KERRY WASHINGTON vs. EMMA WATSON
Kerry: Now, Emma. I want you to know that I’m not intimidated by many people. But I’m aware that you’ve now been crowned March Fabness Champion two years in a row.
Emma: It’s true, Kerry. With all the Harry Potter finale press tours, I had plenty of wonderful excuses to look ridiculously amazing, so it was natural that it led to my being crowned Champion.
Kerry: If I may say so, I think I could have what it takes to unseat you. Like you, I love a good print in an interesting silhouette.
Emma: Is there anything better than a good print?
Kerry: And we both have looked fabulous in J. Mendel’s orange and pink florals.
Emma: Too true, Kerry. Mighty fabulous indeed.
Kerry: And I can dress like a baby watermelon and still look amazing!
Emma: If you say so!
Kerry: Win or lose, I’ve given it my all, Emma. Now don’t pull any Hermione witchcraft on me, okay?
Emma: Oh, I don’t need magic to win this battle, Kerry. I’ll kick your ass, Muggle-style.
NICOLE KIDMAN vs. MICHELLE DOCKERY
Nicole: Well, if it isn’t Lady Mary Crawley! I have to say, most of the Downton cast is hardly recognizable outside their 1920s period costumes, and yet that’s not true for you. Why is that?
Michelle: Oh, it’s the eyebrows, of course. They’re so uniquely beautiful, they’re patented and insured.
Nicole: Who would patent eyebrows? Aren’t they just those stiff, unmoving little bars in between my frozen forehead and my freshly-lifted eyes?
Michelle: Um . . . I suppose that’s one way of putting it? And anyway, darling, if your eyebrows were nearly as expressively wonderful as mine, you’d understand. But alas.
Nicole: There’s absolutely nothing wrong with my eyebrows!
Michelle: Oh, really? Try moving one.
Nicole: If you’re going to get this sassy, I’m going to have to challenge you to a battle of black and gold Ralph Lauren eveningwear.
Michelle: I’ve got formal gloves on, bitch. This isn’t even a competition anymore.
Nicole: My virtually endless legs beg to differ, honey.
Michelle: Fine. Let the people have their say!
CAMILLA BELLE vs. CHRISTINA HENDRICKS
Camilla: Oh my God, Christina Hendricks! Can I just say, I am, like, so excited for Mad Men to come back next month.
Christina: Oh my God, Camilla Belle! I have virtually no idea who you are.
Camilla: Oh, it’s like, totally not important. As long as you can give me some clues about what’s going on with Don Draper and what fabulous outfits you’ll be wearing next season!
Christina: Bitch, please. You think I’m telling you anything? I owe Matthew Weiner five million dollars and my right tit if I leak a spoiler.
Camilla: Well, that explains a lot. Or maybe nothing at all – I’m not really sure.
Christina: Best to just sit tight and wait like the rest of us, dear.
Camilla: Fine. But in the meantime, would it be weird if I just stared at your hair for awhile? I mean, sorry to be awkward, but that color is actually the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.
Christina: It’s not that weird. People actually ask me that all the time.
Camilla: So, who’s a bigger diva on-set – Betty Draper or Megan Draper?
Christina: Actually, Roger Sterling out-divas them all.
EDDIE REDMAYNE vs. KIRSTEN DUNST
Eddie: I must confess, Kirsten, I’m rather new to this March Fabness business. Do you think you could show me the ropes?
Kirsten: Marius, honey, I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.
Eddie: Stop it, love, or you’ll make me blush. I have to focus on my – what did that drag queen who hosts that modeling show call it? – oh, yes – my smize.
Kirsten: Oh, don’t be so modest, like that sexy and ever-so-slightly dumb gaze doesn’t come naturally to you. I don’t buy it for a second.
Eddie: Oh, who am I kidding? You’re right. I mean, a gentleman can’t exactly pull off a velvet suit if he’s not already fashionable, right?
Kirsten: Absolutely. And you, sir, are working the shit out of that velvet.
Eddie: Yes, I know. You know, you’re fairly stylish yourself, Kirsten. You would’ve had a shot at making it to Round 2 – if you weren’t paired up against me, that is.
Kirsten: I’m sorry, what about being up against you?
Eddie: Keep it in your checkerboard dress, lady. I’ve got a McQueen tux to pose in.
Kirsten: Whatever, dude. You look like an overgrown child anyway.