There are so many more thin, rich bitches to judge, dear readers. Let’s not waste time with pleasantries.
LADY GAGA in New York City // dress by Stéphane Rolland, shoes by Brian Atwood
Lady Gaga is who cape dresses were made for. There’s so few people on this planet who can make a cape look awesome, but Gaga is working the hell out of it. Loving the Rachel Zoe-looking sunglasses and the gloves, of course.
KATY PERRY in London // dress by Giambattista Valli
Pink hair is so ten years ago, but I love the dress and the sweater she paired it with. I am also fully on board for the return of black sheer pantyhose. They’re stylish, and you can skip a few days of shaving your legs. Everybody wins!
AMANDA SEYFRIED at the Los Angeles premiere of In Time // dress and belt by Prabal Gurung, shoes by Jimmy Choo
I’m usually not into these Rorschach test prints, but Ms. Seyfried is pulling it off for real. The colors are gorgeous, but I wish she’d gone for a different belt or skipped the belt completely. The top doesn’t fit perfectly, so maybe that’s what the belt is attempting to hide. But the hair, makeup, and accessories are sleek and chic, and only work to emphasize that fierce little dress.
OLIVIA WILDE at the Los Angeles premiere of In Time // gown by Yigal Azrouel, purse by Alexander McQueen, shoes by Christian Louboutin
Working it. I usually don’t love those cobweb shoes, but I think they’re perfect with this gown.
OLIVIA WILDE at the CFDA Vogue Fashion Fund luncheon in Los Angeles // coat by Schumacher
Oof. It’s comforting to know that even Olivia Wilde has an off day, isn’t it? The blue accessories with the red cape over the white-lace-over-red dress is such an eyesore. Unless you’re at the White House 4th of July party, there’s really never an excuse to wear THIS much red, white, and blue.
DIANNA AGRON at the CFDA Vogue Fashion Fund luncheon in Los Angeles // dress by Libertine
Holy hell. I usually hate the boring, ill-fitting things Dianna wears on the red carpet, but this dress is absolutely adorable, and her hair looks PERFECT. It’s one of those haircuts that makes anything you wear look more stylish.
KATE BOSWORTH at the CFDA Vogue Fashion Fund luncheon in Los Angeles // top and skirt by Proenza Schouler
Yeah, it’s totally weird, but I dig it. As you know from my coverage of the Spring 2012 collections, crop tops are making a huge fucking comeback. I love the asymmetry and color-blocking of the top, and I think that there’s just enough midriff showing to keep you intrigued, without venturing into 1990s pop video territory. The skirt is super gorgeous – one of those universally awesome skirts that you can wear anywhere and feel fucking fabulous. The shoes might be a little heavy, but they’re in keeping with the funky aesthetic. Lose the Barbie lipstick and we’re good to go.
HAILEE STEINFELD at a British Fashion Council event in Hollywood // dress by Mary Katrantzou
Mary Katrantzou needs to have her fashion license revoked, just so I can stop looking at pictures of starlets in the world’s most hideous mixed-print dresses.
EVAN RACHEL WOOD at the London premiere of The Ides of March // jacket by Emilio Pucci, skirt by Prada, shoes by Salvatore Ferragamo
Evan’s in full-on drag queen mode, as per usual, but it’s working pretty well. The drama of a black outfit and red shoes with her beautiful porcelain skin is so effective. The jacket is beautiful, but the hair and makeup are a little painfully severe. I get that that’s what she’s going for, but I think a little less would have made the clothes speak louder.
JENNIFER HUDSON at a Saks event in New York City // dress by Elie Tahari
In terms of shape and silhouette, it’s right in Jennifer’s wheelhouse, but the mixed prints and colors are a bit of a new territory for her. I hope she continues to venture into sophisticated, modern patterns, because this dress looks absolutely fantastic on her. She can still use a little help to make the styling more unique, but she’s off to a damn good start.
KATIE HOLMES at a Marie Claire event in New York City // dress by Carven
It’s not bad for Katie. Sure, it’s boring me to tears, but that’s as much Katie’s fault as it is the outfit’s. She looks put-together, which is more than I can usually say for her. And although I’ve voiced my support for the sheer black tights, pairing them with Mary Janes will make you look like a school girl 100% of the time.
AMBER HEARD at the Moscow Salvatore Ferragamo show// dress and shoes by Salvatore Ferragamo
Amber Heard knows how to play the game: dress like a movie star, and the world will treat you like one. But the fit on the top of this dress is a hot disaster, as if Ferragamo designed half the dress and left the fitting up to one of the earliest designers to be eliminated on Project Runway. And this is so desperately under-accessorized, it’s shameful. But the girl never stops putting in the effort, so I respect her for that.
CAMILLA BELLE at the Moscow Salvatore Ferragamo show // dress, purse and shoes by Salvatore Ferragamo
Although I’m not all about that cap-toed shoe trend, and the matchy-matchiness of this look is absolutely overwhelming, I can’t deny that she’s working it. Fabulous makeup, gorgeous dress, and awesome accessories.
DIANE KRUGER at the Paris premiere of Special Forces // jacket and skirt by Chanel, pants by Helmut Lang, shoes by Alexander McQueen
I want to be famous so people will take pictures of me when I show up to events in an emo Muppet costume and leather pants.
UMA THURMAN at the Golden Heart Awards in New York City // dress by Carolina Herrera
I like the dress, but not on Uma. That pattern is so bright and silly that I think you need to be a bit younger, or just more fun-loving, to really pull it off.
MIRANDA KERR at a Victoria’s Secret event in New York City // gown and shoes by Michael Kors
Boring as hell but flawlessly sexy. That’s the Miranda Kerr guarantee.
WHITNEY PORT at the Global Fashion Awards in New York City
There’s really no need for her continued existence.
OLIVIA PALERMO at a boutique opening in Fidenza, Italy // top by Tibi, skirt by Markus Lupfer, shoes by Jimmy Choo
Haters can hate, but I’m kind of on board with this. I’m definitely in favor of that stunning skirt and the strappy shoes; the blue Tibi top is a harder sell when paired with that vest, but I think it’s weird in a good way. However, I think the world has progressed past stick-straight hair.
LEIGHTON MEESTER in New York City // top and skirt by Jason Wu, purse and shoes by Jimmy Choo
First, the bangs: They’re not so-ugly-they’re-cute in that hipster way, they’re just fucking hideous. Next, the blouse: It’s super ugly, and it requires a camisole under it. Things are less offensive below the waist, but sometimes I just can’t believe the ugly shit this girl decides to wear.
SALMA HAYEK at the San Francisco premiere of Puss in Boots
To the person who did this to Salma’s hair: I don’t know what tragedy occurred to convince you that it’s the 1980s, but I hope it’s some sort of temporary condition that will soon fade. Otherwise, I hereby fire you from ever touching a woman’s hair again, because perms are a crime against humanity. And this dress is so ugly, it’s stupid. I didn’t know there was an outfit on earth that could make Salma Hayek look short, wide, and mentally insane, but I guess this is it.