Polls on this round have now closed, but the Final Four will be posted shortly. Stay tuned!

LADY GAGA vs. CATHERINE, DUCHESS OF CAMBRIDGE

LADY GAGA: dress by Versace, shoes by Christian Louboutin // DUCHESS CATHERINE: coat by Alexander McQueen
Gaga: Well hello, Princess! Can we talk about how great being royal is? Trashy wigs and meat dresses and giant eggs and everything?

Duchess Kate: Um, darling, you’re not actually royal. And princesses certainly do not wear meat dresses.

LADY GAGA: dress by Osman, shoes by Christian Louboutin // DUCHESS CATHERINE: gown by Jenny Packham
Gaga: Oh, you’re right, Princess. I’m not royalty. I’m Lady Gaga, the daughter of an Earl, like that skinny pale bitch with the great eyebrows from Downton Abbey.

Duchess Kate: You Americans need to – how do you say it? – chillax with the Downton Abbey obsession. Fee tails are really not that interesting. And you’re from the Upper West Side! Your dad’s not an Earl, he’s an Italian New Yorker who works in telecommunications.

LADY GAGA: dress by Tom Ford // DUCHESS CATHERINE: gown by Alexander McQueen
Gaga: Looks like someone’s been reading my wikipedia page!

Duchess Kate: Married royal life is kind of boring, okay? I have a lot of limo rides where I need to ignore people and play with my iPhone.

LADY GAGA: ensemble by Salvatore Ferragamo // DUCHESS CATHERINE: gown by Jenny Packham
Gaga: Oh, you don’t pay people to do your wikipedia-ing for you? My talon-like nails don’t fit on standard keyboards, and I’ll shatter an iPhone if I even try to unlock the screen, so it’s kind of necessary to have the hot ginger guy who follows you around do those things for you.

Duchess Kate: Wait, why do you get the sexy gay ginger and I get this portly, extremely English-looking dude? You American stars really do have it all.

LADY GAGA: dress by Moschino, sunglasses by Fendi, purse by Salvatore Ferragamo // DUCHESS CATHERINE: gown by Alice by Temperley
Gaga: Yes. Because I am Lady Gaga, and that is how a Lady gets treated.

Duchess Kate: YOU ARE NOT A LADY. Lord Grantham would’ve let Lady Sybil marry his chauffeur right in his backyard before he’d call you a Lady.

LADY GAGA: gown by Chanel // DUCHESS CATHERINE: gown by Alexander McQueen
Gaga: Ha! So you do watch Downton Abbey!

Duchess Kate: Listen, even Brits are not immune to the awesomeness that is Maggie Smith.

LADY GAGA: gown by Alexander McQueen // DUCHESS CATHERINE: gown by Alexander McQueen
Gaga: Preach it, Princess. We may not agree on much, but if anyone’s royalty here, it’s Maggie Smith.

Duchess Kate: No. It’s me.

DIANNA AGRON vs. EMMA WATSON

DIANNA AGRON: dress by Louis Vuitton // EMMA WATSON: dress by McQ, shoes by Christian Louboutin
Dianna: Get a fierce black jacket, a printed dress, and some sparkly pumps on, bitch, and let’s get this party started.

Emma: Done! Who are you, again?

DIANNA AGRON: dress by Mary Katrantzou, shoes by Rodarte for Opening Ceremony // EMMA WATSON: top and skirt by Jason Wu, purse by Charlotte Olympia, shoes by Jimmy Choo
Dianna: Dianna Agron! I play Quinn Fabray on Glee.

Emma: That show’s still on?

DIANNA AGRON: dress by Stella McCartney, shoes by Yves Saint Laurent // EMMA WATSON: dress by Notte by Marchesa
Dianna: Um… yes. Wait, what does that mean?

Emma: Nothing at all, darling! Let’s wear peplum skirts and change the subject!

DIANNA AGRON: vintage dress, shoes by Yves Saint Laurent // EMMA WATSON: dress by Valentino, shoes by Christian Louboutin
Dianna: No. Let’s grab our favorite lacy dresses in primary colors while I remind you that while I’m still on a hit show… what are you even doing right now?

Emma: I’m trying not to roll my eyes at you referring to Glee as a “hit show.”

DIANNA AGRON: dress by Christian Cota, purse by Salvatore Ferragamo, shoes by Camilla Skovgaard // EMMA WATSON: dress by Elie Saab, shoes by Jimmy Choo
Dianna: Ouch. Can’t we be friends? We both have short hair and silvery cocktail dresses. That’s someplace to start.

Emma: Oh, fine. Let’s be honest – you’re no threat to me anyway.

DIANNA AGRON: gown by Carolina Herrera // EMMA WATSON: gown by Bottega Veneta
Dianna: Is your gown literally being held up by magic?!

Emma: Yes. Moron.

DIANNA AGRON: gown by Giles Deacon // EMMA WATSON: gown by Oscar de la Renta
Dianna: Well, you might be a bitch, but if your dresses involve magic… I’ve got to respect that.

Emma: I was kidding, you blithering idiot. The only magic in these dresses is ME!

EMMA STONE vs. TAYLOR SWIFT

EMMA STONE: tuxedo by Gucci // TAYLOR SWIFT: dress by Asos, jacket by Rick Owens, purse by Rugby
Emma: Hey, Swifty! Do you think there will ever be a day when you’ll wear something as interesting as a green tuxedo jacket?

Taylor: … Probably not, no.

EMMA STONE: dress by Elie Saab, purse by Salvatore Ferragamo, shoes by Brian Atwood // TAYLOR SWIFT: dress by Contrarian, shoes by Jimmy Choo
Emma: Fair enough. Let’s get our super-sweet-and-innocent on and dress like virgins.

Taylor: I don’t really know how to dress any other way.

EMMA STONE: dress, purse, and shoes by Alexander McQueen // TAYLOR SWIFT: dress by Tracy Reese, shoes by Miu Miu
Emma: That’s kind of weird, Taylor. You should maybe talk to someone about that.

Taylor: Oh, no, it’s fine. It just sells more records.

EMMA STONE: gown and purse by Lanvin // TAYLOR SWIFT: gown by Elie Saab
Emma: Um, okay. Since I’m not planning on launching a full-scale exploration into how weird you are, let’s put on gowns and stop talking.

Taylor: Don’t I look just like a Disney princess?

EMMA STONE: gown by Lanvin // TAYLOR SWIFT: gown by J. Mendel
Emma: Yes, you do. And I think that’s part of the problem.

Taylor: Fine. I can do a dramatic, look-how-interesting-I-am gown with a giant train too, you know.

EMMA STONE: gown and purse by Giambattista Valli // TAYLOR SWIFT: gown by Reem Acra
Emma: Well, you’ve certainly shown me. But let’s get colorful and see if you can defeat my berry-red gown.

Taylor: I think a princessy periwinkle will do.

EMMA STONE: gown and shoes by Lanvin // TAYLOR SWIFT: gown by J. Mendel
Emma: Well, it’s been fun competing with you, Taylor. I’m going to continue dressing my age, and you can have fun alternating between communion dresses and bridal gowns.

Taylor: Don’t worry – I will!

DITA VON TEESE vs. ROSIE HUNTINGTON-WHITELEY

DITA VON TEESE: vintage dress, purse by Dolce & Gabbana, shoes by Christian Louboutin // ROSIE HUNTINGTON-WHITELEY: dress by MaxMara, shoes by Sergio Rossi
Dita: Hello, dear. It’s cute that you think you can out-sex a burlesque star like myself, even when I’m dressed like a fabulous early 1960s housewife.

Rosie: I’m a Victoria’s Secret model! I can out-sex anyone.

DITA VON TEESE: dress by Alexis Mabille // ROSIE HUNTINGTON-WHITELEY: gown by Michael Kors
Dita: Oh, I don’t shop at Victoria’s Secret. All my lingerie is vintage, from the 1920s.

Rosie: So you’re wearing 90-year-old panties? Gross.

DITA VON TEESE: gown by Tadashi Shoji // ROSIE HUNTINGTON-WHITELEY: gown by Burberry, shoes by Christian Louboutin
Dita: Shut up and let’s have it out over whose plunging white gown is the best.

Rosie: You can’t defeat me. I put a mega-high slit in every gown I own.

DITA VON TEESE: gown by Hervé L. Leroux, purse by Christian Louboutin // ROSIE HUNTINGTON-WHITELEY: gown, purse, and shoes by Burberry
Dita: Let’s continue to show off our money-makers and add some cut-outs to the design, shall we?

Rosie: Sure! But I’m keeping my mega-high slit.

DITA VON TEESE: gown by Jenny Packham // ROSIE HUNTINGTON-WHITELEY: gown by Antonio Berardi
Dita: No high slits or plunging neckline here, darling. Just bring your favorite cap-sleeved gown in a primary color and get ready to do battle.

Rosie: That sounds like a brilliant plan.

DITA VON TEESE: gown by Jenny Packham // ROSIE HUNTINGTON-WHITELEY: gown by Naeem Khan
Dita: But it’s not a true competition until we add a metric ton of sparkle into the mix.

Rosie: You’re never fully dressed without some glitter.

DITA VON TEESE: gown by Alexis Mabille // ROSIE HUNTINGTON-WHITELEY: gown by Gucci
Dita: True. But when the stakes are high, you can’t defeat my velvet gown and its cascading flowers.

Rosie: With the power of a sheer skirt and a giant Gucci flower on my shoulder, I shall prevail.

—
© Democracy Diva, 2012.
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