Sorry for the delay while the Diva was on vacay. Luckily, it’s never too late to be a judgmental bitch!
Best Dressed: GAL GADOT
gown by Prada
Stunning, and not just because I finally watched Wonder Woman on the plane this weekend and am now more in love with Gal than ever before. Obsessed with the modern Grecian realness she’s serving up here.
Runner-Up: MARY ELIZABETH WINSTEAD
gown by Delpozo, jewelry by Irene Neuwirth, purse by Anya Hindmarch
An inch or two shorter, and it would be fully perfect. I adore the color combos, the unique draping, the perfect match of skin tone to dress color. It’s very contemporary and a little bit weird, which is pretty much my ideal brand.
Honorable Mention: DIANE KRUGER
gown by Vera Wang, jewelry by Messika, purse by Tyler Ellis, shoes by Christian Louboutin
There’s off-shoulder, and then there’s so-far-off-shoulder-that-these-are-actually-bracelets. This is veering towards the latter, but the chainmail bra is so cool that I don’t care. It’s unique, it’s fresh, it’s Joan of Arc meets beach bride. I therefore approve.
dress by Zuhair Murad, shoes by Nicholas Kirkwood
My girlfriend Mrs. Maisel is stunning in this beaded wonder. The styling could use a little more cohesion, but this pale pink and silver art deco design is absolutely gorgeous on her.
MARY J. BLIGE
gown by Vivienne Westwood
LOVE this dress on her, though I think the wig needs to be pulled forward an inch. Also, today Miss Mary J was nominated for two Oscars – best original song AND best supporting actress. God bless us, everyone. Can’t WAIT to see what kind of lewks she serves for the Oscars.
dress by Naeem Khan, shoes by Giuseppe Zanotti
She’s absolutely darling in this. I’m here for the fit, the cut, the glittering bodice, the pop of sparkle on her ears and feet – it’s all working for me.
gown by Valentino
Lose the clashing purse – it’s too much with the yellow sleeves and the beading and the lace and everything else – and maybe rethink the Swedish milkmaid hair. They’re only distractions from the gown, which is unique and gorgeous, but the complexity of it demands clean, neutral styling.
gown by Tadashi Shoji, purse by Tyler Ellis
The sleeve length is a little wonky – I would have gone an inch or two longer, or done cap-sleeves or sleeveless – but she’s divine in this color. Love the pleated draping of the skirt, too.
dress by Christian Siriano
I think she’s too short a gal for a midi-length dress to work on her, but cut a couple inches off that hemline and I’d be in heaven. It’s a terrific dress, but she needs a little more jewelry to make it awards-show worthy.
gown by Erdem, shoes by Sophia Webster
I was ready to give this a top-three spot until I got to the shoes. Honey… no.
gown by Eloquii
That weird little saloon-waitress-looking choker-collar is very dumb, but she is working the SHIT out of this print and I absolutely adore it.
dress by Mary Katrantzou, shoes by Sophia Webster
Why does she look like this is her first time on the red carpet? Somebody get this girl a new stylist, ASAP. Tatiana deserves better.
gown by Roberto Cavalli
All I can see when I look at this is Melisandre after she takes off her magical youth-preserving necklace. Just a perfect-looking head on top of 400-year-old sagging nakedness. May this be a lesson to us all: never do a wrinkled-looking skintight drape in a color that matches your skin tone. (I honestly liked this dress until the Melisandre thing occurred to me, and now I can’t unsee it. Sorry for ruining this for you.)
jumpsuit by Balmain, purse by Roger Vivier
Come on, Laura! 2018 is the year of the Dern! You can do better than a risk-free jumpsuit and that same Roger Vivier purse that has appeared on the red carpet at least once a week for the last 6 years. This is cute enough for a movie premiere, but make a bigger statement at an awards show – even an awards show that nobody actually cares about.
gown by Vionnet, jewelry by Piaget, shoes by Giuseppe Zanotti
It offends me, truly, that someone would put a woman so beautiful in a color so perfect for her, and then destroy it with that hideously unflattering cut-out, that nobody could ever possibly look nice in. It’s honestly amazing how good Jessica looks in spite of the fact that her stylist clearly wants her dead.
gown by Dolce & Gabbana
No, thank you.
gown by J. Mendel, shoes by Stuart Weitzman
gown and purse by Christian Dior, jewelry by Repossi, shoes by Jimmy Choo
I legit thought she was fully nude for a second there.
gown by Georges Hobeika
Honestly, by Heidi standards – meaning, extremely low standards – this isn’t terrible. But can the cold-shoulder trend please die now?
gown by J. Mendel
I’m highly supportive of women going for unique colors and prints and silhouettes on the red carpet, but this is straight-up fugly.
Worst Dressed: ELISABETH MOSS
dress by Erdem, jewelry by Irene Neuwirth, purse by Tyler Ellis, shoes by Christian Louboutin
Elisabeth, do yourself a favor. Fire everyone who saw you in this dress before you stepped onto the red carpet. Anyone in your life who didn’t stop you from wearing this, or at least point out how truly terrible that lining is, needs to be gone. Immediately.