Get in, losers. We’re going to Cannes.

CATE BLANCHETT
gown by Valentino

God bless Cate Blanchett. I can always count on her to bring the drama and glamour and elegance and grace and all-around divalicious delectability. Everything about this is beautiful.

NICOLE KIDMAN
gown by Armani Privé

Nicole Kidman showed off some tremendous fashion chops at last year’s Cannes Film Festival, so I had high expectations for this year’s looks. This diva did not disappoint – I could stare at this gown forever and still find more things to love about it. The color, the texture, the embellishments – this looks like what Daenerys Targaryen should wear to her coronation ceremony when she finally wins the Iron Throne. And there is no higher compliment in the Seven Kingdoms than that.

NICOLE KIDMAN
dress by Altuzarra, shoes by Elie Saab

The perfect daytime look for Cannes. Little white dresses look best in the French Riviera. That’s just one of the universe’s great mysteries.

BLAKE LIVELY
gown by Gucci Première, shoes by Casadei

Stunning gown in a perfect color. The shoes are gorgeous, but I don’t actually love them with this look. They pull focus from the rest of the outfit.

BLAKE LIVELY
dress by Chanel, shoes by Sophia Webster

I don’t know what the hell she’s wearing in this picture or why, but it confirms my suspicion that Blake Lively is actually a Barbie Doll. Not just because it’s almost anatomically impossible to have tits that big with a waist that teensy, but also because she’s actually capable of looking good in an outfit this awful.

GONG LI
gown by Roberto Cavalli

I’m obsessed with this gown. Also, this woman is FORTY-EIGHT YEARS OLD. I am 100% certain she is a vampire. A really fucking fabulous vampire.

AUDREY TAUTOU
gown by Prada

I love this dress. It’s a much-needed reminder that Miuccia Prada makes some truly great fashion when she puts down the hot glue gun she abused for the Met Gala. Love the minimalist styling, which lets the insane, fantastic print do all the heavy lifting.

PAZ VEGA
dress by Elie Saab, shoes by Christian Louboutin

Nude pumps on the red carpet make me sad – you have access to so many more interesting pairs of shoes than these, Paz! – but everything else about this is excellent. Those earrings are other-worldly gorgeous.

PAZ VEGA
dress by Zuhair Murad, shoes by Christian Louboutin

The shoulders are a little awkward, and the shoes don’t really work at all, but it’s a great little dress. I kind of want Selina Meyer to wear in on Veep.

JANE FONDA
gown by Elie Saab, purse by Gucci

WORK IT, GIRL. 76 years old and still looking glam as all hell in Elie Saab couture.

ZOE SALDANA
gown by Victoria Beckham

It’s cool – I dig the chain-link belt and the draping of the skirt – but all that madness happening on the bodice is a little silly. And not particularly flattering.

ZOE SALDANA
gown by Jason Wu

Maybe I’d have a chance of liking this gown if it even came close to fitting her, and if she lost that scarf thing. But as is, this is unimpressive. I expect a lot more from Zoe Saldana, particularly at Cannes.

AMERICA FERRERA 
dress by Erdem, shoes by Stuart Weitzman

I need this dress in my closet immediately. Also, hey there, Jay Baruchel. I see you.

LIYA KEDEBE
dress by Roberto Cavalli, shoes by Jimmy Choo

It’s not genetically possible for model Liya Kedebe to look anything other than awesome. This dress is sort of strangely cut, but she wears it pretty damn well.

KENDALL JENNER
dress by Chanel, shoes by Stuart Weitzman

As a rule, I don’t cover the Kardashians on my blog (with the sole exception of Kim at the Met Gala). They get enough unwarranted attention without my help. But since Kendall here is actually a successful runway model now, I don’t really have a problem with her existence on the red carpet. Better to send her to Cannes than Kim, anyway. And though this dress is problematic, it’s got more interest and personality than anything anyone in her family has ever worn. It’s not perfect, but it’s a start.

JULIANNE MOORE
gown, purse, and belt by Louis Vuitton

The hair is flawless, but the rest of this looks disjointed and kind of randomly thrown together. I’m all for surprises on the red carpet, but this just looks like it’s gone askew.

ZHANG ZIYI
gown by Stéphane Rolland

Phenomenal bodice, absurd sleeves, truly fucking stupid skirt. Zhang Ziyi is one of my favorite fashionistas on the planet, but this dress is insane, and not in a good way.

ADÈLE EXARCHOPOULOS
gown and purse by Louis Vuitton

Adèle always looks like she’s showing up to the red carpet after a three-day bender, with her hair half-done and her dress on backwards. This is actually about as pulled-together as she gets, and it’s still a bit of a mess.

SOFIA COPPOLA
dress by Valentino, purse by Louis Vuitton, shoes by Céline

Be less boring.

KARLIE KLOSS
gown by Valentino

Whoever did this to Karlie Kloss should be imprisoned immediately, for the safety of all of us.

—
© Democracy Diva, 2014.
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