Believe it or not, the Golden Globes are not the only awards show in existence! The stars got a week off to exfoliate, and now they’re back on their bullshit – and more importantly, I’m back on mine.
Best Dressed: KIERNAN SHIPKA
top and pants by Delpozo
Just try and name a more iconic fashion risktaker whose risks pay off so consistently. NOBODY does it like Kiernan. Her primary concern on the red carpet appears to be having a fan-fucking-tastic time, and that makes her wardrobe more fun to watch than anybody else’s. And while most child actors hit 18 and immediately start dressing like newly-divorced 40-year-olds, Kiernan is out here glorying in her youth with her half-tulle tunic and her neon train and her kicky little pants. I believe the children are our future, y’all. I also believe skirts-over-pants are our future. So, overall, there’s hope.
Runner-Up: SAOIRSE RONAN
gown by Michael Kors, jewelry by Messika, shoes by Giuseppe Zanotti
I love her lipstick, I love the silhouette, and I love that the draping creates what appears to be a scorpion eating her lady parts.
Honorable Mention: JESSICA BIEL
dress by Oscar de la Renta, purse by Tyler Ellis, shoes by Stuart Weitzman
This may come as a shock to you, faithful readers – it certainly surprised the hell out of me. But yes, it’s true – I liked Jessica Biel’s outfit. What’s more, I thought it was interesting! Now I have to go, because I’m pretty sure four dudes on horseback just rode by my window.
gown by Ralph & Russo, earrings by Neil Lane, shoes by Stuart Weitzman
Simple, but gorgeous. Love the pops of bright red, with the matching lips and nails. The styling is excellent overall – it helps bring what could have been a basic dress to a higher level.
gown by Michael Cinco
The hair’s a tad too country-singer for my taste, but the gown is an absolute delight.
gown by Giambattista Valli
I think the gold embellishments are at odds with the lavender floral print. But the print itself is divine, and I adore the delicate draping of those sleeves.
gown by Brock Collection, jewelry by Piaget, purse by Tyler Ellis
It’s a little undead-bride, but I think I actually love that about it. The problem is really whatever’s happening right above the peplum, with that extra lump of fabric and the trim under the bustline. I just… don’t know what I’m looking at, and it’s unsettling.
gown by Georges Chakra, shoes by Chloe Gosselin
The styling is all a little dated – the updo and the platforms don’t feel fresh, and a pop of color on the lip would have helped. But the dress itself is stunning, if maybe a little bit much for this venue.
gown by Prada
Great color; still debating whether the embellishments are a necessary detail or a strangely fussy bib.
gown by Rasario, jewelry by Forevermark, shoes by Sophia Webster
Everything was breathtaking until I scrolled down to the hemline. That not-quite-midi, not-quite-full-length situation is killing me, especially with those shoes. YOU WERE DOING SO WELL, RORY.
gown by Galia Lahav
That color is heavenly on her.
gown by Chanel
Is it a dress? Is it pants? Is it a circus tent? Is it a real, live zebra? NOBODY KNOWS!
dress by Dolce & Gabbana, shoes by Gianvito Rossi
Sleek and chic, if a little underwhelming. Cute that she shares a wardrobe with…
dress by Prada, shoes by Roger Vivier
The cut’s a little boxy, and the hairy shoes are bothering me.
dress by Ronald van der Kemp
There’s nothing wrong with it, per se. It just doesn’t feel like awards show fashion, even for a third-tier awards show that nobody actually cares about but I’m still blogging about because the Golden Globes only had black dresses which was for a good cause but also REALLY HARD TO BLOG ABOUT BECAUSE IT WAS ALL BLACK DRESSES and so here we are. Uh, what was I talking about?
The silhouette doesn’t make a lot of sense to me, and the styling isn’t helping.
gown by Valentino, jewelry by Fred Leighton, shoes by René Caovilla
This is ridiculous and honestly, a little terrifying.
gown by Fendi
I get what she was going for, but no.
gown by Giorgio Armani
Emma, I’m sorry I can’t write about the elegant minimalism of your gown because of the fact that you’re wearing A FUCKING BROOM ON YOUR FOREHEAD, SERIOUSLY GIRL, WHAT IS GOING ON UP THERE, DO YOU NEED HELP, BLINK TWICE IF WE SHOULD RESCUE YOU.
Worst Dressed: HALEY BENNETT
dress by Chloé
I reject all of this.