Okay, so Cannes has been over for like a hundred years. I’ve been busy, divas. (Also, it’s Game of Thrones season and I’m blogging that over at Snark Squad.) But it’s never too late for judgment!

ELLE FANNING at The Neon Demon premiere
gown by Zuhair Murad, jewelry by Tiffany & Co.

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. I love thine mauvey-blush color and floral embellishments. I love thine corseted bodice and ballerina-chic hair. I FUCKING LOVE THEE, ELLE FANNING’S DRESS. I JUST FUCKING LOVE THEE.

AISHWARYA RAI at the BFG premiere
gown by Elie Saab

Perfect gown, perfect hair, perfect lips, perfect nails… You see what I mean about Cannes, right? Everyone just brings it. Hard. Something about that French Riviera sunshine brings out the SLAY, QUEEN, SLAY in basically everyone.

AISHWARYA RAI at the From the Land of the Moon premiere
gown by Rami Kadi

She took a risk with the purple lips, but I think it paid off. It made this gown go from potentially fussy to definitively funky. That’s not an easy transition to make.

KIRSTEN DUNST at the Neon Demon premiere
gown by Maison Margiela

If Cannes 2016 had a queen, I’m pretty sure it was Kirsten Dunst. She was fierce to a prolific degree. I love the off-shoulder ruffle combined with the spaghetti-strap, and this color is absolutely singing.

KIRSTEN DUNST at the Closing Ceremony
gown by Valentino, jewelry by Chopard

I think the bodice leaves a bit to be desired, but that skirt is so magnficent, it more than makes up for it. It looks like it was woven out of rose gold and pure magic.

KIRSTEN DUNST at the Loving premiere
gown by Christian Dior

I usually hate baby’s breath, but apparently, if you throw it on the edges of a gown, I’m completely on board. Who knew?

JOURDAN DUNN at the Unknown Girl premiere
gown by Ralph & Russo, jewelry by de Grisogono, shoes by Paula Cademartori

This is basically perfect. That’s how good Cannes fashion is, you guys – something this perfect isn’t even near the top of the post because EVERYTHING AT CANNES IS AMAZING.

CHARLIZE THERON at The Last Face premiere
tuxedo by Christian Dior

Chic AF. Charlize + Le Smoking is an unbeatable pairing.

BELLA HADID at the Unknown Girl premiere
gown by Alexandre Vauthier, jewelry by de Grisogono, shoes by Giuseppe Zanotti

Sure, she’s basically naked, but she’s also styled perfectly and I can’t take my eyes off of her.

BELLA HADID at the de Grisogono party
suit, top, and shoes by Givenchy

Take away the hippie lampshade top and replace it with something marginally more normal, and this might have been my favorite look at the entire festival. Can I please get a diamond-pinstriped suit immediately?

SONAM KAPOOR at the From the Land and the Moon premiere
gown by Ralph & Russo

Get rid of the shoulder cut-out, and this becomes THE ACTUAL FUCKING GREATEST. Even with it, this is a joy to look at. Keep bringing the drama, Sonam.

KENDALL JENNER at the From the Land of the Moon premiere
gown by Roberto Cavalli, earrings by Chopard

The slicked-back hair drives me nuts, and the earrings are clearly too much for a gown this embellished. But the gown itself is pretty undeniably fantastic. Don’t get too excited, though – obviously Kendall Jenner can’t maintain this level of fabulosity for long.

KENDALL JENNER
coat and dress by Elie Saab

I can’t say that I actually recall any Muppets wearing negligees, and yet I feel so strongly that this is Miss Piggy’s lingerie.

ROSIE HUNTINGTON-WHITELEY at the Unknown Girl premiere
gown by Alexandre Vauthier

I love the collar and the draping of the skirt, but things get a little messy in the middle of that bodice.

KRISTEN STEWART at the Personal Shopper photocall
dress by Chanel, shoes by Giuseppe Zanotti

Alright, it’s basically a sweatshirt-tunic, but she looks awesome! Maybe Kristen is finally done making me hate her!

KRISTEN STEWART at the American Honey premiere
top and skirt by Chanel, shoes by Christian Louboutin

… Well, maybe she’s just going to make me a little bit mad at her, but still generally able to consider her a chic and stylish person!

KRISTEN STEWART at the Personal Shopper premiere
dress by Chanel, shoes by Christian Louboutin

… Or maybe not.

MARION COTILLARD at the From the Land of the Moon premiere
gown by Christian Dior, shoes by Giuseppe Zanotti

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with this, but, c’mon, Marion. You should be the goddess of this festival! You can pull off anything! You’re fucking French! But this is just completely unremarkable.

BLAKE LIVELY at the BFG premiere
gown by Atelier Versace

Why is she always dressed like a trashy mermaid?

ALESSANDRA AMBROSIO
gown by Zuhair Murad, jewelry by Bulgari

I’m all for pants on the red carpet! Just, you know, not THESE pants. If they cover your entire foot and also make you look like a lizard in drag, they are probably not the pants for you.

Also, I just need to rant about this necklace: It is undoubtedly fantastic. I would give my right tit to own a Bulgari serpenti necklace. But once you’ve seen a piece of jewelry a hundred times on the red carpet, it starts to lose its magic, no matter how fabulous it is. Naomi Watts alone has probably worn it five times.

ALESSANDRA AMBROSIO at the Unknown Girl premiere
gown by Michael Kors

We get it. Cool kids don’t wear underwear.

KARLIE KLOSS at the Julieta premiere
gown and purse by Louis Vuitton

What am I even looking at? These proportions are a mess. The top of this seems better suited for a seventy-year old star than someone in Taylor Swift’s squad. And the headband is actually making me cringe. My shoulders are touching my ears, and it’s all Karlie’s fault.

IRINA SHAYK at the Unknown Girl premiere
gown by Miu Miu

Lololol. Well, she tried!

Up next: Everything fabulous from the Cannes amfAR Gala, and then I swear we’ll move on to fashion that isn’t a few weeks old.

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© Democracy Diva, 2016.
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