Rihanna

Let’s study this from top to bottom.

• I’m so over Rihanna’s Elmo hair, it’s not even funny.
• Really? A hippie headband? Who is she, Mary-Kate Olsen in 2008?
• What’s going on with her breasts? Pardon me, but she looks like her implants deflated. Invest in a push-up bra or a new plastic surgeon, honey.
• What a pathetic attempt at a Madonna costume. One crucifix necklace, a bra-esque top and a big poofy skirt? Put a little more effort into your imitations.
• I kind of like those boots. Because Rayanne Graff would have worn them.

Emma Stone in Pucci

Emma Stone, why so serious? You keep getting cast in movies, you are everyone’s go-to for the cute little alternative vixen. And your lisp is so precious, I can’t even handle it. So dress up! No reason to wrap your face in a frown and your body in a cheap bag of garbage. Wear something bright, feel good in it, and light up the red carpet like I know you can.

Kesha

And I thought Emma Stone’s dress looked too much like trash bags… now I can see that that was a subtle take on this trash-tastic ensemble. But what’s far worse than that dress is what I thought was a scarf and now can see it’s KESHA’S HAIR. That giant braid is longer than the bitch’s arm.

Ashley Greene in Giambattista Valli

Surprisingly cute, classy and formal, considering it’s the VMAs. The bodice is adorable, I like the draping on the skirt, but I think she could use a really blingin’ necklace. Cute bracelet and purse, though. And SMILE, BITCHES! It’s the VMAs. It’s not like any of these awards actually matter. Just have a good time.

Katy Perry in Marchesa

Katy Perry's nails

I’m not much of a Katy Perry fan, and I usually hate how she styles herself, but even I must admit that this is kind of adorable. It’s like the super-gay version of Ashely Greene’s dress.It’s more appropriate for an ice dancer than a red carpet, but it’s sexy and intriguing and costumey and fun. I hate the pink lipstick and the shoes are kind of immature, but I love the illusion of nudity and the way the skirt ways. And check out her fingernails – individual faces of her beau Russell Brand. Creepy, but if I was the woman who got Russell Brand to settle down, I’d show it off too.

Florence Welch in Givenchy Haute Couture

Oh my God, it’s Florence. She is a total powerhouse with a ridiculous voice – she’s a true artist, which is why she gave by far the best performance at the VMAs. It also didn’t hurt that she was basically the only performer who didn’t lip sync, and furthermore, she’s that rare performer who STILL SOUNDS FUCKING AWESOME when she’s singing live and running around the stage like a maniac. Her and Gaga are the only artists in recent VMAs memory to achieve such a thing.

I’ve known for months that Florence was a crazy-amazing musician, but until the VMAs, I didn’t know that she’s also a total fashionista. She’s wearing Givenchy haute couture and NAILING it, which is something that a fashion newbie just can’t do. It’s totally glam, but that zipper down the middle keeps it a little more casual and appropriate for the event. And that gold color against her jaw-droppingly red hair is perfect. And I love a redhead who’s not afraid to rock red lipstick. Perfect fit, adorable purse, and a long-sleeved formal gown is always interesting.

Lady Gaga in Alexander McQueen

Lady Gaga in Alexander McQueen

What on earth could be more dramatic than wearing head-to-toe McQueen from his final collection? Only a diva in the truest sense of the word can get away with that. She’s posing like she knows she’s winning Video of the Year – I mean, it’s not like anything can even compare to “Bad Romance” – and the fact that she can walk in those twelve inch – yes, TWELVE inch – heels is simply astounding. And honestly? It’s not that insane, for Gaga. It has an element of wearability that many of her outfits lack. I mean, she’s still wearing a mohawk made of feathers, but at least you can see her face.

Lady Gaga in Armani

It took her ten minutes to get on the stage in this, but from what I can see, it’s gorgeous and dramatic, like the Lady herself.

Lady Gaga in Franc Fernandez

And here is the infamous meat dress, which everyone found shocking because they didn’t see the meat outfit she wore on a magazine cover last week. And yes, friends, this is actually raw meat. I actually think the shoes and hat are awesome. The dress, well, just looks like meat. I know that’s the point, but it could have a little more design to it. (I say this having never tried to sew meat together before, so forgive me for my ignorance.) And there’s something so glamorous about raw meat accessorized with a shitload of diamonds. This is the extreme version of gritty-meets-pretty. Or gritty-meats-pretty, I suppose.

And whether you love or hate this, or it just makes you hungry or nauseous, you can’t deny that Gaga saying, “I never thought I’d be asking Cher to hold my meat purse!” is probably the funniest thing in VMAs history.

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Project Runway recap will be up tomorrow! Check back later for that post and your weekly fashion recap.