the red carpet already, so wrapping it in a tan belt with tan shoes doesn’t exactly entice me. She’s somehow trying too hard and not putting in any effort at all at the same time.
FELICITY JONES at the Gotham Independent Film Awards in New York City // dress by Proenza Schouler, shoes by Calvin Klein
I have no idea who Felicity Jones is, but she’s a British actress and she’s super cute, so let’s start paying attention to her. She’s got bedroom eyes, fabulous bangs, and a budding sense of fashion. The dress doesn’t fit perfectly, but that mint color is fantastic. It’s a dress I haven’t seen before, which I appreciate. And those shoes? Fantastic. That peachy-nude color is particularly beautiful with the dress.
FELICITY JONES at the BAFTA Awards in Beverly Hills // gown by Moschino
Love the makeup, hate the hair. The dress is a little whatever, but the purse is cute. I much prefer the mint dress, but in both cases, she should consider jewelry.
HELEN MIRREN at the BAFTA Awards in Beverly Hills
I don’t think this dress needed that extra cowl neck, or that gold purse, but it’s otherwise a beautiful gown on a fabulous woman.
HELENA BONHAM CARTER at the BAFTA Awards
See, when I wear a dress under a corset under a coat with tails, people judge me. But Helena Bonham Carter just adds a feathered fascinator, tucks her skirt into her panties, and goes on her merry way.
IMAN in New York City // gown by Zac Posen
I’m convinced this is a wax figure of Iman. There’s a bit too much going on – does the purse need to match the dress, which matches the red carpet? Do we need six diamond bracelets and black nail polish?
HEIDI KLUM in New York City // dress by Balenciaga, shoes by Christian Louboutin
It’s an awesome look. Each individual piece is great, and though it’s a little overwhelming together, check it out when she loses the outerwear:
SO fucking fierce. The dress is beautiful, the shoes are heavenly, and the belt and bracelet work nicely. If the scars of this season of Project Runway ever fade, I may actually start to like you again, Heidi.
EMILY BLUNT // suit by Tom Ford, shoes by Jessica Paster
EVERYONE STOP BUTTONING THEIR TOP BUTTONS. I refuse to sit idly by while this becomes a thing. Also, are her pants tapered into little bows at her ankles? Because that’s a problem for me. And, can I just say, what’s with the hair?
ALEXA CHUNG in Paris // jacket and dress by Burberry
You are not too interesting to have a decent haircut, Alexa. You do a disservice to your fucking amazing shoes and that fabulous Burberry coat by allowing them to be worn with that mental patient haircut. It’s offensive.
ROSIE HUNTINGTON-WHITELEY in Paris // dress and belt by Burberry, shoes by Christian Louboutin
THE HAIR, ladies. What is going on lately? The belt is too much, and the top doesn’t remotely fit her, but the skirt is fabulous and the shoes and purse are inoffensive. But I still maintain that she often looks like a caveman in a dress.
KATY PERRY at the Grammy nominations concert in Los Angeles // dress by Dolce & Gabbana
I don’t know why anyone would wear ay of the things she’s wearing. Also, if you’re wearing three shades of pink just in your hair and makeup, perhaps the time is not ripe to wear a pink dress with a lavender overlay and a purple bracelet. Ugh.
NICKI MINAJ at the Grammy nominations concert
So you can’t be a pop star without pink hair and pink lips, apparently? I’m so over this. Also, consider wearing your actual dress size, Nicki. Hint: it’s larger than whatever size this dress is.
NICKI MINAJ at the Women in Music event in New York City // gown by Versace
Do starlets understand that wearing Versace does not mean you should dress as a drag queen impersonator of Donatella Versace?
TAYLOR SWIFT at the Women in Music event // dress by Oscar de la Renta, shoes by Prada
Well, it’s not the worst thing I’ve seen. I like the bangs, but the hair is still a little Disney princess for me. The color of the dress is awesome – like, really fucking beautiful – but of course, she manages to look like a tween by matching her lipstick to it perfectly. The top of the dress doesn’t fit her at all, and the matching belt and nude shoes were pathetic styling choices. But relative to some of her even more boring fashion choices, this isn’t so terrible. At least it’s a color!