ANGELINA JOLIE at the Paris premiere of In the Land of Blood and Honey // gown by Ralph & Russo
One of my all-time favorite Angelina looks. Holy hell, is that a beautiful gown, and it’s a rare woman who has the elegance to pull it off.
KIRSTEN DUNST in Shanghai
Another beautiful almost-white gown. The draping around the bust is fine, but the touch of black in the shoulder is really lovely. It’s a tad long, but the old Hollywood thing she’s doing is working nicely.
OCTAVIA SPENCER in Los Angeles // gown by Tadashi Shoji
Hate the platform shoes and the little bit of sparkle where it cinches below the bustline, but this color and silhouette are fucking fantastic on her.
ROSARIO DAWSON in Vienna // dress by Salvatore Ferragamo
This gown could look awesome, but it fits Rosario terrible and is styled poorly to boot.
MIRANDA KERR in Sydney // dress by Collette Dinnigan
I think the dress itself is kind of horrible to look at, but leave it to Miranda Kerr to make it look sexy.
VICTORIA BECKHAM in New York City // dress by Roland Mouret, shoes by Christian Louboutin
Perfect street style from head to toe. And speaking of the toe, just look at that fucking platform. It’s astounding. I’d break an ankle if I tried to walk three steps in those bad boys.
JENNIFER ANISTON at the Los Angeles premiere of Wanderlust // dress by Tom Ford, shoes by Christian Louboutin
The blogosphere raved over this, so happy were they to see Jenn in something other than an LBD that looks like a bathrobe. And I’m as glad as the next girl to see Jenn in something new, but this isn’t anything to write home about. The optical illusion print literally makes my eyes hurt, and I think this dress makes her hips looks way bigger than they actually are. And the styling couldn’t get more basic – gold bracelets and black pumps.
CATHERINE, DUCHESS OF CAMBRIDGE // coat by Hobbs
Fab coat, but what else is new?
CHRISTINA RICCI in Berlin // dress by Thakoon, shoes by Yves Saint Laurent
Adorable, in spite of my distaste for black tights/black pumps combos on the red carpet. The dress is perfect for her.
REESE WITHERSPOON in New York City // dress by Antonio Berardi, jacket by The Row, shoes by Christian Louboutin
Simple and sharp; classic and chic. But it’s a waste of an opportunity to wear an awesome shoe.
EVAN RACHEL WOOD in New York City // dress by Gucci
Adorable and on-trend, from the plaid to the peplum skirt. But a dress like this cries out for some jewelry, don’t you think?
CATE BLANCHETT in New York City // dress by Juan Carlos Obando, shoes by Christian Louboutin
I can’t say I love this shade of blonde on Cate. There’s something so buttery and rich about it that seems unnatural and clashes with her skin. The lipstick certainly isn’t helping. Nor is this dress, which you can’t look at without thinking, “Project Runway reject.”
JENNIFER HUDSON in Los Angeles // gown by Maria Lucia Hohan
J.Hud, America loves you, but you are not a Disney princess, so stop dressing like one.
LEIGHTON MEESTER in New York City // dress by Prada
I want to like this, I really do. It’s got color-blocking, it’s an interesting shape, and it’s something I haven’t seen before. But I think that absurdly wide V-neck and the matchy-matchy accessories are destroying this look for me. The nude shoes being the same shade as the bodice; the red purse matching the strips of color on the sides of the dress – it’s too much, and it’s trying way too hard.
MIA WASIKOWSKA // dress and shoes by Miu Miu
I swear, this girl lives with a stick shoved permanently up her ass. Could you just chill the fuck out, Mia? Lose the ever-so-slightly mismatched shoes and stop with the frou-frouy collars and stuffy, matronly looks! Explore something silly and stupid and weird!
SALMA HAYEK at the Berlin premiere of As Luck Would Have It // gown and purse by Yves Saint Laurent
Oh, for the love of God. Even Downton Abbey‘s Dowager Countess would look at this and say, “It’s a bit old-fashioned, don’t you think?”
NICKI MINAJ in New York City // dress and jacket by Nanette Lepore, shoes by Giuseppe Zanotti
It is terrifying how little resemblance she bears to an actual human being. Over-the-top is one thing, but wearing Barbie’s suit and wig with Snooki’s orange spray-tan and fake eyelashes so heavy she can barely see? I wouldn’t be able to pick Nicki from a line-up of terrifying, tacky mannequins.
KRISTEN WIIG at the Writers’ Guild Awards // jumpsuit by Valentino, purse by Kotur, shoes by Sergio Rossi
Oh, Kristen, darling. There’s an easy fix here: It’s called “don’t wear a jumpsuit.” And if you absolutely need to, try to pick one that fits your beasts and doesn’t make your vagina look ten miles long. And the shoes? Someone needs to be fired for making that particular styling choice.
MICHELLE WILLIAMS at the Paris premiere of My Week with Marilyn // gown and shoes by Christian Dior
Well, I’m officially done with Michelle Williams. If she wants to dress up like a four-year-old girl’s fantasy of what an Oscar nominee wears, that’s her prerogative, but I’m not going to let it happen without a shitload of mockery on my part. Because this Barbie Magic Disaster is awful, the makeup and nails are terrible, and the shoes are just as bad.
VIOLA DAVIS in Los Angeles // gown by Hervé L. Leroux, purse by Judith Leiber
PUT THEM AWAY, Viola. That is NOT how we win an Oscar.