The Cannes Film Festival has come to a close, so let’s close out our fabulous red carpet coverage with an extra dose of bitchery.

DIANE KRUGER // gown by Christian Dior

I can’t remember ever seeing so many incredible red carpet looks from one woman in the span of ten days. Diane Kruger has blown my mind on a daily basis since Cannes began, but she of course saved her most dramatic look yet for the closing ceremonies. This dress would probably just be too damn much on an ordinary woman, but as we’re all aware by now, Diane is no ordinary woman. And this is undoubtedly one of my favorite red carpet looks of all time.

DIANE KRUGER and JOSHUA JACKSON // dress by Prabal Gurung, purse by Roger Vivier, shoes by Nicholas Kirkwood for Prabal Gurung

Her man looks a little worse for the wear – get some sleep, Pacey! – but Diane is decked out in perfection as per usual. The dress is really interesting, so different from what you usually see on the red carpet. Feathers are tough to deploy without looking ridiculous, but the chic belt and the soft romantic aesthetic of the bodice make the feathers work. Love the gold clutch, and those mega-fantastic shoes, which are obviously worthy of a close-up:

I honestly don’t know if there’s anything in the entire world I wouldn’t do to get my hands on those shoes. I feel nervous just looking at them, like I might jump into my computer screen in an attempt to seize them.

DIANE KRUGER and JOSHUA JACKSON // gown by Jenny Packham, purse by Edie Parker

She even does subtlety with style and grace. This could be matronly on anyone else, but of course with Diane’s natural elegance, it’s just classy and sophisticated. Love the clutch.

DIANE KRUGER // gown by Nina Ricci, purse by Judith Leiber, shoes by Prada

Well, you can’t win them all, can you? This was probably my least favorite Diane look of the festival (and it’s still a shitload nicer than what 95% of the attendees wore). It’s just a little too bridal, the shoulder embellishments are silly, it’s over-designed, and the hair and makeup aren’t up to her usual standards.

NICOLE KIDMAN // gown by Ralph Lauren

This was my Fall 2012 red carpet prediction for Jessica Alba, but I’m happy to see Nicole got to it first, as she’s pulling it off beautifully. That whackadoodle hair is a mystery to me, but everything else is drop-dead perfection. This thing fits her like a glove and screams old Hollywood femininity, sexiness, and glamour.

NICOLE KIDMAN // dress by Antonio Berardi, shoes by Manolo Blahnik

Love the fit, obsessed with the color, but give us a little styling, darling!

NICOLE KIDMAN // dress by Christian Dior, shoes by Manolo Blahnik

First off, Nicole, that hair is not for you, nor any woman who does not want to look like a middle-aged southern belle. The dress is fine, but not particularly flattering, as the slightly off-kilter print seems to widen her. And Nicole? We know you own more than just that one pair of Manolos. Live a little.

LIU WEN // gown by Roberto Cavalli

My favorite model Liu Wen continued her Cannes appearances in a stunning Cavalli gown in a simply delicious color. It’s a nicer Roberto Cavalli gown than most I’ve seen – I think the side cut-outs are mega-flattering on her, and I love the draping of the bodice and how it attaches to the one-shouldered strap. Dig the earrings, but she could have pumped up the volume with some more fabulous accessories, particularly at a Chopard-sponsored event.

DOUTZEN KROES // gown by Elie Saab, shoes by Jimmy Choo

This was my Fall 2012 red carpet prediction for Jessica Chastain, and I am a little sad that Doutzen beat her to the punch. Ms. Kroes looks terrific in this gown, of course, but on Jessica’s porcelain skin and red mermaid hair, it would have been a dream. Regardless, Doutzen’s working this gown, which makes her look mega-statuesque. And can we talk about how killer her arms look? The 1990s beach babe hair and makeup aren’t quite formal enough for the dress, but it’ll do.

LI BINGBING // gown by Gucci

Li Bingbing (not to be confused with Fan Bingbing) is a Chinese actress/singer who brought her love of all things Gucci to Cannes. First, I’d like to mention that she’s 39 years old and doesn’t look a day over FETAL. I mean, seriously, what is her secret? She’s flawlessly beautiful, and I’m loving this gown on her. Yes, nude dresses are exhausting, but this one is really different, draped in such a weird futuristic way that I can’t help but love. The hair and makeup are perfect and the belt is stunning, but a more fun purse would have been welcome.

LI BINGBING // gown by Gucci

Li donned her second Gucci dress during Cannes, but with less success. It’s a bit long, and not particularly interesting, save for the shoulder embellishments, which aren’t particularly pretty. And Ms. Bingbing, you are far, far too beautiful to be hiding your face with all that makeup. Shame on your makeup artist – when your face is fresh as a freaking rose, you don’t need to be painted up like a clown.

KRISTEN STEWART // gown by Reem Acra

Yes, Kristen Stewart is still here. Yes, she is still being talked into wearing femme fatale gowns that don’t remotely suit her. And yes, she still looks miserable about it. It’s not a bad dress, but as per usual, she brings nothing to it. And that smear of red lipstick on her snarling pout looks pretty bad, but not as bad as her hair. Proof:

Seriously, what animal died and got stapled to the back of Kristen Stewart’s head? That hair is atrocious. The back of the gown is as lovely as the front, but it’s still doing all the work, and it can’t compensate for Kristen’s lack of style and, more importantly, her lack of a desire to actually be at Cannes wearing thousands of dollars worth of free clothing on yachts while drinking champagne with Nicole Kidman. Life is hard, you guys.

REESE WITHERSPOON // gown and shoes by Atelier Versace

Maternity fabness. I really don’t like this shade of blue, and this is a straight-up beauty pageant gown with the seams let out to suit a pregnant belly, but Reese is absolutely radiant in it.

KYLIE MINOGUE // gown by Roberto Cavalli

It’s too long, and it’s crying out for jewelry, but it’s actually a lovely dress, and much more tasteful and sophisticated than the kinds of gowns Kylie usually goes for. Case in point:

KYLIE MINOGUE // gown by Roberto Cavalli

Congratulations on being named Prom Queen, Kylie! Now stop doing your royal wave and go get knocked up in the bathroom by the Prom King’s best friend like a normal Prom Queen, okay?

JULIANNA MARGULIES // gown by Reed Krakoff, purse and shoes by Jimmy Choo

Pretty, if a little on the underwhelming side. Understated chicness is kind of Julianna’s thing, though, so I think she’s pulling this off pretty beautifully. Certainly the gold jewelry and accessories help dress this up a bit.

ANNA DELLO RUSSO // gown by Alberta Ferretti

I expect more from the face of Japanese Vogue! Anna Dello Russo is like if Anna Wintour were Italian and had a sense of humor. But when she’s not wearing a pineapple as a hat, I find myself a little underwhelmed. It’s a beautiful dress, but Lana Del Rey wore a very similar Ferretti gown in black earlier this week at Cannes, so I’m doubly disappointed in the woman who can usually be counted on to bring the crazy.

BONNIE WRIGHT // dress and purse by Dolce & Gabbana, shoes by Yves Saint Laurent

Ginny Weasley hit Cannes in a cute textured Dolce & Gabbana shift that would look great on her if it weren’t so wrinkled. The braid in her hair – complete with a little bow, for God’s sake – is stupidly juvenile, and the girly purse and boring black pumps don’t exactly elevate this look. Ginny, darling, you’re a beautiful ginger actress! There’s no reason for you to be dressing like some frumpy girl from the English countryside.

NATASHA POLY // gown by Roberto Cavalli, purse by Alexander McQueen

I do sort of hate when supermodels act as if the entire world is their personal runway, but if I were a supermodel, I’d act the same way. Hell, I’m barely 5’1 and I still act that way sometimes. But the whole holding-my-skirt-in-the-air thing feels so desperate, as does whatever the hell is happening on this woman’s torso. The straggly blonde hair (complete with black roots) looks like it hasn’t been washed in days, and the blood red lipstick just adds to the desperation factor of this look. But if anyone can show up in a glorified bra and skirt to the Cannes Film Festival, it’s a supermodel. Let’s get another view:

I’ll give her this: from the back, this gown is nearly flawless on her. Sexy but not trashy, perfectly fit, dramatic and divalicious. She just needs to learn that less is more when it comes to putting your entire torso on display.

CAMILA ALVES // gown by Marchesa

I hereby state another official Democracy Diva Rule of Fashion: Your dress should not come with a built-in chair made out of ruffled crinoline and tulle. I’d also like to introduce the Theory of C-List Overcompensation, which states that the less purpose the star has for actually being at the event, the more likely she is to wear something that screams, “LOOK AT ME LOOK AT ME LOOK AT ME” in the most tacky, hideous, obnoxious way possible. This describes Camila Alves (attending as Matthew McConaughey’s girlfriend; wearing poofy Marchesa), Eva Longoria (attending to promote L’Oréal and herself; wearing poofy Marchesa), and a host of other stars who seem to believe that the way to overcome the fact that they have no business being at the Cannes Film Festival is to dress like a drag queen on her wedding day.

Cannes by the Numbers: Most Popular Designers
1. Versace (10 looks)
2. Roberto Cavalli (8 looks)
3. Elie Saab (6 looks)

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That concludes the Cannes Film Festival coverage! Get caught up on Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3 of the fabulous festival fashion, and don’t miss the red carpet deliciousness from the star-studded amfAR Gala!
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© Democracy Diva, 2012.
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