March Fabness 2015, Round 1: McQueen Bracket

The fourth bracket is ready and waiting for your judgment, dear readers. 

JENA MALONE vs. NATALIE PORTMAN

Jena in Roksanda; Natalie in Dior

Jena: Fancy meeting you here!

Natalie: Who are you?

Jena in Valentino; Natalie in Dior

Jena in Valentino; Natalie in Dior

Jena: I’m indie darling/Hunger Games badass Jena Malone!

Natalie: Did Zach Braff send you here? Did he hire you to follow me around?

Jena in Adam Selman; Natalie in Dior

Jena in Adam Selman; Natalie in Dior

Jena: Um, no. Why?

Natalie: If I get one more Facebook message from that asshole, I’m going to lose my mind.

Jena in Emilio Pucci; Natalie in Dior

Jena in Emilio Pucci; Natalie in Dior

Jena: Well, I’m sorry, but Zach Braff didn’t send me here to follow.

Natalie: Fine. Just tell him I’m not donating to his fucking Kickstarter.

EMMY ROSSUM vs. KARLIE KLOSS

Emmy in Lanvin; Karlie in Lanvin

Emmy in Lanvin; Karlie in Lanvin

Emmy: OH MY GOD! TAYLOR SWIFT!!!!!

Karlie: What?

Emmy in Bottega Veneta; Karlie in Atelier Versace

Emmy in Bottega Veneta; Karlie in Atelier Versace

Emmy: I LOVE YOU T-SWIFFFFTTTTTTTTTTTTT OMG THIS IS AMAZING

Karlie: Uh… I’m not Taylor Swift.

Emmy in Carolina Herrera; Karlie in Chanel

Emmy in Carolina Herrera; Karlie in Chanel

Emmy: Oh, I’m sorry. My mistake. Perchance, do you know Ms. Swift?

Karlie: Um, yeah. We’re like, basically best friends.

Emmy in Armani Privé; Karlie in Oscar de la Renta

Emmy in Armani Privé; Karlie in Oscar de la Renta

Emmy: SHUT UPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP CAN YOU INTRODUCE ME?! I WANNA BE BESTIES WITH TAYLOR! DO YOU GUYS PLAY WITH KITTENS AND BAKE CUPCAKES?

Karlie: Well, yeah, but only when we’re really stoned.

KRISTEN STEWART vs. NICOLE RICHIE

Kristen in Torn by Ronny Kobo; Nicole in Blumarine

Kristen in Torn by Ronny Kobo; Nicole in Blumarine

Kristen: *broods silently*

Nicole: *struts judgmentally*

Kristen in J. Mendel; Nicole in Safiyaa

Kristen in J. Mendel; Nicole in Safiyaa

Kristen: *scoffs while smize-ing*

Nicole: *smizes while smirking*

Kristen in Chanel; Nicole in Alfredo Villalba

Kristen in Chanel; Nicole in Alfredo Villalba

Kristen: *attempts something vaguely resembling a smile*

Nicole: *cannot even keep the disdain off her face*

Kristen in Chanel; Nicole in Donna Karan

Kristen in Chanel; Nicole in Donna Karan

Kristen: *will cut a bitch who looks at her the wrong way*

Nicole: *can literally kill you with glance like a motherfucking basilisk*

FELICITY JONES vs. UZO ADUBA

Felicity in Dior; Uzo in L.K. Bennett

Felicity in Dior; Uzo in L.K. Bennett

Felicity: TELL ME WHAT HAPPENS.

Uzo: NO!

Felicity in Balenciaga; Uzo in Angel Sanchez

Felicity in Balenciaga; Uzo in Angel Sanchez

Felicity: PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE. I need to know!

Uzo: I told you, I’m not going to spoil it!

Felicity in Dior; Uzo in Randi Rahm

Felicity in Dior; Uzo in Randi Rahm

Felicity: I’M BEGGING YOU. TELL ME WHAT HAPPENS NEXT SEASON ON ORANGE IS THE NEW BLACK.

Uzo: FINE. Sophia and the nun get married; Pornstache stars – in drag – in a Broadway revival of The King and I; and Crazy Eyes escapes prison to have a three-way relationship with Piper’s douchebag fiancee and her stoner brother.

Felicity in Dior; Uzo in Christian Siriano

Felicity in Dior; Uzo in Christian Siriano

Felicity: REALLY?!

Uzo: NO. Fucking idiot.


© Democracy Diva, 2015.
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