It’s time to put on your fabulous little bitching hats, dear readers. The starlets await your judgment. 

CHARLIZE THERON in Los Angeles
gown by Alexander McQueen, purse by Salvatore Ferragamo

Let’s work from the top-down, because there are just so many beautiful things to discuss that I need to organize my thoughts. The hair: what I wouldn’t give to have the face to pull off that hair. I’d chop my hair off this instant if I thought I had a chance of looking good with that ‘do. The makeup: when people say “sunkissed,” this kind of blush is what they’re talking about. And I love it. The gown: DEAL WITH THOSE SOLID GOLD FEATHERS, BITCHES. What screams “diva” louder than that?

DIANNA AGRON in Berlin
gown by Carolina Herrera, purse by Jimmy Choo, shoes by Rupert Sanderson

This stunning gown was my Resort 2014 red carpet prediction for Camilla Belle. And I’m practically weeping over how flawless Ms. Agron looks in it. It wasn’t so long ago that everything she wore put me to sleep; God bless whomever she brought onto her team to get her gowns like this. The waist-cinching belt and the exaggerated shoulders are particularly lovely details.

DIANNA AGRON in Paris
dress by Valentino, shoes by Louis Vuitton

Killing it, modesty-style. Love the hair.

RITA ORA in Los Angeles
jacket, blouse, skirt, and shoes by Roberto Cavalli

We just saw this stunning Cavalli print on Lucy Liu; I loved it on her, and I love it on Rita. In fact, this is probably my favorite thing Ms. Ora has worn to date. Basic garments in matchy-matchy colors can come off as childish and awkward, but when starlets go head-to-toe in matching wild prints, I tend to love it. Especially when the print in question is as flawless as this one. Even the hair and makeup are working, which is a rarity in Rita’s case.

GWEN STEFANI in Los Angeles
gown by Salvatore Ferragamo

I love the shit out of this fringe. Can you even imagine how much fun it must be to dance in this flapper-goes-to-Hollywood get-up? And that navy metallic color is really surprising and chic.

FREIDA PINTO in Los Angeles
gown by Salvatore Ferragamo

She was born to wear this blush color, and the neckline is truly fantastic. But I think the bottom half of the dress might be a size too big for her.

DITA VON TEESE in Los Angeles
gown by Carolina Herrera

Minka Kelly wore this gown to the Met Gala back in May – I still love the purple lace over the crimson color, and the shoulder embellishments are obviously to die for. I don’t love the placement of the belt, though. And although I know this hair is Dita’s signature look, the detailing on the neck and shoulders of this gown basically require hair to be worn up.

LUPITA NYONG’O in Los Angeles
dress by Miu Miu, purse by Judith Leiber, shoes by Christian Louboutin

I haven’t even seen 12 Years a Slave yet, and I’m already in love with Lupita Nyong’o. Because she can make this Lisa Frank-looking print seem chic and classy, and that takes a very rare woman indeed.

ANNA KENDRICK in London
top and skirt by Alberta Ferretti

Someone finally got Anna Kendrick out of those sparkly nude Zuhair Murad dresses! My sincerest thanks to whomever is responsible for this change. The sheer cut-out over her midriff is kind of bizarre, but the skirt is absolutely perfect. But perhaps a lighter touch with the blush brush wouldn’t have killed her.

ALESSANDRA AMBROSIO in Los Angeles
gown by Salvatore Ferragamo

It’s not actually a particularly flattering cut-out; it’s just that it’s virtually impossible to make Alessandra Ambrosio’s body look anything less than spectacular. I like the draping below the waist, but the droopiness of the bodice just doesn’t quite do it for me.

ROONEY MARA in New York City
dress by Proenza Schouler, shoes by Brian Atwood

I’d love the dress if it weren’t in that no man’s land of not-quite-mid-calf, not-quite-tea-length. But the conjunctivitis eye makeup doesn’t work on anyone, and I swear to you, Rooney Mara has worn those shoes on the red carpet approximately eight BILLION times this year.

CAMILLA BELLE in Los Angeles
gown by Salvatore Ferragamo

Tiered gowns like this always remind me of a cake, which leaves me feeling equal parts hungry and confused. Between the practically lacquered makeup and the shine of the fabric, she sort of looks like a wax figure of herself. But that neckline is positively bodacious. Ten points to Camilla Belle’s boobs.

FLORENCE WELCH in London
cape, blouse, pants, purse, and shoes by Alexander McQueen

Because if you’re Florence Welch, you can just wear a giant frilly collar, drape yourself in black feathers, and throw on a pair of studded clogs (yes – STUDDED CLOGS), and somehow you’re red-carpet-ready. I think she might actually be a unicorn. That is the only plausible explanation for being able to look this good in basically everything.

KATE WINSLET in London
gown by Jenny Packham, purse and shoes by Christian Louboutin

Love the collar and the phenomenal jewelry. But she recently wore almost the exact same gown in navy, so one more strike and she’s out.

SANDRA BULLOCK in London
dress by Stella McCartney, shoes by Charlotte Olympia

I will begrudgingly admit that this is a cute dress, even though I’m predisposed to dislike all things Stella McCartney. But Sandra could have had more fun with the shoes, no?

TAYLOR SWIFT in Nashville
dress by Houghton, shoes by Christian Louboutin

In case you were wondering, Taylor Swift is still wearing the same dress she’s been wearing every day for the last two years.

CAREY MULLIGAN in London
dress and shoes by Christian Dior

I’m all for bright colors on the red carpet, but this yellow is absolutely awful on poor Carey’s skin. I’m not sure the hair color and lipstick are doing her any favors, but this color makes her look sickly.

AMY ADAMS in New York City
dress by Prabal Gurung, shoes by Casadei

I love the color, but unless you’re the trophy wife of a sleazy politician, there’s really no place to wear this look.

AMY ADAMS in Los Angeles
dress by Elie Saab, shoes by Salvatore Ferragamo

Amy Adams proves that even with the world’s sparkliest blue eyes, you can’t get away with matching your blue satin shoes to your blue sparkly dress. Unless you’re a bridesmaid.

JENNIFER GARNER in Los Angeles
gown by Vionnet

BE LESS BORING.

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© Democracy Diva, 2013.
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