March Fabness 2013, Round 2: Chanel and Gucci Brackets


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DIANE KRUGER vs. MIRANDA KERR
Diane's dress by Derek Lam, shoes by Versus; Miranda's skirt by Christian Dior, sunglasses by Miu Miu, purse by Prada, shoes by Alexander Wang

Diane’s dress by Derek Lam, shoes by Versus; Miranda’s skirt by Christian Dior, sunglasses by Miu Miu, purse by Prada, shoes by Alexander Wang

Diane: Well, we’ve survived the first round of this vicious battle we call March Fabness. How do you feel, Miranda? Invigorated? Threatened by my power-clashing printed dress? Jealous of my strappy shoes?

Miranda: Mostly invigorated, but I could use a cup of coffee.

Diane's top and skirt by Rochas, purse and shoes by Chanel; Miranda's dress by A.L.C., purse by Alexander Wang, shoes by Balenciaga

Diane’s top and skirt by Rochas, purse and shoes by Chanel; Miranda’s dress by A.L.C., purse by Alexander Wang, shoes by Balenciaga

Diane: Oh, is that why you always rock those giant sunglasses? To hide your tired eyes?

Miranda: No, it’s because I’m stoned as fuck and am hiding my bloodshot eyes. Jeez, Diane, get it right!

Diane's gown by Prabal Gurung, purse by Charlotte Olympia; Miranda's top by Phillip Lim, skirt by Balenciaga, sunglasses by Linda Farrow, purse by Givenchy, shoes by Lanvin

Diane’s gown by Prabal Gurung, purse by Charlotte Olympia; Miranda’s top by Phillip Lim, skirt by Balenciaga, sunglasses by Linda Farrow, purse by Givenchy, shoes by Lanvin

Diane: I find that kind of hard to believe.

Miranda: What, you think a Victoria’s Secret Angel doesn’t know how to roll a blunt?

Diane's gown by Azzedine Alaa; Miranda's jacket, top, and shorts by Helmut Lang, purse by Gucci, shoes by Tabitha Simmons

Diane’s gown by Azzedine Alaïa; Miranda’s jacket, top, and shorts by Helmut Lang, purse by Gucci, shoes by Tabitha Simmons

Diane: I just thought you guys were more into skinny drugs, like coke.

Miranda: What an offensive stereotype! For your information, the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show after-party looks like a much frillier, sluttier Cheech & Chong movie.

Diane's gown by Giambattista Valli; Miranda's gown by Zuhair Murad, purse and shoes by Salvatore Ferragamo

Diane’s gown by Giambattista Valli; Miranda’s gown by Zuhair Murad, purse and shoes by Salvatore Ferragamo

Diane: That actually sounds pretty awesome. Maybe I should’ve stuck with modeling.

Miranda: Well, we can’t all be perfect. Except for me.

KEIRA KNIGHTLEY vs. NINA DOBREV

Keira's dress by Burberry; Nina's top & shorts by Monique Lhuillier, shoes by Manolo Blahnik for Monique Lhuillier

Keira’s dress by Burberry; Nina’s top and shorts by Monique Lhuillier, shoes by Manolo Blahnik for Monique Lhuillier

Keira: Nina, darling. As someone three years older than you, can I give you some helpful fashion advice?

Nina: Probably not, considering you dress like a kindergartener. But yeah, whatever, lay it on me.

Keira's dress by Valentino; Nina's dress by Zuhair Murad

Keira’s dress by Valentino; Nina’s dress by Zuhair Murad

Keira: Well, you’re off to a good start in a neutral dress with a subtle floral print. But where is your Peter Pan collar?!

Nina: I don’t own one. You know, because I’m normal.

Keira's gown by Elie Saab; Nina's gown by Monique Lhuillier, shoes by Brian Atwood

Keira’s gown by Elie Saab; Nina’s gown by Monique Lhuillier, shoes by Brian Atwood

Keira: Don’t sass me, girl. Now, when you’re at the Toronto Film Festival, it’s all about embellished gowns in black and white. But the most important accessory is a grimace that never actually turns into a smile.

Nina: What’s wrong with smiling on the red carpet? Are you afraid you’ll lose your hipster-starlet cred if you actually look like you’re enjoying yourself?

Keira's gown by Erdem; Nina's gown by Elie Saab, purse by Judith Leiber, shoes by Jimmy Choo

Keira’s gown by Erdem; Nina’s gown by Elie Saab, purse by Judith Leiber, shoes by Jimmy Choo

Keira: Honey, LOOK at me in this gown. I don’t need a shit-eating grin: everybody knows how good I look or my name’s not Keira Knightley!

Nina: Same here, except my name’s, you know, NOT Keira Knightley. It’s Nikolina Konstantinova Dobreva.

Keira's gown by Chanel; Nina's gown by Zuhair Murad, purse by Swarovski

Keira’s gown by Chanel; Nina’s gown by Naeem Khan, purse by Swarovski

Keira: Seriously? That’s a goddamn mouthful, darling. What does it mean?

Nina: Oh, in my native Bulgaria, it means “Keira Knightley can suck it and her wardrobe is tacky.”

KRISTEN STEWART vs. ZOE SALDANA

Kristen's blouse by Balenciaga, pants by A.L.C., shoes by Jimmy Choo; Zoe's top, pants, purse, and shoes by Louis Vuitton

Kristen’s blouse by Balenciaga, pants by A.L.C., shoes by Jimmy Choo; Zoe’s top, pants, purse, and shoes by Louis Vuitton

Kristen: ‘Sup.

Zoe: Wow. I already can’t stand you, and you haven’t even uttered a full word yet. That’s got to be some kind of record.

Kristen's dress by Christian Dior, shoes by Barbara Bui; Zoe's dress by Elie Saab, purse by Judith Leiber, shoes by Brian Atwood

Kristen’s dress by Christian Dior, shoes by Barbara Bui; Zoe’s dress by Elie Saab, purse by Judith Leiber, shoes by Brian Atwood

Kristen: I guess.

Zoe: Wow, you’re about as eloquent as you are talented, aren’t you?

Kristen's romper by Louis Vuitton, shoes by Brian Atwood; Zoe's dress by Dolce & Gabbana, shoes by Casadei

Kristen’s romper by Louis Vuitton, shoes by Brian Atwood; Zoe’s dress by Dolce & Gabbana, shoes by Casadei

Kristen: Now, that was below the bedazzled belt, bitch. What did I ever do to you?

Zoe: Nothing, I suppose. But since when does that mean I’m not allowed to hate you?

Kristen's top and skirt by Balmain, shoes by Christian Louboutin; Zoe's gown by Gucci

Kristen’s top and skirt by Balmain, shoes by Christian Louboutin; Zoe’s gown by Gucci

Kristen: Fine, hate me irrationally like the rest of America just because I don’t have a shit-eating grin like you. I could not give less fucks.

Zoe: We’re not asking for much, Kristen. You don’t have to give many fucks, but give a fuck or two, for God’s sake.

Kristen's gown by Zuhair Murad; Zoe's gown by Alexis Mabille, purse by Salvatore Ferragamo, shoes by Roger Vivier

Kristen’s gown by Zuhair Murad; Zoe’s gown by Alexis Mabille, purse by Salvatore Ferragamo, shoes by Roger Vivier

Kristen: Fine. My hair is styled, my makeup is done, I’m wearing a dress without looking like it’s causing me physical pain, AND I’m smiling. Are you all happy now?

Zoe: Yes, but only because I still look a thousand times better than you.

EMILY BLUNT vs. MARION COTILLARD

Emily's dress by Roland Mouret, shoes by Alexandre Birman; Marion's dress by Christian Dior

Emily’s dress by Roland Mouret, shoes by Alexandre Birman; Marion’s dress by Christian Dior

Emily: Ah, finally. Someone European enough to actually compete with me in a fashion battle!

Marion: Darling, I’m French. You’re English. There is no competition here.

Emily's dress and purse by Elie Saab, shoes by Sergio Rossi; Marion's dress by Christian Dior, shoes by Christian Louboutin

Emily’s dress and purse by Elie Saab, shoes by Sergio Rossi; Marion’s dress by Christian Dior, shoes by Christian Louboutin

Emily: Don’t make me start a fashion world war on your Parisian ass.

Marion: Oh, bring it, Emily. Can you even comprehend how much Dior I’ve worn in my life? It’s positively unfathomable.

Emily's dress by Carolina Herrera, shoes by Christian Louboutin; Marion's dress and shoes by Christian Dior

Emily’s dress by Carolina Herrera, shoes by Christian Louboutin; Marion’s dress and shoes by Christian Dior

Emily: Being a label whore and being a fashionista aren’t the same thing, Marion.

Marion: I’d rather be a whore for Dior than anything else on earth for a lesser label.

Emily's gown and purse by Alexander McQueen; Marion's gown and shoes by Christian Dior

Emily’s gown and purse by Alexander McQueen; Marion’s gown and shoes by Christian Dior

Emily: Fine, darling. Have it your way. I’ll be laughing in McQueen all the way to Round 3.

Marion: We’ll see about that, bitch.

© Democracy Diva, 2013.
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