Happy Monday, fellow divas! Make your week extraordinary by adding a whopping dose of judgment.
FREIDA PINTO at the Women of Worth celebration in New York
dress by Bibhu Mohapatra, purse by Sarah’s Bag
I wonder what makes Freida Pinto’s hair so shiny. Does she shampoo with unicorn blood? Also, kudos to Ms. Pinto – this outfit is trendy (coordinated crop top/skirts are basically the only thing you’re allowed to wear to vaguely casual red carpet events anymore) without feeling like it’ll be last season in about an hour and a half. Loving the print, the metallics, and that hot pink lipstick that by all logic should clash with the baby pink in the outfit. And yet it doesn’t, because Freida Pinto is magic.
LUPITA NYONG’O at the Star Wars Force 4 Fashion event in New York
dress by Zac Posen
Those aren’t sequins or rhinestones – they’re LED lights, and they were coded by teenage girls through Google’s Made With Code Initiative. TEEN GIRLS CODED THIS RED CARPET DRESS, AND IT LOOKS AWESOME, AND I AM FILLED WITH FEMINIST PRIDE AND GREAT FASHION-Y FEELINGS.
LUPITA NYONG’O at SiriusXM Studios in New York
dress by Narciso Rodriguez
Still holding out hope that I can transform into Lupita Nyong’o at some point in the next eleven months. I just think everything I want to wear to my wedding would look so much better on me if I happened to be Lupita Nyong’o, you know?
NAOMIE HARRIS at the Spectre Japan release party
dress by Alexander McQueen, shoes by Giuseppe Zanotti
I have A Thing for Naomie Harris. Not because I’ve ever actually seen a movie she’s in (oops, sorry Naomie), but because her red carpet game is so consistently strong. She’s serving up a breath of fresh springtime air, and I am eating it up. Or, breathing it in. IDK, whatever you do with metaphorical air, that’s what I’m doing.
NAOMIE HARRIS at the Spectre Japan release after-party
dress by Burberry, shoes by Sophia Webster
The dress is chic and sexy, but this outfit is all about the shoes, which are a goddamn triumph:
HER SHOES HAVE BUTTERFLY WINGS. Why don’t MY shoes have butterfly wings? I think I’m doing life wrong, you guys.
ALESSANDRA AMBROSIO in Los Angeles
top and skirt by Magda Butrym
Are words really necessary, or can I just snap three times in a circular formation?
KARLIE KLOSS at the Women of Worth celebration in New York
gown by Rosie Assoulin
How to wear white and florals in the winter, by Karlie Kloss: 1) Winter white is a thing, and bitches better get on board. 2) Do a giant-ass cut-out that might be a flower, or a snowflake, or just a random assortment of shapes that allow a flash of leg without actually exposing your whole body to the
CHRIS HEMSWORTH at the London premiere of In the Heart of the Sea
suit by Burberry, shoes by Christian Louboutin
As long as I pretend that that 90s game show host hair doesn’t exist, this is delightful. Also, I’m loving the rise of men in Louboutins over the last year or so. Men deserve over-priced, over-gorgeous, red-soled shoes too, dammit.
AMAL CLOONEY at Charlotte Tilbury’s Christmas party in London
top and pants by Lanvin
You know you’re too fabulous when you can make shiny green culottes look fashionable. No one should be able to make this work, but Amal Clooney defies the laws of nature.
KATE BOSWORTH at the Erdem 10 Year Anniversary Party
dress by Erdem
Ignore the camera angle that makes Kate’s wrist look like it’s made of rubber. (If you can. It’s kind of impossible for me to stop staring at that wobbly wrist.) I’m a fan of this dress, but Ms. Bosworth is approaching Julianne Moore levels of “oh my god, HOW MANY DRESSES HAVE YOU WORN THAT SHOE WITH?”
KATE BOSWORTH at the Charlotte Tilbury Christmas party in London
dress by Simone Rocha, shoes by Nicholas Kirkwood
It’s like someone took a perfectly cute dress and decided to make it as frumpy as possible. I’m not sure if the hemline is slightly askew, or if that’s just Kate’s posture, but either way, it’s bothering me. And what is with that long, wavering diagonal seam across the skirt? Is that an accident? And the textured X over her chest is for what – carrying ivory glittery ammo on the red carpet? I don’t think I understand what this is supposed to be.
JULIANNE MOORE at the Women of Worth celebration in New York
dress by Alexander McQueen
I’m going to boycott all things Julianne Moore until she FINALLY stops wearing those shoes. Don’t get me wrong, they’re totally fine, but if I had to guess, I’d say she’s worn them to… maybe fifty events in the last two years? Julianne, you are a star. You have access to ALL OF THE SHOES. Wear some. That is all I ask.
JULIANNE MOORE at the Gotham Independent Film Awards in New York
dress by Saint Laurent
I had a busy week at work last week, so I must have missed the article about how we’ve managed to halt the aging process altogether. Thank goodness Julianne was here to show me proof of this significant achievement for humankind, with her eternally youthful skin and general fabulousness.
ROONEY MARA at the Chanel Metiers d’Art show in Rome
dress and shoes by Chanel
If Rooney Mara hadn’t been frozen in this same exact aesthetic for the past three years, I might actually have a shot at liking this outfit. Alas…
SARAH HYLAND at the GQ Men of the Year party in Los Angeles
top and skirt by Jonathan Simkhai
I’m all for asymmetry, but those straps look kind of uncomfortable. Would just doing one of them over her left shoulder really have destroyed the integrity of this outfit? I’m just afraid it may take Sarah the next five years to untangle herself from this ensemble.
RACHEL MCADAMS at the Gotham Independent Film Awards in New York
jumpsuit by Noam Hanoch
I’m all for a kicky jumpsuit, but let’s not pretend that cut-out looks good on literally anyone.
KRISTEN STEWART at the Chanel Metiers d’Art show in Rome
jacket and pants by Chanel
Congratulations on finding a way to make Chanel look youthful! The secret is apparently to not wear a shirt under your Chanel jacket. Duly noted. Also, apparently extra-wide-leg leather pants are a thing? I’m going to need someone to justify the existence of these things.
MILEY CYRUS at the New York premiere of A Very Murray Christmas
dress and shoes by Prada
Hey, if I can’t see Miley’s fallopian tubes, I consider it a red carpet victory.
MILEY CYRUS at the ONE Campaign and (RED) party in New York
For the gay rodeo clown in all of us.
SARAH PAULSON at the Gotham Independent Film Awards in New York
dress by Cushnie et Ochs
Sarah Paulson is extraordinarily talented, and her red carpet game is strong, but under no circumstances will I allow hair like this to roam Hollywood freely. There is no greater threat to American values and freedom than a chestnut pixie cut with bleached-blonde extensions. So the Democracy Diva hath proclaimed.
LAKE BELL at the Gotham Independent Film Awards in New York
dress by Calvin Klein
Ah, yes, because no woman’s wardrobe is complete without a dress that features saggy boob pouches! Saggy Boob Pouches: coming soon to a department store near you.