Welcome back to the drunken hot mess that is the Golden Globes!

Best Dressed: ZENDAYA COLEMAN
gown by Marchesa

It was not so long ago that more than one of my weekly fashion recaps would end with a photo of Zendaya and the following gif:

Such were the dubious fashion choices of a young starlet. But over the past year, Zendaya has started to blow this old diva’s mind with her style. The Golden Globes were no exception. She went for print and color and texture and high drama, and I ate it up with a spoon. Not every woman can work a silhouette like this, but Zendaya’s got the fashion caliber to pull it off. Bonus points for not adding a necklace (so many basic bitches would have) and letting the dress’s neckline sing.

Runner-Up: CATE BLANCHETT
gown by Givenchy, jewelry by Tiffany & Co.

Before the red carpet started, I heard someone on E! ask, “Who will be the best dressed of the night?” I shouted “CATE BLANCHETT” back at my TV, and I wasn’t far off the mark. Cate has the unique quality that lets her wear insane runway-ready pieces. But god bless her, she never wears the same sort of gown twice, unlike some actresses I’ll get to in the next post (*cough* ROONEY MARA *cough*). The gown is goddamn artwork, and the styling is somehow classic and futuristic at the same time, with that space-age chignon on the side of her head. I simply adore this woman.

Honorable Mention: JENNA DEWAN-TATUM
gown by Zuhair Murad, jewelry by Lorraine Schwartz

Like many of us, I didn’t know quite how awesome Jenna Dewan-Tatum was until I saw her performance of “Pony” to her husband Channing on Lip Sync Battle recently. Now, she’s making my jaw drop with her red carpet game. This dress was the Pony of the red carpet. (Can we make that a thing? If something is really good, like Channing and/or Jenna gyrating to “Pony” good, can we just call it a Pony?) Anyway, Jessica’s fashion game was about as on-point as her husband’s hair was TERRIBLE.

I have stared into the eyes of the devil, and seen only that greasy lock of hair in Channing’s face.

NATALIE DORMER
gown by J. Mendel

Queen Margaery is another one who’s had an epic year on the red carpet, and though her hair is quite upsetting to me, her dress was a bold choice. She’s never one to shy away from a risk – like Jena Malone, that means she’ll occasionally fail, but I’ll love her to death for keeping me interested.

JULIANNE MOORE
gown by Tom Ford, jewelry by Chopard

This was gorgeous, but it would have had ten times the impact if fellow ginger Bryce Dallas Howard hadn’t already walked the red carpet in a stellar sapphire gown.

CAITRIONA BALFE
gown by Alexander McQueen

I don’t totally know who this is – Google tells me she’s on Outlander – but this was a RISK for a lesser-known star, and it paid off.

SAOIRSE RONAN
gown by Saint Laurent, jewelry by Chopard

I finally know how to pronounce her name! It rhymes with inertia! (Thanks, Eddie Redmayne.) Anyway, if you want minimalism done right, look no further than Saoirse. Also: there were SO MANY CAPES at this event. Like, Comic-Con amounts of capes. This one worked particularly well, balancing out that glorious sideboob and the delicate styling.

JUDITH LIGHT

FUCK YOU IF YOU DON’T LIKE JUDITH LIGHT’S IVORY TUXEDO, OKAY? JUDITH LIGHT IS A NATIONAL TREASURE.

ALAN CUMMING

A note to Jason Sudeikis: if you insist on wearing sneakers with a suit, they better be FUCKING FABULOUS sneakers. Alan Cumming and his Harry Potter glasses will show you the way.

SOPHIA BUSH
gown by Narciso Rodriguez

She’s walking that fine line between minimalist and boring, but the gorgeous styling keeps it just interesting enough for me.

RACHEL BLOOM
gown by Christian Siriano, jewelry by H. Stern, purse by Salvatore Ferragamo

I don’t love the proportions of this gown for her, and the color is a tad old-fashioned, but no one on earth was as happy as Rachel Bloom was when she won that Golden Globe. Her total radiance was fabulous enough to make up for the red carpet errors that are common amongst new starlets on the block.

AMBER HEARD
gown by Gucci

I loved this at first, and then decided it was painfully boring, and now I don’t even know where I land on it. Any thoughts? I adore the neckline, but I really expected Amber to aim for something more daring than this.

ANGELA BASSETT
gown by Safiyaa

This would have been an amazing look if the dress actually fit her.

HEIDI KLUM
gown by Marchesa

Heidi in a plunging neckline and fringe? No shit. How positively revolutionary.

LILY JAMES
gown by Marchesa

The fact that you can see where on her shoulder the illusion netting ends? That is destroying any hope this gown had of working for me. It’s not a particularly interesting look to start with, but that detail just kills me.

KATY PERRY
gown by Prada, jewelry by Harry Winston

I thought we all agreed like eight years ago that Bump-Its were crimes against humanity, except when deployed at costume parties. And when did Katy Perry become boring? I’ve never been the biggest fan of her red carpet fashion, but lately, it just feels like she’s phoning it in.

EVA LONGORIA
gown by Georges Hobeika

Would that my grandmother were alive to see this dress. Bubbie would have been absolutely thrilled to see one of her handmade embroidered tablecloths walk down the red carpet.

TAYLOR SCHILLING
suit by Thakoon, jewelry by Monique Pean, purse by Anya Hindmarch, shoes by Giuseppe Zanotti

Ugh, Piper is the WOOORST.

KATE WINSLET
gown by Ralph Lauren

She has worn this dress to every goddamn awards show for the last decade. I can’t take it anymore.

Worst Dressed: AMANDA PEET
gown by Alexander McQueen

This is a cry for help.

—
© Democracy Diva, 2016.
. facebook . twitter .