MICHELLE WILLIAMS // gown by Valentino, purse by Lanvin, shoes by Roger Vivier
I can’t seem to tire of Valentino gowns, and this look was the perfect match of star and dress. This is classic without being ordinary; the lace underlay and sleeves are so romantic. I like the rouching on her right side and I loved the boxy purse. I also appreciate that she kept the hem a little on the shorter side (most starlets let a few feet of fabric pool around their ankles, and it kills me). All-in-all, a beautiful look. Here’s to something a little bit riskier at the Oscars.
SHAILENE WOODLEY // gown by L’Wren Scott
I am all kinds of in love with this gown. I think the color and print are unique and refreshing and all-around lovely. It fits her like a glove – she looked positively statuesque on the red carpet. The problem? That sad ponytail. Honey, a dress this gorgeous needs much more than that. Hire some pros (or better pros) to do your hair and makeup for the Oscars, please!
OCTAVIA SPENCER // gown by Tadashi Shoji, purse by Judith Leiber, shoes by Stuart Weitzman
I prefer Octavia in bright, bold colors, but she looked elegant and stunning in this beautiful gray gown. The sleeves are the perfect length, and the skirt meets the bodice in a very flattering spot. Love the earrings, girl! Keep things at or above this level of fierceness for the Academy Awards, and I’ll be satisfied.
ARIEL WINTER // dress by Collette Dinnigan, shoes by Miu Miu
A beautiful, delicate, exquisite little dress with a fun and fabulous pair of shoes. These purple-gray-mauve shades actually look fantastic on her. The silhouette is perfect – the proportions and fit are made for her. A girl this young can pull off a braid like that a formal event, but braids were a veritable epidemic at the SAG Awards, as you’ll soon see.
KYRA SEDGWICK // gown by Emilio Pucci
Not the most original gown on earth, but this was Kyra’s way of telling the world, “In case you’ve forgotten… I am ridiculously bangin’.” And I respect that. But those side cut-outs are everywhere lately (you can find a dozen in Rooney Mara’s closet alone), and I don’t love the length.
JULIE BOWEN // gown by Temperley London, purse by Judith Leiber
This color is all kinds of fantastic on her, but there’s no reason to hide her perfect little body in all that droopy fabric around her shoulders and torso. A little less fabric and this would have been near-perfect.
AMBER HEARD // gown by Zac Posen
For those keeping score, this is our second dress involving side cut-outs. This is kind of unreasonably dramatic – Amber Heard, nobody’s really concerned with who you are, and this isn’t really the event to warrant something this severe and intense. And even if the event did warrant it, is so much severity ever really necessary? There’s so many cut-outs, so tight against her skin, and the extreme hair and makeup only make matters worse. But it’s a hell of a lot more statement-making than most of the dresses on the red carpet, so I can’t complain too much.
TINA FEY // gown by Versace, purse by VBH
Simple but beautiful. I love to encourage risk-taking, but Tina’s best when she sticks to something formulaic but not dull. A slightly embellished black gown is a good bet on her, and the styling (which is usually her biggest issue) is surprisingly chic. Simple peep-toe pumps in black, with a silver purse to bring out the embellishment in the bodice, a fabulous bracelet, and beautiful earrings.
NATALIE PORTMAN // gown by Giambattista Valli, purse by Judith Leiber, shoes by Jimmy Choo
Let’s start with the topic of the evening: braids. From far away, when those wrapped-around-the-head braids are very neatly executed and on a woman with perfect facial features, they work. But there’s no doubt she’d look more beautiful without them, and most women – even most Hollywood starlets – don’t have the impeccable beauty needed to pull it off.
Next, the dress: Of course she’s stunning in it, but she has worn variations on this gown to a shocking number of high-profile events. Case in point: Natalie at the 2011 Academy Awards, in a purple draped gown with an embellished bust line and purple sandals. And Natalie three months before that, in a purple draped gown with an embellished shoulder and purple sandals. All different gowns, all different designers, but come on. Pairing all of them with purple sandals, too? Natalie, don’t waste your beauty on the same outfit over and over again!
HEATHER MORRIS // gown by Masai Payan, shoes by Giuseppe Zanotti
Braid #3 of the evening, and they seem to be getting less effective on each starlet. The gown looks sort of cheap – a sheer black skirt with a slit over a leather-embellished dress will do that naturally – and those shoes seem a little stripper-tastic too. Dig the earrings and the desire to bring the drama, though.
AMBER RILEY // dress by Badgley Mischka, purse by Cesare Paciotti
A fantastic cut for her, but it needs to be an inch shorter and that giant fucking bow needs to not exist.
VIOLA DAVIS // gown by Marchesa, purse by Judith Leiber
She looked beautiful, but this was a little forgettable. A white Grecian gown with gold embellishments and matching accessories doesn’t exactly get my pulse racing.
MELISSA MCCARTHY // gown by Badgley Mischka
I loved this gown on her, and her hair and makeup looked fabulous on television (though not quite as much here). But I’d have loved a pop of a more interesting accessory to go with the relatively simple gown.
LEA MICHELE // gown by Versace, purse by Fendi, shoes by Casadei
Lea, I don’t think I can impress upon you how much I do not want to see your vagina, but I fear we’re about one light breeze away from catching a glimpse of your Glee-spot.
BUSY PHILLIPPS // dress by Katie Nehra
Somebody needs to tell Busy that she is not a Rastafarian minister officiating the wedding of two vegan lesbians in San Francisco. This is the SAG Awards. It may not be the Oscars, but come on. Get your shit together. Oh, and for those keeping count, this is Braid #4.
JANE LYNCH // gown by David Meister
The top is incredibly flattering on her, but I don’t understand why she insists on these giant skirts. And let’s not forget she wore a very similar dress in a very similar color by the same designer just two weeks ago at the Golden Globes. Honey, there is more than one silhouette in the universe that works on you. Two consecutive high-profile events in basically the same David Meister gown? Nuh-uh, honey. Switch it up.
MERYL STREEP // gown by Vivienne Westwood
Oh, Meryl. Your giant belt makes me sad and I don’t understand why all your red carpet wear looks like pajamas, but at least it’s a nice color on you. Ish.
KALEY CUOCO // gown by Romona Keveza, purse by Judith Leiber
This color is virtually hideous, and the fact that anyone takes the SAG Awards seriously enough to wear this kind of gown is a complete fucking joke. And Braid #5 seems to be worse than all the previous braids combined. That doesn’t even look like human hair.
ROSE BYRNE // jumpsuit by Elie Saab, purse by Lena Erziak
Anyone who’s still calling it “risky” and “daring” to wear a jumpsuit on the red carpet has been in a coma for two years. I’m sick of people applauding this like it’s a stroke of genius. Let’s call a spade a spade – those bellbottoms are hideous. Elvis himself would look at this and go, “now that‘s one tacky white jumpsuit.” And the severe bob? I can’t believe she’s still trying to pull that off. Rose, you’re stunning, but that bowl cut doesn’t work on anyone over the age of six.
Stay tuned for Part 2!