Welcome to Part II of your Met Gala recap!

FERGIE in Marchesa with JOSH DUHAMEL in Calvin Klein

Yes, she looks sort of like a sea monster on her wedding day, but I think it’s one of the best things she’s worn . . . well, ever. Not that Ferg sets the bar particularly high, but it’s a solid attempt at beauty, even if her fake tan and clearly gay husband get in the way.

FLORENCE WELCH

According to my sister Haley, Florence “looks like whatever the word SUMPTUOUS means.” I could not agree more.

FREIDA PINTO in Chanel

Certainly one of the worst of the night. There’s nothing sadder than a stunningly beautiful woman in a butt-ugly dress. Awful fit, the tie is absurd, the hair is limp and sad, the purse is half trailing behind her . . . girlfriend needs an intervention, and fast.

GINNIFER GOODWIN in Topshop

The matchy-matching of navy and teal in the purse, the necklace, the shoes, the eyeshadow – it’s TOO much. And this mediocre dress does nothing to help the situation. Honey, I don’t mean to get elitist on you, but this is the Met Gala. No matter how cute you think your little Topshop dress is, it’s going to look like a big bag of vomit next to Chanel couture.

GISELE BUNDCHEN in Alexander McQueen

Flawless, but I consider this more of an Oscars dress than a Met Gala gown. It’s Hollywood glamour at its best.

HAILEE STEINFELD in Stella McCartney

If this didn’t have a mullet hem, I’d love it.

GWYNETH PALTROW in Stella McCartney

Snooze.

IMAN

Another tidbit from the Diva’s big sister: Iman, supermodel/wife of David Bowie, “borrowed that jumpsuit from the ziggy stardust tour.” I don’t deny a woman’s right to rock pants on the red carpet, but jumpsuits don’t lend themselves to the hottest fashion event of the year.

JANELLE MONAE in Chanel

Her shtick will get tired son, but this blouse is truly breathtaking, and she’s workin’ it.

JENNIFER HUDSON in Vera Wang

I’m relieved she’s finally not wearing something mega-slutty, but this gown is the color of dirty dishwater. It’s a little sloppy.

JENNIFER LOPEZ in Gucci

The color is stunning, but the neck and shoulders are killing me. If it didn’t have the world’s giantest neck bow, and if you shrank the wreaths on her shoulders by about 75%, she’d really have something fabulous here.

JESSICA ALBA in Ralph Lauren

I don’t care if it’s meant to look like that – there’s no excuse, not even excessive pregnancy, for looking this wrinkled at the Met Gala.

JESSICA SZOHR in Topshop

Just another perfect quote from Haley: “she looks like a greasy muppet that got caught in a carwash.” Agreed. Those are some seriously ugly shoes, and how did more than one woman show up at this event in Topshop? Who is schooling these bitches on how to dress?

JOURDAN DUNN in Tom Ford

Stunning, but Anne Hathaway already wore it as one of her many costume changes during the Oscars.

KAROLINA KURKOVA in Jean Paul Gaultier

Now, THIS is what the Met Gala is about. Supermodels in ridiculous couture.

KATE HUDSON in Stella McCartney

Probably the best she’s looked in years. Pregnant ladies don’t get to excuse away style mishaps, but they do get a lower bar for how “risky” they have to go. Just putting on heels at that stage of knocked-upness is risky.

KERRY WASHINGTON in Escada

Trashy ice dancer. That color is beyond tacky.

KIRSTEN DUNST in Chanel

Why can’t Kirsten Dunst dress like she’s older than twelve?

KRISTEN BELL in Tory Burch

SNOOZE.

KRISTEN STEWART in Proenza Schouler

This girl needs a good punch in the face.

LEA MICHELE in Escada

Meh. Not loving it. It’s a little stiff and a little ordinary. But the purse is cute.

LEIGHTON MEESTER in Louis Vuitton

She looks like S&M lawn furniture.

LIV TYLER in Givenchy

Best of the night. The yellow purse was a stroke of genius. Liv doesn’t seem like she’d be able to pull off this Florence Welch style, but she really worked it. Absolutely gorgeous.

MADONNA in Stella McCartney

It’s a size too small, which is ruining a dress that is otherwise lovely. But it looks pretty gorgeous from the back:

More later! Stay tuned for Part Three!

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© Democracy Diva, 2011.