Welcome, dear readers, to the 2013 Emmy Awards!  

Best Dressed: MICHELLE DOCKERY
gown, purse, and shoes by Prada, jewelry by Fred Leighton

Lady Mary hit the red carpet like a breath of fresh air, with a spectacularly unique gown in perfectly on-trend shades of strawberry and burgundy. The halter neckline is surprising and stunning, and the length of the skirt is flawless. The purse is so perfect, it must have been made just to go with this dress, and the equally bedazzled sandals are equally brilliant. There’s nothing I don’t love about this look. And in true diva fashion, it’s flawless from every angle:

BLAM. Deal with that bow, motherfuckers.

Runner-Up: JULIA LOUIS-DREYFUS
gown by Monique Lhuillier, earrings by Martin Katz, purse by Edie Parker, shoes by Christian Louboutin

This truly exquisite art deco gown was my Resort 2014 red carpet prediction for Kerry Washington. But Julia brings her own elegance to it, with perfect pearl-colored accessories that match the dress in beauty, but don’t distract from it. Honestly, I could just stare at the detailing on this thing for an hour and a half, so we better move on before I get lost.

Honorable Mention: LINDA CARDELLINI
gown by Donna Karan, jewelry by Irene Neuwirth, purse by Rauwolf

By far the biggest surprise of the night was Linda Cardellini (of Freaks and Geeks, and more recently, of scarring-Sally-Draper-for-life fame on Mad Men). It can be dangerous to go for a twists-and-turns, uber-dramatic gown like this one – if it’s not executed perfectly, the dress will wear you. But from color to cut, this Donna Karan number looks like it was made for her. The tassel-esque earrings are statement enough that she doesn’t need much else in the way of styling, not with such a divalicious gown.

ROSE BYRNE
gown by Calvin Klein, jewelry by Tiffany & Co., purse by Jimmy Choo, shoes by Charlotte Olympia

The hair and makeup are just a touch too drag queen for the simplicity of the dress, making her head and body look as if they belong to different people. But overenthusiastic hair and makeup artists aside, this is stunning. I think the neckline and bare midriff are incredibly modern, but at the same time, it’s an incredibly classic, minimalist gown. If she had styled it different, it might have read as too casual for the event, but the jewelry dresses it up just enough.

KATE MARA
gown by J. Mendel, shoes by Charlotte Olympia

I’m not sold on that odd little patch just below her breasts – unless you’re hiding a baby kangaroo, which would be totally awesome, it seems a little unnecessary. But I love the neckline and the different textures and patterns of lace on the sleeves and bodice. The skirt is maybe half an inch too long, but the asymmetrical cut of it is spectacular. But if you’re going to go relatively casual with the hair, add a killer pair of earrings to balance things out.

AARON PAUL and BRYAN CRANSTON
Aaron’s tuxedo by Burberry

So few things make me as happy as pictures of Aaron Paul and Bryan Cranston being BFFs. It actually makes me feel like no matter what emotional hell Breaking Bad will put us all through during the finale, everything will be okay, because in real life, Walt and Jesse are besties. And, like all besties, they sometimes wear matching outfits and it’s super cute. (Okay, I acknowledge the fact that half the men at any given awards show are in matching outfits because tuxedos are kind of a requirement, but still. These guys make me swoon.)

ZOOEY DESCHANEL
gown by J. Mendel, ring by Chanel, purse by Edie Parker

By far the best Zooey Deschanel has looked on the red carpet in months, if not years. I’m not saying this is perfect – would it have killed her to wear her hair up and show off the beautiful neckline of this dress a little more? – but the color matches her eyes beautifully. And it’s a hell of a lot more interesting than most of her black-and-white-and-stockinged looks.

PADMA LAKSHMI
gown by Kaufmanfranco, jewelry by Robert Lee Morris

The dress has a modern vibe that I’m digging, but that jewelry is just crazy distracting. The oversized earrings and cuff – they tend to look cheap, when I’m sure they were anything but. But those gold colors glow so brightly against the ice blue shade of the gown that it’s hard for the jewelry to look like part of the whole ensemble, rather than something that’s fighting with the look.

AUBREY PLAZA
gown by Marios Schwab, jewelry by Neil Lane, purse by JustFab

I think I’ll meet some disagreement here, but I was pleasantly surprised with this look. I don’t love the nipple-less boob effect it creates, but other than that, I think the fit is flawless and the gown is something I haven’t seen a thousand times before. The detailing on the neckline and sleeves are really what sold me on this look; they bring a delicate femininity to an otherwise hard look. Once she hires a hair stylist who knows what he’s doing, she’ll be ready for the best dressed lists.

JANE KRAKOWSKI
gown by Zac Posen, purse by Judith Leiber

It doesn’t photograph well from every angle, but from this view, Jane Krakowski killed it. I’m never a big fan of teal jewelry at black-tie events – I just find that it never looks formal enough, at least in photos – but the detailing on this dress keeps it interesting. And the hair is incredibly chic.

KALEY CUOCO
gown by Vera Wang, purse by Jimmy Choo, jewelry by Neil Lane

This girl still cannot seem to find a hair and makeup artist who don’t hate her, but this is by far the best dress she’s ever worn. That shade of scarlet is divine on her, the corseted bodice is supremely flattering, and the skirt is so delicately beautiful. A few less bracelets would actually make this look a little more formal and event-appropriate, but compared to Kaley’s usual red carpet wear, this is a home run.

LAURA DERN
gown by Naeem Khan, earrings by Lorraine Schwartz, shoes by Jimmy Choo

The gown is obviously beautiful, but a dress like this needs to really fit perfectly or it just looks off. And she needed to do something in the way of styling – she looks a little naked in comparison to the very attention-grabbing dress.

EDIE FALCO
gown by Escada

The color is fantastic, and Edie made me cry my fucking face off during her eulogy for James Gandolfini. I love the fit at the neckline and shoulders, but somewhere around her waist, the silhouette becomes slightly more problematic. And I think the jewelry is kind of terrible.

TAYLOR SCHILLING
gown by Thakoon, cuff by Neil Lane, purse by Amanda Pearl, shoes by Stuart Weitzman

The Orange is the New Black star looked supremely thrilled to be at her first Emmys, which was endearing and adorable. Her white halter gown was a good idea,  but the fact that it’s at least a size too big stops her from looking as fabulous as she should. I also think the gold accessories tend to cheapen the look rather than enhance it. But for an Emmys first-timer, this is pretty damn great.

JESSICA PARÉ
gown and shoes by Oscar de la Renta, jewelry by FD Gallery

The color is absolutely spectacular, but my compliments end there. That bust is a mess, and those shoes were a terrible idea. Not quite as bad an idea as stopping the world’s longest show six times to talk about dead celebrities, but you know. Up there.

ALYSON HANNIGAN
gown and purse by Marchesa, jewelry by Jay Carlile

Again, the color is perfection, but that’s about it. Alyson’s a petite girl, so a skirt like this completely overwhelms her tiny frame. The accessories don’t work well with each other – the jade-looking earrings or the sapphire-esque ring or the multicolored clutch might have worked, but they don’t make much sense all together.

LENA HEADLEY
gown by Alessandra Rich, jewelry by Tina Thor, shoes by L.A.M.B.

I don’t want to invoke the wrath of Queen Cersei, because this bitch is all kinds of terrifying, but honey, NO. All these layers make no sense together, and the skirt parts like curtains, calling even more attention to her exposed undies. And the nipple-less boob effect needs to be stopped before it becomes a trend. I like that she took a risk and tried for something different, but this was not a risk worth taking. Oh, and let’s let the Summer of the White Pump die with some dignity, okay? Winter is coming, after all.

EMILY DESCHANEL
gown by Houghton, jewelry by Tiffany & Co., purse by Ashlyn’d, shoes by Aldo

Are you ninety years old? No? Then WHY ARE YOU DRESSED LIKE THIS?!

ANNA FARIS
gown by Monique Lhuillier, jewelry by Fred Leighton, shoes by Jimmy Choo

She’s fucking kidding with that hair, right? Please tell me that’s a wig. Not that I condone wearing a hideous wig to the Emmys; I just want to make sure she didn’t actually, semi-permanently do this to her poor, innocent hair. And I want to ensure that I will not have to look at those Barbie doll locks ever again.

Worst Dressed: VERA FARMIGA
gown by Theyskens’ Theory, jewelry by Fred Leighton, belt and purse by Lanvin, shoes by Christian Louboutin

You know what? Everything about this is terrible. Just go home and start again.

—
© Democracy Diva, 2013.
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