Oh, right, the Grammys happened!

Best Dressed: CARDI B
gown by Mugler

If Venus in her clamshell had a lovechild with the sexy feather duster from Beauty and the Beast, that child’s name would be Cardi B. God bless Thierry Mugler for lending our queen this vintage couture gown from his 1995 collection. This is an iconic fashion moment.

Runner-Up: JANELLE MONÁE
dress by Jean Paul Gaultier, hat by Steve David, jewelry by Tiffany & Co., shoes by Le Silla

It feels absurd to call something with this many pointy edges “soft,” but there is a gentleness to this dress that I adore. It’s a surprise and a delight, and the hat is everything.

Honorable Mention: ALICIA KEYS
gown by Armani Privé, jewelry by Bulgari

For mere mortals, it’s really difficult to look fully dressed when you’re wearing a formal gown and expensive jewelry with no makeup. But the pairing of her glowing skin, a funky necklace, and the sportier fabric of her gown work perfectly together. I’m fully sold on this.

TRACEE ELLIS ROSS
suit by Ralph & Russo, jewelry by Lorraine Schwartz

I smile every single time this woman appears on a red carpet. It’s impossible not to. Who else on this earth can we count on to serve us Slytherin Hillary Clinton realness?

MICHELLE OBAMA
top and pants by Sachin & Babi

I love post-White House Michelle Obama’s aesthetic. Glam, funky, no fucks left to give, no having to run your wardrobe choices by polling analysts and campaign managers and the ghost of Jackie O. She looks phenomenal.

DUA LIPA
gown by Atelier Versace, jewelry by Bulgari

Stunning necklace, damn good dress. It’s not particularly daring, but what she’s doing, she’s doing flawlessly.

H.E.R.
jumpsuit by Coach

Even for extra-wide-leg pants, they’re a little too wide, but the color and texture are divine. Honestly, for as awkward as this is, I respect the hell out of this. Where else besides the Grammys can you wear your “Prince, but make it disco” cosplay?

BEBE REXHA
gown by Monsoori

Hate the hair, and the gown is better suited to Cannes Film Festival than the Grammys, but I’ll take it. Love the color.

JADA PINKETT SMITH
gown by Roberto Cavalli, jewelry by Lorraine Schwartz, shoes by Giuseppe Zanotti

It looks like something J.Lo tried on and rejected, but for some reason, I don’t hate it.

LADY GAGA
gown by Celine, jewelry by Tiffany & Co., shoes by Jimmy Choo

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with this look. But I didn’t even recognize Gaga in it, because it’s something any regular, run-of-themill celebrity would wear. I know a gal can’t do meat dresses and arrive on the red carpet via giant egg forever. But you should never have to search a room to find Lady Gaga, you know? (Even if there’s 99 people in a room…)

ST VINCENT
gown by Giambattista Valli, jewelry by Bulgari, shoes by Giuseppe Zanotti

I don’t think it really works, but I’ll give her credit for trying.

ARIANA GRANDE
gown by Zac Posen

It is a Boss Bitch move to pull out of your Grammys performance and then just insta the Zac Posen gown you were going to wear. Points for lounging around in diamonds for no reason, but I wish the dress were more interesting.

JENNIFER LOPEZ’S HAT, AND ALSO JENNIFER LOPEZ
gown by Ralph & Russo

I can’t believe J.Lo let herself be upstaged by anyone, let alone a HAT.

CAMILA CABELLO
gown by Armani Privé, earrings by Harry Winston

Good color, but everything else is forgettable. (Except for “Havana, ooh-nana,” which I can’t seem to remove from my brain no matter how hard I try.)

MILEY CYRUS
suit by Mugler, earrings by Loree Rodkin

There is no rhyme or reason to the fit and flare of this suit. It’s pure chaos. And not the fun kind.

EVE
gown by Ashi Studio, jewelry by Gismondi

I’d like it better without the tacked-on train.

KACEY MUSGRAVES
gown by Valentino

I think this was supposed to come off as smoky and ethereal, but instead I’m just getting dirty dishwater.

HEIDI KLUM
dress by Stephane Rolland, jewelry by Lorraine Schwartz, purse and shoes by Jimmy Choo

She is exhausting.

ANNA KENDRICK
gown by Ralph & Russo, jewelry by Nikos Koulis, shoes by Stuart Weitzman

All I’m getting is “Barbie’s sweet sixteen.”

POST MALONE

I understand what he was going for, but it looks like he’s wearing a studded skin suit.

KATY PERRY
gown by Balmain, jewelry by Djula

She’s the pink grapefruit flavor of Violet Beauregarde.

ASHLEE SIMPSON
jumpsuit by Georges Chakra, earrings by Lorraine Schwartz

I know the world is basically coming to an end, but even that isn’t an excuse for whatever the hell I’m looking at right now.

ASHANTI
gown by Affair

*extremely Michael Kors voice* SHE’S POOPING FABRIC!

RASHIDA JONES
gown by Ralph Lauren

Good lord, Rashida. This is supposed to be fun. Would it kill you to wear something a little less funereal?

MEGHAN TRAINOR
jumpsuit by Christian Siriano

This is one of the worst things I’ve ever seen, and I’m honestly shocked that Christian Siriano is responsible for it. He’s known for being one of the only designers willing to dress women larger than a size 4, and he’s usually impeccable at making stars of every shape and size look like supermodels. But damn, Christian. You done Meghan Trainor dirty with this one. Send the gal some flowers or something.

Worst Dressed: KYLIE JENNER
jumpsuit by Balmain, shoes by Jimmy Choo

Poor thing looks like somebody’s got a gun to her back. Blink twice if you’re wearing this utter monstrosity of your own volition, Kylie!!

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© Democracy Diva, 2019.
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