I’m a bit late on the Teen Choice Awards coverage, but whatever – it’s not like anything’s happened in Kristen Stewart’s life since then, right? I mean, unless she got caught having an affair with a married father of two young children and Robert Pattinson is currently in the process of moving out of the apartment he and Kristen share together or something . . .
KRISTEN STEWART // jacket and pants by Roberto Cavalli, tee by Fluxus, shoes by Christian Louboutin
Kristen, I know you’ve had a rough week, but you can take comfort in one thing: You were hands-down the best dressed starlet at the Teen Choice Awards. It’s a dubious honor, I’ll admit – it’s not like the competition was particularly heavy – but Kristen proved yet again that she’s infinitely more stylish in a funky blazer and pants than she is in a frou-frou gown. That tuxedo jacket is all kinds of delicious, and she styled it perfectly. The girl can rock leather pants, the Loubs are perfect, and the eye makeup is crazy gorgeous. And let’s be honest, dear readers – who gives a shit about her personal life as long as she dresses well?
MIRANDA COSGROVE // dress by Collette Dinnigan, purse by Judith Leiber, shoes by Stella McCartney
Yes, the general shininess of this look was a little bit overwhelming. But once you get past the fact that you can see your reflection in her dress, it’s actually kind of a killer look. I love the studded platforms with the boxy black and silver clutch; they work incredibly well with the metallic dress. And her hair and makeup look much more fresh and natural than usual.
ZOE SALDANA // top and skirt by Jonathan Saunders, shoes by Christian Louboutin
I like the idea of this better than the execution – the crop top would be adorable if it weren’t quite so boxy, and the bubbly shape of the skirt is kind of unflattering. The shoes don’t really work at all, but Ms. Saldana looked interesting and chic, which is more than can be said for most of her fellow attendees.
LEA MICHELE // dress and shoes by Atelier Versace, purse by Marchesa
The dress is actually gorgeous, if completely expected. But those bridesmaids shoes are killing me. Also, Lea needs to chill out on the spray tan, because her legs are looking mighty terrifying.
LUCY HALE // dress by Wes Gordon, purse by Jimmy Choo, shoes by Brian Atwood
Hate the braid, and I think flat-forms are the work of the devil, but it’s a great little red dress on her. Gold accessories are a little expected, but I’m a sucker for a good boxy clutch.
CARLY RAE JEPSEN // jacket and shorts by Lisa Ho, purse by Kate Spade, shoes by Aldo
I respect a girl who can rock a good jacket-and-shorts suit, and I love the print Carly chose. More colorful accessories would have served her well, and those shoes were a cop-out, but it’s a chic little outfit all the same.
NINA DOBREV // dress by J. Mendel, purse by Kotur, shoes by Jimmy Choo
The bodice is a little too ordinary, but it’s a nice color and the skirt has some interest to it. I just feel that this look reads “sorority girl bridesmaid” more than “Teen Choice Awards,” though maybe that’s a tenuous distinction.
HAYDEN PANETTIERE // dress by Zuhair Murad, purse by Judith Leiber, shoes by Brian Atwood
I love purple – practically all of my favorite things I own are purple – but bitch, THIS IS TOO MUCH PURPLE. The dress itself might have been great, but you destroyed it with that tacky purse and the hideous matching shoes. The fact that they all match the carpet so perfectly makes me think her color scheme was totally intentional, and that’s driving me fucking crazy. Don’t match your outfit to the decor, starlets! It’s beyond tacky.
ZOOEY DESCHANEL // dress by Monique Lhuillier, purse by Jimmy Choo
I’ll tell you why Zooey looks so uncomfortable: she shows up to every red carpet event dressed like a toddler (this was no exception), but at the Teen Choice Awards, she’s actually the oldest woman in the room, and dressed much more immaturely than all the fifteen-year-olds surrounding her. I think she chose those bow-adorned shoes specifically to give me a seizure.
SELENA GOMEZ // dress by Dsquared², shoes by Hervé Léger
No one believes that’s your real hair, Selena. And I understand you’re growing up, but could you possibly do so in a way that avoids painfully boring Barbie dresses, just for my sanity?
TAYLOR SWIFT // dress by Maria Lucia Hohan, purse by Edie Parker, shoes by Prada
Just when I thought Taylor might be getting out of her years-long Disney princess/ballerina style rut, she reverts back to something we’ve seen her in time and time again. If you expect me to anything more than bored out of my mind by Taylor in another nothing-colored girly dress with side cut-outs and nothing-colored peep-toe pumps, you’re in for a disappointment.
JUSTIN BIEBER // shirt by Dolce & Gabbana, pants by Marc by Marc Jacobs
Teenage boys are just the worst.
NIKKI REED // top and skirt by Contrarian New York, purse by Jimmy Choo, shoes by Brian Atwood
I saw better dresses made in a day – and made out of CANDY – on last night’s Project Runway (recap to come!). The execution and fit are terrible, it’s completely style-less, and the accessories could not be worse. The curse of the flat-forms strikes again, dear readers.
VICTORIA JUSTICE // dress by Gomez-Gracia, purse by Lauren Merkin
I hate mullet skirts almost as much as I hate nude pumps, which I hate almost as much as that print and this dress’s God-awful proportions. Dress for the level of celebrity you want to be, random teen star, not the level of celebrity you are, or you’ll never make it past the D-list.
DEMI LOVATO // dress by Falguni & Shane Peacock, shoes by Christian Louboutin
Demi has an addiction to hideous dresses without about three thousand too many design elements. Feathers and beading and glitter and stripes in every direction and studs and leather shoulder-pads – how much more do I need to say before it’s clear that it’s just too much, Demi? And don’t think I’m going to ignore the fact that you wore a nearly-identical Falguni & Shane Peacock dress two months ago,