Welcome to the third and final chapter in your ultimate guide to the Met Gala fashion!

MAGGIE GYLLENHAAL in Alexander McQueen

The bust on this is killing me. That ever-so-slightly askew neckline is so distracting, and her boobs look lopsided. Not a fan.

MARY-KATE OLSEN in Givenchy

Great color, but we know how I feel about matchy-matchy jewelry, and showing up to red carpet events looking like a heroin-addicted gypsy.

MIA WASIKOWSKA in Thakoon

Cut a foot off that hem, and it’s a great little dress.

MICHELLE MONAGHAN in Derek Lam

Sexy and beautiful, but too plain for the event. It’s a little Barbie, but the dark, dramatic hair helps.

MICHELLE WILLIAMS in Miu Miu

A nice change of pace from her little lace Twiggy dresses, but still a little too low-key.

MIRANDA KERR in Marchesa

What sad, lonely stripper did she steal those shoes from? Why is she in a slutty bridal gown that got caught in a lawnmower? Supermodels should know better.

NAOMI CAMPBELL

Uh . . . I’m scared to say anything bad, because Naomi will throw a fucking telephone at my head, but this might be the ugliest thing I’ve ever seen. It looks like the love child of an angel and a creature from Where the Wild Things Are.

NICOLE RICHIE

We get it. You love a disco-throwback ball gown.

PENELOPE CRUZ in Oscar de la Renta

She wears this dress to EVERYTHING. It’s sad, because she’s hot enough to pull off something really crazy, but she never goes for it.

RASHIDA JONES in Stella McCartney

This girl always looks frumped out. The wrinkles and folds are in all the wrong places, the weird piece of fabric coming out of her side is distracting, and the color is most likely to be seen on a bridesmaid’s dress.

RENEE ZELLWEGER in Carolina Herrera

When you haven’t eaten since Jerry Maguire, wearing a dress this nude actually makes you look invisible.

RIHANNA in Stella McCartney

That fucking braid is a DISGRACE. And this dress is boring. Oh, wait . . .

I just threw up in my mouth.

SALMA HAYEK in Alexander McQueen

Absolutely stunning, but wish it were in a real color. Love the purse.

SARAH JESSICA PARKER in Alexander McQueen

Love it. This is what I’d dress my mom in if she went to the Met Gala.

SERENA WILLIAMS in Oscar de la Renta

NO. MORE. FASCINATORS. And this dress is stupidly bridal.

SOFIA VERGARA in Carolina Herrera

No.

SOLANGE KNOWLES, sister of Beyonce

Who even invited her?

TAYLOR SWIFT in J. Mendel

The top half is much more beautiful than the bottom, but it resembles too closely some gowns she’s already worn. Girl needs to get off her J. Mendel kick.

ZOE SALDANA in Calvin Klein

And although this color is stunning, we’ve seen half the dresses from this collection on the red carpet this year. (see: both Claire Danes and Emma Stone at the Golden Globes.) I’m not sure how many more stripped-down, minimalist gowns in gorgeous spring colors I’m willing to call fabulous.

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© Democracy Diva, 2011.