DIANE KRUGER // gown by Vivienne Westwood, purse and shoes by Jimmy Choo
The phenomenal Ms. Kruger continues her streak of Cannes fabulosity with this stunning Vivienne Westwood creation. It looks like a Grecian statute of Diane made out of liquid gold and diamonds – it’s almost hard to believe she’s real. The draping on the bodice is stunning, but the way it hugs and hangs around her hips and legs prove how perfect the fit really is. She is just impossibly glamorous.
DIANE KRUGER // top, skirt, belt, and shoes by Balmain
The skirt is terrific, the shoes are killer, and she’s the only woman alive who can pull off that silly top.
NICOLE KIDMAN // gown and purse by Lanvin, shoes by Casadei
Go on and get it, Ms. Kidman! I can’t even handle how stunning that amazing shade of pink is against her porcelain skin and light features. I keep trying to find a name for the color and can’t quite pinpoint it, but “raspberry sorbet” feels close. Love the shoes, the bling, and most of all, the back:
You have to love a gown that’s a total surprise from the back! That chain strap is so unexpected and ridiculously chic. It juxtaposes the pretty with the gritty, and she’s working the backless trend like it’s nobody’s business.
NICOLE KIDMAN // dress and shoes by L’Wren Scott
I simply love L’Wren Scott, and this dress is no exception. It’s supremely flattering, with her tiny cinched waist and her impossibly perky tits, and the shoulder embellishments are lovely. I love the cranberry trim with the ivory lace, and the shoes are “just stepping off my yacht” perfection.
HEIDI KLUM // gown by Marchesa, shoes by Christian Louboutin
Are there words for this level of glam? Curve-hugging, flapper-inspired, sexy as hell but nowhere near vulgar. It’s Klum at her absolute best – heartache agrees with you, darling!
HEIDI KLUM // gown by Roberto Cavalli
Less revolutionary, but sexy and fashionable as ever. But it does seem as though you can’t swing a stick without hitting a shiny, revealing black Cavalli gown these days.
FAN BINGBING // gown by Elie Saab, purse by Salvatore Ferragamo
Fan continues to be amazing, this time in a slightly more predictable Elie Saab gown. We’ve seen a good deal of these beaded curve-hugging gowns, but I do love the shape of the sleeves and the mega-sexy neckline. The color is obviously fantastic, and I dig the almost-but-not-quite-matching emerald jewelry. She could’ve done better than a plain black clutch, but even in a simple silhouette, this fabulous woman looks exceptionally divalicious.
KRISTEN STEWART // gown and shoes by Balenciaga
Well, it won’t win any best dressed awards when you’ve got Klum and Kidman and Kruger to compete with, but K.Stew manages to pull together a much more sophisticated look than usual. I can’t say this print is pretty, but she pulls it off in spite of the ass-high slit and stiff, ill-fitting skirt. The plunging neckline is quite chic on her, and the hair and makeup aren’t even disgusting! Add some lipstick in an actual color and jewelry worthy of a movie star, and she might just start to look presentable.
KRISTEN STEWART // blazer by Rebecca Minkoff, pants by Balenciaga, tank by Juicy Couture
I’ll give it to K.Stew – she might look uncomfortable in gowns, but she can look quite at home in some kicky little skinny jeans. Seriously, those pants are delicious, and they’re paired perfectly with simple pieces: the boyfriend t-shirt, a sharp black blazer, and basic black pumps. Any Cannes event deserves more hair styling and makeup than Kristen was apparently willing to commit to, but she’s actually starting to impress me on the red carpet once in awhile, though I admit that very begrudgingly.
KYLIE MINOGUE // gown by Dolce & Gabbana, shoes by Christian Louboutin
It’s a gown we’ve seen before, and she probably could have gone up half a size, but she’s working that disco-diva aesthetic pretty damn hard.
KIRSTEN DUNST // dress by Dolce & Gabbana, shoes by Charlotte Olympia
I thought I’d seen enough white lace Dolce & Gabbana dresses to last me a lifetime, but this one is particularly exquisite. The perfect fit, the shoulder embellishments, and those fucking phenomenal shoes work brilliantly together. An ivory pump with a gold platform sounds too Golden Girls to work, but she pulls them off easily.
KIRSTEN DUNST // gown by Christian Dior, purse by Louis Vuitton
I never love this color on the red carpet, but it’s better on Ms. Dunst than most. The dress seems slightly too big on her, but I like the hardness of the belt and clutch juxtaposed with the feminine hot pink silk.
MILLA JOVOVICH // gown by Prada, purse by Sergio Rossi
I never quite like her hair, and I find she always looks very drunk on the red carpet, but this is a pretty stellar look from her. I would not have paired a two-tone gold gown with a different shade of gold on the purse and another shade of gold on the shoes, but the gown itself is beautiful. I’m not sure it fits her well – the neckline seems strange, the hemline seems slightly too short, and something about the fabric around her hips hangs a little weirdly. But this was much more successful than her other Prada gown/Sergio Rossi purse combo of the week:
MILLA JOVOVICH // gown by Prada, purse by Sergio Rossi
Oh, darling. The color, the draping, the train, the embellishments, the purse – I don’t think I could hate this much more if I tried. I think if this gown were on a runway and styled completely different and actually fit the woman wearing it, I could appreciate its beauty, but on Milla, it’s a decidedly hot disaster.
LANA DEL REY // suit by Moschino, purse and shoes by Salvatore Ferragamo
I actually love this ivory suit, and I think the boxy metallic clutch and ivory sandals were great styling choices. The jewelry looks absurdly over-the-top, to the point of garishness, but it is a Chopard event, so she probably couldn’t get in the door without a metric ton of their jewels on her. But less is more, dear readers, even when it comes to rubies and diamonds.
JADA PINKETT SMITH // gown by Emilio Pucci
Sexy and chic, but I’m sick of long trains and pools of fabric around the feet of petite starlets. And I can’t help but feeling like I’ve seen this gown approximately eight hundred times before.
MIA WASIKOWSKA // gown by J. Mendel
This was my Fall 2012 red carpet prediction for Nicole Kidman. It’s fine on Mia – at least her hair and makeup are for once not a complete disaster – but it’s sadly under-styled and a little bit too serious for Cannes.
EVA LONGORIA // dress by Reem Acra
Eva, could you possibly dress like a grown woman instead of a drag queen borrowing Emma Watson’s wardrobe? Just a suggestion.
BÉRÉNICE BÉJO // gown by Prada
There may be beaches everywhere, but this kind of beach hair is completely unacceptable. This is sort of hideous and sort of beautiful, but the poor fit and that truly terrible matching clutch destroy whatever hope this gown had of looking chic. There are just a few too many design elements, and together, they’re a distracting mess.
SALMA HAYEK // dress by Gucci
Salma, darling. I know for a fact that your husband’s company owns Gucci and about a thousand of your other favorite designer labels, and they have a habit of custom-designing garments just for you. So why on EARTH would you allow them to dress you in this, which couldn’t possibly fit the bust of a woman half your size? And why would you do your husband’s company the disservice of pairing their dress with what is truly the worst makeup job I have ever seen on the red carpet? There is no excuse for these kinds of shenanigans, Ms. Hayek. I expect you to NEVER, EVER pair a navy dress and purse with black pumps again and immediately dispose of your makeup artist by whatever means you deem appropriate.
On a more serious note, I would like to dedicate this and every post to my grandmother, my amazing Bubbie Ev, whom I lost this week. She was shy on the outside, but had a hidden streak of sass and snark and biting wit that I am proud to have inherited. I’ll miss her every day.