MICHELLE WILLIAMS // gown by Jason Wu, purse by Judith Leiber, headband by Fred Leighton
A beautiful gown in a classic silhouette, with a little bit of texture, in a stunning color. Some mocked the headband, but it doesn’t bother me. I’d gladly swap it for Charlize’s headband of diamonds from Cartier, though. On television, she looked absolutely perfect in this gown. I would nix the skinny little belt, but it wasn’t nearly as noticeable on TV.
MADONNA // gown by Reem Acra
This was my Pre-Fall 2012 red carpet prediction for Emma Watson, but Madonna proved me quite wrong. Her breasts look like they’re gasping for breath, and I think her obsession with covering her hands has gotten weird lately, but I stand by the fact that this is a gorgeous, dramatic red carpet gown. The cap sleeves, the sort of quilted quality to the skirt – a great choice. It would have been better in a size bigger, though.
NICOLE KIDMAN // gown by Versace, purse by Roger Vivier, shoes by Manolo Blahnik
Definitely my favorite Nicole Kidman look in recent memory. Her hair is absolutely perfect, she looks like she’s aging backwards, and the gown makes her body look uh-MAZE-ing. My only complaints are that I’ve seen this dress a few times before and it’s a little bit over-designed. Minor complaints, because she does look totally amazing.
LAURA DERN // gown by Andrew Gn
You WORK that body-hugging green glittering shit, Laura Dern! Nix the country star hairdo and we’re good to go.
DIANNA AGRON // gown by Giles Deacon
Beautiful and surprising, a refreshing change from Dianna’s usually understated, demure, and downright boring fashion choices. It was also over-designed and not fitted perfectly, but the laser-cut swans on the bodice as seriously fantastic.
AMY POEHLER // gown by Naeem Khan, purse by Judith Leiber
This was my Spring 2012 red carpet prediction for Gwyneth Paltrow. The proportions aren’t terrific on Amy, and good lord this woman needs some color, but it’s still a lovely gown. She could do with more diamonds, but who couldn’t?
TINA FEY // gown and purse by Oscar de la Renta, shoes by Jimmy Choo
The proportions are totally off – the bodice should be much shorter, the skirt should start and end higher – but this color is AMAZING on her. Stick to fabulous, rich hues and ditch the black dresses, Tina! Also, consider a necklace.
KATE WINSLET // gown by Jenny Packham, shoes by Roger Vivier
She looked awesome in it on television, but it’s really similar to a lot of what she’s worn before. I really don’t like it in black and white, and I’m not sold on the placement/proportion of the keyhole.
KRISTEN WIIG // gown by Bill Blass
This is two sizes too big and good lord, woman, wear a color! You’re too gorgeous to look this washed-out and raggedy.
AMBER RILEY // gown by Badgley Mischka
Love the hair. Dress is as boring as it gets, but it flatters her.
DIANE LANE // gown by Reem Acra
Looking fabulous, but not interesting. Can we ban gold and nude from the Oscars?
KATE BECKINSALE // gown by Roberto Cavalli, purse by Salvatore Ferragamo, shoes by Casadei
I swear, she’s worn this gown a hundred times before. It’s exhausting.
MILA KUNIS // gown by Christian Dior
What a disappointing showing from Mila, who has been known to bring out all the stops when the event calls for it. She’s beautiful, but the gown is nothing special. The slicked-back hair isn’t my favorite look on her, but I do dig the earrings.
MAYA RUDOLPH // gown by David Meister
Honey, you can do so much better than this. First of all, if you’re not at home on the red carpet, going full-skirted in a stiff fabric isn’t a great idea. Your body disappears in the rigid dress. The fit in the bodice does her no favors, and the styling is not helping. Also, that shade of lipstick is criminal. Trust me. I’m a law student.
JANE LYNCH // gown by David Meister
She could branch out of halter v-neck gowns with wide waistbands in dark colors. I’d prefer a fabulous suit to this, any day of the week.
JESSICA CHASTAIN // gown by Givenchy
Ohh, honey. This is too small on you, and it’s so very bridal. The belt is horribly unflattering, and the hair is just a little bit weird. The giant pearl earrings look very dated – there’s nothing modern or fashion-forward about this.
JODIE FOSTER // gown by Giorgio Armani
What a fabulous bathmat, Jodie!
LEA MICHELE // gown by Marchesa
My boyfriend looked at this picture and said, “She needs three fewer people around her saying, ‘You’re a STAR!'” And he’s right – nothing but a team full of yes-gays could produce such a disgusting red carpet tragedy. I can’t put it more succinctly than he did, but I’ll propose some captions:
- Lea Michele, starring in a new musical adaptation of Creature of the Black Lagoon, set in coked-out Studio 54 to the music of Diana Ross!
- Lea Michele in the Lifetime original movie Sins of the Flesh, the story of a troubled but good-hearted Vegas stripper whose ends up with a terrifying new sexually transmitted form of leprosy that causes your breasts to grow scales.
- Lea Michele promotes her latest business venture: adhesive illusion netting, made for those who love walking that dangerous line between getting your nipples censored on television by the FCC, and not! Don’t sneeze or laugh or move your muscles or really breathe at all, though, because the cast of Modern Family is nearby and I’m pretty sure it’s illegal for them to see what’s going on here.