The Week in Celebrity Fashion, Part 2

There are so many more thin, rich bitches to judge, dear readers. Let’s not waste time with pleasantries.

There’s work to be done.

American Music Awards 2010 Red Carpet

By popular demand, here is everything you need to know about the mostly fugly, but sometimes fabulous American Music Awards red carpet! Let’s judge some rich and thin bitches – it’s like therapy, but free.

Heidi Klum

I love lace as much as the next girl, but I don’t think I can handle another sheer lace dress on the red carpet. Certainly not this one, which is just strange and ugly. The sash in the middle is unflattering and doesn’t go with the rest of the garment. The sleeves look old-fashioned and matronly. I don’t think this fits her all that well, and even if it did, I just see no appeal to this dress. Sorry, Frau Klum. Auf wiedersehen.

Jessica Alba in Cushnie et Ochs

I try to mention Jessica Alba as little as possible on this blog, because I think she is possibly the most boring person on the planet. She’s never done or worn anything interesting; worse yet, she’s hailed as an A-list celebrity and fashion icon in spite of the fact that she’s not good at anything. But I felt guilty ignoring her when I’m talking about basically every single other celeb on the red carpet at the AMAs. Anyway, the jewelry is too chunky, the dress is boring, and the hair is downright lazy. And I know it’s only the AMAs, but you still need to blow dry your hair before leaving the house. Just a thought.

Katy Perry in Badgley Mischka

When did Katy Perry get so classy? I mean, sure, it looks like she may have some balled-up tissues glued to her cocktail dress, but this is uncommonly normal, especially for a woman who has candy shooting out of her boobs in half her music videos. She looks stunning here – it’s easy to forget how beautiful she is when she’s running around in blue Betty Page wigs and loud dresses that are a few sizes smaller than she should be wearing. But here, she’s positively glowing. Looks like marriage really can make you grow up, even if you marry someone who used to be addicted to heroin and sex.

Pink in vintage Janey Lopaty

I don’t know what year Pink thinks it is, but in 2010, women can be pregnant and still look good on the red carpet! Just because you’re with child doesn’t mean you have to dress like a blind nun. What the hell is going on with the fit of this sad little dress? The bust is a complete disaster. And the grey-blue hair is just annoying.

Rihanna in Elie Saab Haute Couture

Rihanna in Elie Saab Haute Couture

Like her colleague Ms. Perry, Rihanna looked surprisingly classy and glamorous. I honestly think this is the best she’s ever looked.  Her hair, while still a bit insane, has gotten infinitely less stupid. And though this dress is over-the-top, I think it’s exactly the right dress for her. She’s completely covered up and totally revealed at the same time. I love the color and the fit, but she gets a few points off for jumping on the sheer lace dress bandwagon.

Rihanna in Elie Saab Haute Couture

Damn. This is seriously a gorgeous dress. Beautiful color and amazing draping. The popped leg is a bit much – Rihanna, we’ll still believe you have thighs even if you stop flashing them for a moment – but once again, a usually nutter-butter pop star looks shockingly classy and fabulous.

Christina Milian

Apparently, Christina Milian is still alive. But she’s clearly been abducted by slutty Hollywood aliens – and even the aliens can’t help but throw some lace on this dress.

Jenny McCarthy in Stella McCartney

Ugly, outdated, and boring.

Kelly Osbourne in Christian Dior

People need to stop photographing Kelly Osbourne from this angle. The girl has a weirdly large head to begin with, and this angle really isn’t doing her any favors. But at least she’s rocking her little black dress. I like the trannylicious eye makeup and the pop of turquoise in her jewelry. She’s really turned herself from the chunky kid of a bat-eating rocker into a beautiful and stylish fashionista.

Fergie in Falguni and Shane Peacock

If a suit of armor and a 1920s flapper had a love child who ended up working as a drag queen in a burlesque club, this is what she would wear.


Better, but still tacky as hell and a size too small. And you can give that haute couture pose all you want, Ferg, but that won’t distract from the fact that you have no taste and no talent.

Mandy Moore in Matthew Williamson

Um, Mandy? What the hell happened to you? Obviously there was an ill-informed hair dye choice and a switch to a really boring stylist, but did you also get some bad work done? Because this bitch is completely unrecognizable. Cheekbone implants? A new chin? Botox? An eyelift? I don’t know what you did, but I hope you can undo it, and fast.

Darren Criss

Finally, someone with both a sense of style and a sense of humor! This Glee cutie is looking mighty adorable in his suit, made a little more casual and funky with a fabulous plaid shirt and white tie.

Jada Pinkett Smith in Emilio Pucci

Good lord, when will she stop? I used to love me some Jada, but her sense of style has been on a downward spiral for quite some time. I hate the mullet skirt, the gladiator accessories, and most of all, these God-awful colors.

Willow Smith

One day, Willow, we can look back on this together and laugh. This is like the worst of Lady Gaga meets the worst of Michael Jackson, plus the ugliest shoes in the history of mankind. You may be the spawn of famous, beautiful, and talented people, and you may be friggen’ adorable, but this is unforgiveable, even for a child.

Taylor Swift in Collette Dinnigan

T-Swift is looking mighty fierce, if basically unrecognizable, with her new bangs. I think it’s about time that she went for a more mature and dramatic haircut, but she looks so different that this might actually end up hurting her. The dress is unoffensive but also unsurprising – Taylor basically lives in red gowns and sparkly cocktail dresses. But I’m glad her style is maturing – I think she’s never looked better.

Miley Cyrus in Marchesa

Miley Cyrus in Marchesa

The number one reason that I hate trains: if you don’t know what to do with it, it just looks like the entire roll of toilet paper got caught on your shoe in the ladies’ room. Take it away, and you’ve got a basic, boring, teeny little starlet dress. And tacky stripper-meets-ice-dancer shoes. But at least I can’t see her hoo-ha. That’s an improvement.

Whitney Port in Rafael Cennamo

Is it just me, or is this just a draped and belted copy of Miley’s dress?

Avril Lavigne

How many more years is Avril going to hold onto that awful hairdo? At least stars with similarly tacky hair styles (like Pink, Rihanna, Katy Perry, etc.) change their hairdos constantly to keep us talking, even if it’s about how they look crazier than ever. Does anybody still do this stick-straight, no-bangs hairdo, or did that go out of style at least five years ago? Not to mention the black-under-platinum coloring, which certainly hasn’t been trendy since George W. Bush’s first term, and the pink streaks, which I think died with the end of the 20th century. If you’re going to be a no-talent faux punk princess, at least give us something new to say about your style.

Sheryl Crow in Etro

This looks like it was made through a collaboration of Project Runway season 8 winner Gretchen and season 4 finalist Uli. It’s a lot of print, but that’s not the biggest problem. I think the fit and the colors are just too drab and sad for the red carpet. If it were shorter and tighter, I might support the ugly prints, but this is just a bit too lame.

Nicki Minaj in Manish Arora

I’m making the same face, because I’ve been looking at this photo for days and I just noticed that the bright green color next to her arms is not part of the dress, but part of her HAIR. I have nothing to say except that now I understand why Rihanna and Katy look so normal – there are tackier, crazier, and somehow even less talented bitches ready to wear whatever ridiculous shit will get them even a modicum of attention. And I guess it worked, because here I am, blogging about this Lady Gaga wannabe like she actually deserves any of my attention.


Let that sink in, and then prepare yourself for the close-up:


I don’t think there’s anything left to say except that Kesha is clearly in desperate need of an intervention.

© Democracy Diva, 2010.

The Week in Celebrity Fashion

Gossip Girls On and Off the Set

Serena Van Der Woodsen and Blair Waldorf in Tibi

Readers, if you ever feel the need to lavish me with gifts, I’d like one of everything you see above. I wear a size six shoe. That is all.

Serena Van Der Woodsen in Zuhair Murad

Leave it to the Gossip Girl team to put Serena in a long-sleeved full length gown that STILL reveals every inch of flesh possible. But I still think it’s a gorgeous dress. And I love that it’s so much more naked than it seems at first glance. Like, surprise! You didn’t think you’d see my hoo-hah, but here it is!

Blake Lively in an Elie Saab dress and Christian Louboutin shoes

I love how similar this dress feels to the one before it, even though they’re actually quite different. The sleeves are gorgeous, and that lace slip is just too hot for words. Not as revealing, but just as sexy, because Blake has a killer set of stems. (Her tits go without saying.) Great shoes, and I’ll even forgive the dark toe nail polish because they match her nails and the general dark princess vibe of the overall look. But the sloppy braid looks lazy.

Divas Abroad

Dita Von Teese and John Galliano at his Spring 2011 show in Paris

There’s just no other word for it: Dita Von Teese is the definition of FIERCE. That suit is vintage perfection, and the pairing of those gloves and shoes was a brilliant move. And check out the shoes on Galliano! Totally badass.

Jon Hamm and Elisabeth Moss in Hervé Léger by Max Azria

I can’t sum up how Jon Hamm looks better than TLo, who really said it all:

JON: I’m hung! Have you noticed?

I know my parents read my blog and all (hi, mommy and daddy!) but… I still think we need to talk about Jon Hamm’s dick in that suit. Or at least acknowledge the fact that it is taking over this photograph.

Katy Perry at a T-Mobile event in Budapest, Hungary

It’s the age-old rule: Dress a size bigger and you’ll look a size smaller. Katy Perry breaks this rule on a daily basis. I also hate the hair, the makeup, the jewelry, and the dress itself.

Selena Gomez at a jewelry launch in London

Remember Barbie’s little sister Skipper? The tween version of Barbie? I’m pretty sure this is what she’d wear if she lived in Hollywood and started doing cocaine. Oddly enough, I don’t really mean that as an insult. I think Selena looks kind of awesome here. I know I should hate those pants, but they’re pretty badass. But since she’s Selena Gomez, she looks like a little doll version of badass girl. Which is sort of precious.

Rachel Bilson at Bulgari’s party during Milan Fashion Week

It’s all about the sassy pose, the devil-may-care attitude, and those killer shoes. And I can’t even handle that “I dare you to fall in love with me” look in her eyes. Ugh, my girl crush on her is SERIOUS.

Rachel Bilson at the Christian Dior Spring 2011 show in Paris

Rachel Bilson at the Christian Dior Spring 2011 show in Paris

The dress? Delicious in color, fit and style. The blazer? Stunning, and it was a great move to pair the two garments together. The shoes? I want them so badly, I may fly over to Paris and pry those off Rachel’s feet myself.

And can we just talk about how great her posture is in both photos? Rachel, your mama taught you well.

Models in Cavalli

Heidi Klum in Roberto Cavalli at the Milan Fashion Week amfAR gala

I hate the hair – Heidi is perfect-looking, but her face does not go well with that 1920s finger curl. But that gown is gorgeous, and like nearly everything Heidi wears, it’s shiny and it makes her boobs look perky as can be.

Heidi Klum in Roberto Cavalli at Paris Fashion Week

The hair is better, but you know I’m not a fan of those droopy silhouettes. And I know Cavalli designed both, so it makes sense that they look similar, but I don’t know why a supermodel would wear two such similar dresses to fashion events in consecutive weeks.

Tyra Banks in Roberto Cavalli at French Vogue’s masquerade ball in Paris

Different model turned fashion TV show host, same designer. The gown is way too long, but it’s nice enough. And I bet you’re thinking, how has she gone three sentences without commenting on THAT THING ON TYRA’S FACE? Seriously, I get that it’s a masquerade ball, but she looks ridiculous. And not in the look-how-avant-garde-I-am, Lady Gaga sort of way.

Tyra Banks in Robert Cavalli during Paris Fashion Week

And here, still in Cavalli, she looks ridiculous in a totally different, leopard print jumpsuit sort of way.

Ladies in the States


Kristin Davis in a Prada dress and Manolo Blahnik shoes in Los Angeles

Sad and drab. Charlotte deserves better!

Beyonce in Andrew Gn at a charity ball in New York City

Jesus. She looks like Mariah Carey in 1991. And that is certainly not a compliment. The dress looks identical to the 80s prom dress I bought for twenty bucks at a vintage store. I love my dress, but I’m not wearing it to a charity ball! The barely-there makeup is not a look that suits Beyonce, the hair looks sort of fake, and the dress emphasizes B’s tummy in a really unflattering way.

Katie Holmes in Louis Vuitton at a luncheon in Beverly Hills

This would look way better on Suri than it does on Katie.

Whitney Port at the launch of the Ebay Fashion Lookbook in Los Angeles

  • Evening makeup at a daytime event? Why?
  • My Bubbie (that’s ‘grandmother’ for those of you unfamiliar with Yiddish) could rock that sweater way harder, and she’s 87.
  • That awful blue colored denim, most popular circa 1997? On jeans that are peg-legged, knobbly-kneed, and wide through the hips? Once again, WHY?
  • Is that blue glitter toenail polish? I AM JUDGING YOU.

Kate Beckinsale at a screening of Nowhere Boy in Hollywood

Kate always looks stunning with a touch of bland, doesn’t she? Beautiful woman, great style, but she’s just so forgettable. I do think she’s a bit old for black nail and (ugh) toenail polish, and the dress also feels like she’s trying too hard to be younger, but she’s still got the flawless skin to pull it off. For now.

Lady Gaga performing with Yoko Ono in Los Angeles

If Lady Gaga, Cher, and Britney Spears in “Toxic” had a super-diva lovechild, this is what it would wear. This is phenomenal. Also, I wonder if Gaga has a personal trainer just for her ass. Or perhaps it has its own armed security guard. Because that thing is a work of art.

Need more fashion? Of course you do! Check out my coverage of New York Fashion Week, plus the best of Milan and London! For more updates, follow me on twitter @democracydiva.


The Week in Fashion

Best Reason to Love American Boys


Nothing’s cuter than a well-dressed nerd with an adorable dog – except when said nerd and dog are wearing Ray Bans! For wealthy girls looking for gifts for hipster boys, the rain jacket is by Gant Rugger; cardigan and shirt are by J. Crew; the gorgeous pants are by Band of Outsiders; and the shoes are of course Ferragamo.

Best Reason to Love European Men

The glasses, the jeans, the shoes, the blazers – all unique, all gorgeous, all classically European and gorgeous.

Over The Hills


A word to the wise – Betty White from the waist up and Paris Hilton from the waist down is not a look that works on anybody. A frumpy, matronly jacket with a miniskirt? And the only people who still style their hair and makeup like that are the wives of relatively unsuccessful Southern politicians.

Cutest Casual Wear


Bilson looks this good just running her goddamn ERRANDS. The top is perfect – that color is so summery and fabulous, and the little bitty hint of black bra peeking out is totally sexy. The shorts are the perfect length; she just looks perfectly petite, funky, and chic.

Worst of the Week



When you’re dressed for a Mormon compound, shouldn’t you wear pants?

Most Surprisingly Classy

Katy Perry

Katy, is that you? I’ve never seen you in anything that actually resembled clothing, let alone beautiful clothing. This dress is gorgeous, perfect for traipsing around Paris (where this photo was taken), and those heels are a shoe fanatic’s wet dream. Love the little belt cinching her waist, and loving the hints of crazy colors in her hair to remind you that she’s still a loony pop star.

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