The Week in Celebrity Fashion, Part 1

There’s so much more to cover, dear readers.

RACHEL BILSON at the Art of Elysium Gala // dress and purse by Chanel, shoes by Casadei

Photo: Jon Kopaloff/FilmMagic

Love. You can say it’s frilly and silly and ice skater-y and you probably wouldn’t be wrong, but it’s a stunning dress in a fabulous mint green color with a killer purse and adorable hair. And that’s something I can get behind.

RACHEL BILSON // dress by Suno

Photo: Justin Campbell/Startraksphoto.com

I don’t love the print – in fact, it’s a little bit hideous – but it makes her look super-tall. And that’s impressive, because she’s a petite one. I like the shape of the neck and bust, but everything below the waist is kind of – well, a waste.

KIRSTEN DUNST at the Art of Elysium Gala // gown by Valentino

Photo: Celebrity-Gossip

Fabulous. Can’t go wrong in lace Valentino, really. And her hair looks better than it has in ages.

CHARLIZE THERON at the BAFTA Awards Season party // dress by Stella McCartney, purse by Bottega Veneta, shoes by Christian Louboutin

Photo: Frazer Harrison/Getty

The drag queen makeup was unnecessary, but this dress is FAN-FUCKING-TASTIC. Love the yellow lace, love the subtle side cut-outs, love the peplum skirt, love the purse. Not crazy about the shoes, but I’ll forgive it, because she looks fierce as hell.

EVAN RACHEL WOOD at the BAFTA Awards Season party // jacket and skirt by Roland Mouret

Photo: Celebutopia

Can we collectively agree that her hair looks stupid? I wish the jacket fit her better – the exposed bra doesn’t bother me, but it looks silly on her, tucked into the skirt like that. I do love the color of the skirt, but I think the length is all wrong and the shoes were a boring choice.

SHAILENE WOODLEY at the BAFTA Awards Season party // dress by Jason Wu

Photo: Celebrity-Gossip

Young girls in Hollywood: Pay attention. Welcome to dressing your age and still looking modern, fresh-faced, innocent and lovely. It’s not fashion-forward or dramatic – it’s just a great dress on a girl with fabulous hair.

SHAILENE WOODLEY at the Los Angeles Film Critics Association Awards // dress by Christopher Kane, shoes by Salvatore Ferragamo

Photo: Alberto E. Rodriguez/Getty

I bet that from up close, this is a beautiful dress. But the shininess makes it photograph horribly. She looks like she’s wearing really, REALLY festive tin foil. And I hate the shoes. And darling, don’t hide your pretty hair!

RASHIDA JONES at the Art of Elysium gala // gown by Peter Som

Photo: Celebutopia

It’s a half-step away from fierce. The problem with the black around her waist is that it focuses your eye on an unflattering spot. It makes her look wider at the hips than she really is, and it’s far too long.

ROONEY MARA at the American Film Institute Awards in Hollywood// dress by Lanvin, shoes by Brian Atwood

Photo: Zimbio

That ruffle might be the stupidest thing I’ve ever seen. Love the skirt, though she’s worn very similar ones before.

CHLOË MORETZ // top and skirt by Burberry Prorsum

Photo: Celebrity-Gossip

The shoes are too much, and the proportions are mega-wrong. And the color of that sweater is just awful on her. I’d love the skirt if it were shorter, but as it stands – no.

CHLOË MORETZ at the AFI Awards in Hollywood // top, skirt and shoes by Versus

Photo: Zimbio

I’m not crazy about the top, but the skirt is beautiful. I’m glad she wore stockings with it, because it is short, and those shoes are adorable, though they don’t really go with the rest of the outfit. I do love the length of the sleeves on that shirt, though.

MIRANDA KERR // gown by Michael Kors

Photo: Juan Rico/FameFlynet

Stomach cut-outs and a slit up to your cooter? No, darling, not even on a Victoria’s Secret model. Scrape off half that makeup too, while you’re at it.

MIRANDA KERR in Hollywood // dress by Georges Chakra, shoes by Christian Louboutin

Photo: Charley Gallay/WireImage

This lady wears way too much makeup for someone who’s already naturally stunning. I don’t particularly like this dress, but she looks hot in it. I just wish she’d chosen a more interesting shoe.

MARION COTILLARD in Paris // dress by Christian Dior

Photo: Zimbio

Marion Cotillard presents “How to Ruin a Fabulous Dior Dress with Terrible, Lackluster Styling.”

JESSICA CHASTAIN at the LAFCA Awards // dress by Vivienne Westwood, shoes by Jimmy Choo

Photo: Celebutopia

Vivienne Westwood is not easy to wear. I love this dress, and the colors are great on her, but the proportions are off and that is just an unnecessary amount of cleavage. The shoes were a bad choice and the hair looks . . . just strange. It’s a shame, because a dress that fit her and better styling could have made her look amazing.

EMMA STONE at the Vanity Fair Golden Globes party // dress by Lanvin

Photo: Zimbio

The colors in that dress are just so dreary, Emma. And matching your makeup to those dreary colors was not the best choice. Also, crimped hair? Not my favorite look on you.

CAMILLA BELLE at the Art of Elysium Gala // gown by Carolina Herrera, purse by Salvatore Ferragamo, shoes by Ralph Lauren

Photo: Celebrity-Gossip

Who do you think you are, a Disney princess? Get out of here with this bullshit. That color is awful and this is so desperately over-designed. And the shoes are tacky.

Photo: Michael Germana/Landov

It’s a shame, because she actually looks kind of lovely from the back, even though the color is still kind of an eyesore.

AMBER HEARD at the Art of Elysium Gala // gown by Donna Karan

Photo: Celebrity-Gossip

That color is awful on her. The gown is far too tight in the bust and hips and, somehow, miles too long at the same time. The “Lindsay Lohan does Marilyn Monroe” hair is atrocious, and the makeup might even be worse.

ELIZABETH OLSEN at W‘s Golden Globes party // dress by Proenza Schouler, purse by Edie Parker

Photo: Zimbio

No. EVERYONE PUT YOUR STERNUMS AND YOUR UNDER-CLEAVAGE AWAY. And I don’t even want to ask what the fuck is going on with your hair, girl.

JAIME KING at the Art of Elysium Gala // gown by Valentino

Photo: Celebrity-Gossip

Does she really expect us to take her seriously, with her Swedish milkmaid braids of platinum blonde hair – with black eyebrows? And does she really think she’s the woman for this Valentino gown? Why don’t you leave this kind of thing to the professionals, sweetie, and go back to your boring little cocktail dresses.

KELLY OSBOURNE at the Art of Elysium Gala

Photo: Jordan Strauss/WireImage

I swear, the hair gets funnier and funnier every time I see it. Now she’s wearing gowns on inside out and backwards to boot? It’s a fucking laugh riot that this woman gets paid to judge other people’s fashion sense. I can’t believe she’s fooled E! into believing she’s some sort of style icon for this long.


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4 responses to The Week in Celebrity Fashion, Part 1

  1. Van

    I so agree with the point about Kelly Osborne hosting the E! Fashion Police show. How can someone with the worst hair color possible and who willingly gives herself jaundice have the audacity to judge anyone else’s fashion sense?

  2. I started laughing so hard when I saw the picture of Jamie King as the worlds most ridiculous milkmaid, and then I laughed even harder (I may have snorted) when I saw Kelly Osbourne and her horrendous look. I applaud those who made that possible. I want to know how, I want to have that power!

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