March Fabness 2014, Round 1: Dior Bracket


It’s Monday and that’s hard. Treat yourself to four fabulous new celebrity match-ups. 

CATE BLANCHETT vs. NATALIE PORTMAN
Cate's dress by Maison Martin Margiela, shoes by Casadei; Natalie's dress and shoes by Christian Dior

Cate’s dress by Maison Martin Margiela, shoes by Casadei; Natalie’s dress and shoes by Christian Dior

CATE: Well, I am simply EXHAUSTED.

NATALIE: Hmph. Is that so?

Cate's dress by Proenza Schouler, shoes by Giuseppe Zanotti; Natalie's dress, purse, and shoes by Christian Dior

Cate’s dress by Proenza Schouler, shoes by Giuseppe Zanotti; Natalie’s dress, purse, and shoes by Christian Dior

CATE: Yes, can’t you tell? I didn’t get a wink of sleep last night. Aren’t you at all curious as to why?

NATALIE: Not even slightly.

Cate's dress and shoes by Balenciaga; Natalie's dress by Christian Dior, shoes by Charlotte Olympia

Cate’s dress and shoes by Balenciaga; Natalie’s dress by Christian Dior, shoes by Charlotte Olympia

CATE: Really? Are you sure you can’t even IMAGINE why –

NATALIE: Listen, Cate, if you’re trying to get me to congratulate you on your Oscar, it’s not going to happen.

Cate's gown by Valentino, shoes by Christian Louboutin; Natalie's gown and purse by Christian Dior

Cate’s gown by Valentino, shoes by Christian Louboutin; Natalie’s gown and purse by Christian Dior

CATE: Well – I – that’s not at all what –

NATALIE: Bitch, please. You are as transparent as cellophane.

Cate's gown by Armani Priv; Natalie's gown by Christian Dior

Cate’s gown by Armani Privé; Natalie’s gown by Christian Dior

CATE: Fine. I was going to tell you the story of how I woke up today at dawn in Bruce Dern’s limo wearing nothing but Jared Leto’s red bow tie, but have it your way.

NATALIE: Been there, done that. Occupational hazard of being an Oscar winner.

DITA VON TEESE vs. VICTORIA BECKHAM
Dita's jumpsuit by Gucci, shoes by Christian Louboutin; Victoria's skirt by Isabel Marant, purse by Victoria Beckham, shoes by Giuseppe Zanotti

Dita’s jumpsuit by Gucci, shoes by Christian Louboutin; Victoria’s skirt by Isabel Marant, purse by Victoria Beckham, shoes by Giuseppe Zanotti

DITA: Really, Posh? Schoolgirl chic? What is this, 1997?

VICTORIA: Thanks, but I do not generally take fashion tips from women who cover their breasts in spiderwebs.

Dita's dress by Elie Saab, shoes by Christian Louboutin; Victoria's dress by Victoria Beckham, shoes by Casadei

Dita’s dress by Elie Saab, shoes by Christian Louboutin; Victoria’s dress by Victoria Beckham, shoes by Casadei

DITA: Oh, is that right? Well, you could also lighten the fuck up and smile once in awhile.

VICTORIA: A grin doesn’t go with this outfit.

Dita's dress by Ulyana Sergeenko; Victoria's top, skirt, and sunglasses by Victoria Beckham

Dita’s dress by Ulyana Sergeenko; Victoria’s top, skirt, and sunglasses by Victoria Beckham

DITA: When you dress as well as I do, a smile goes with everything, you sullen little mannequin.

VICTORIA: Tell me, do you use a Delorean or a Time-Turner to travel back to the 1940s and steal every actress’s wardrobe?

Dita's gown by Jenny Packham; Victoria's top, skirt, sunglasses, and purse by Victoria Beckham, shoes by Casadei

Dita’s gown by Jenny Packham; Victoria’s top, skirt, sunglasses, and purse by Victoria Beckham, shoes by Casadei

DITA: If you’re trying to insult me, you’re doing it wrong. Plus, you can’t shame a burlesque diva.

VICTORIA: You do burlesque? Is that still even a thing?

Dita's gown by Jenny Packham; Victoria's top, skirt, sunglasses and purse by Victoria Beckham, shoes by Casadei

Dita’s gown by Jenny Packham; Victoria’s top, skirt, sunglasses and purse by Victoria Beckham, shoes by Casadei

DITA: Of course. It’s rather like being a Spice Girl, except it requires actual talent.

VICTORIA: Touché.

EMMA ROBERTS vs. DAKOTA FANNING
Emma's dress by Cushnie et Ochs, shoes by Christian Louboutin; Dakota's dress by Chanel, shoes by Brian Atwood

Emma’s dress by Cushnie et Ochs, shoes by Christian Louboutin; Dakota’s dress by Chanel, shoes by Brian Atwood

EMMA: Hey, Dakota. I love your dress and everything, but you’re giving all millennials a bad name with those Heidi braids.

DAKOTA: You leave my braids alone. I am an ethereal Scottish milkmaid and the world just needs to deal with it.

Emma's dress by Versace; Dakota's gown, purse, and shoes by Louis Vuitton

Emma’s dress by Versace; Dakota’s gown, purse, and shoes by Louis Vuitton

EMMA: Alright, weirdo.

DAKOTA: Look who’s talking. You look like a fashion robot.

Emma's dress and purse by Chanel; Dakota's top and skirt by Atelier Versace

Emma’s dress and purse by Chanel; Dakota’s top and skirt by Atelier Versace

EMMA: I take that as a compliment.

DAKOTA: Whatever. Talk to me when someone lets you wear couture.

Emma's gown and purse by Diane von Furstenberg; Dakota's gown by Rodarte, purse by Roger Vivier

Emma’s gown and purse by Diane von Furstenberg; Dakota’s gown by Rodarte, purse by Roger Vivier

EMMA: Don’t make me fight you in the middle of the Met Gala. Anna Wintour would NOT approve.

DAKOTA: She probably doesn’t approve of that tacky blue streak in your hair either.

Emma's gown by Lanvin, purse by Kotur; Dakota's gown by Elie Saab

Emma’s gown by Lanvin, purse by Kotur; Dakota’s gown by Elie Saab

EMMA: Whatever, like any of us even knew what the hell to do with that punk theme?

DAKOTA: Preach, girl. There are few things less punk in the world than an extraordinarily fancy high fashion industry gala held at the Metropolitan Museum of Art where every person’s outfit cost more than the price of an average car.

LILY COLLINS vs. OLGA KURLYENKO
Lily's dress by Valentino, shoes by Jimmy Choo; Olga's top, purse, and shoes by Christian Dior

Lily’s dress by Valentino, shoes by Jimmy Choo; Olga’s top, purse, and shoes by Christian Dior

LILY: Hi, Olga! How are you doing on this fabulous Monday?

OLGA: I’m hungover as shit, Lily. Can you please be a little bit less enthusiastic and maybe whip me up a quick Bloody Mary?

Lily's romper by Emilio Pucci, shoes by Aperlai

Lily’s romper by Emilio Pucci, shoes by Aperlai; Olga’s dress by Elie Saab

LILY: Jeez, you’re moody. Were you Oscar-partying all night?

OLGA: And then some. Now how about that Bloody Mary?

Lily's dress by Cushnie et Ochs, shoes by Giuseppe Zanotti; Olga's gown by Burberry

Lily’s dress by Cushnie et Ochs, shoes by Giuseppe Zanotti; Olga’s gown by Burberry

LILY: Honey, I’m in a white dress and white shoes. I am NOT risking spilling a Bloody Mary on this outfit.

OLGA: Fine. Just pass me some aspirin and leave me alone.

Lily's top by Paper London, skirt by Halston Heritage; Olga's gown by Marchesa, purse by Stark

Lily’s top by Paper London, skirt by Halston Heritage; Olga’s gown by Marchesa

LILY: Not until you tell me at least one story about the Oscars.

OLGA: LEAVE. ME. ALONE. And pass me a coconut water.

Lily's gown by Houghton; Olga's gown by Christian Dior

Lily’s gown by Houghton; Olga’s gown by Christian Dior

LILY: Fine. Just one tidbit of gossip?

OLGA: Well, I don’t remember much, but all I know is I woke up at dawn in June Squibb’s limo with Jared Leto asking me if I’d seen his bow tie.


© Democracy Diva, 2014.
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