SARAH JESSICA PARKER
gown by Oscar de la Renta
I know I ranted about the stars who didn’t take the theme seriously enough, but taking it too seriously might be even worse. The Charles James-ian dress on its own started as a good idea, but once she piled on the full-length gloves (way too white for the dress), the jewelry on TOP of the gloves (never a good idea), the dead animal on top of her head, AND the flowers peeking out, things got unbearably costumey. And I couldn’t even enjoy the back of the look, which should have been appropriately dramatic, because Oscar de la Renta couldn’t resist a free advertising opportunity:
Really? A signature? Was that really necessary? It just seems so unreasonably pretentious to me. And that’s saying something, since there’s pretty much nothing more pretentious than a $25,000 per person white tie gala at the Metropolitan Museum of Art.
gown by Donna Karan, boots by Casadei
The train is absolutely out of control. The shoes are hideous, but I could have appreciated them if she hadn’t also wrapped a bunch of stupid shit around her arm.
coat and jumpsuit by Givenchy
I hope that hat had to buy its own $25,000 ticket. It certainly takes up more room than Lea Michele. (Also, this coat is amazing, but I couldn’t exactly put that hat on the “Best Dressed” list, nor could I relegate Erykah to the “Basic Bitches” post. So, the hat deserves its place here, but Erykah is here by default.)
top and pants by Prada
I would have found it interesting and exciting and a different event, but this just felt inappropriate and awkward here.
dress and purse by Prada
Miuccia Prada is responsible for approximately half the dresses on this list. And I love me some Prada, but she was off her fucking rocker with some of these get-ups. Sarah Paulson is covered in stupid little embellishments, but this is practically subtle compared some of Miuccia’s other victims.
gown by Chanel
This is from the Chanel-meets-Dallas collection, which Karl Lagerfeld clearly came up with in some kind of altered state of consciousness. This is an embarrassment to cowboys and French people alike.
gown by Givenchy
That’s got to be some of the most awkward appliqué work in history. These embellishments are giving her a hairy white necklace, octopus legs on her thighs, and a missing pelvis.
gown by Altuzarra
This doesn’t even come close to fitting her. And that necklace is an eyesore.
gown by Rodarte
We get it. You’re “alternative.” Now go put a real outfit on.
gown by Jason Wu, gloves by Carolina Amato, purse by Lee Savage
Black gloves with a navy blue gown might be the worst decision Dakota has ever made. And she’s in the Fifty Shades movie, so that’s really saying something.
gown by Altuzarra, purse by Kotur, shoes by Christian Louboutin
Lea’s gown clearly got run over by a tractor-trailer on the way to the Met Gala, so let’s just all be relieved that she’s okay.
dress and shoes by Proenza Schouler
Most awkward cut-out of all time.
dress by 3.1 Phillip Lim, purse by Anya Hindmarch, shoes by Stuart Weitzman
Love the color; hate literally everything else. Even Solange can’t make this crazy shit work.
gown by Kenzo
DO YOUR HAIR, YOU FUCKING HIPSTER.
gown by Marc Jacobs
Majorly unflattering. All those stripes and swirls are making me dizzy.
dress by Marc Jacobs, purse by Louis Vuitton, shoes by Céline
Painfully boring and weirdly matronly.
dress by Prada
More stupid over-embellished Prada bullshit. That bra-under-halter situation is really quite horrific.
top, skirt, purse, and shoes by Prada
Poor Gabrielle Union. I have a feeling she did not asked to be dressed in whatever Miuccia Prada found in her junk drawer. Seriously, this shit is getting out of control.
dress by Miu Miu
Well, now I understand why her sisters didn’t pose with her – they didn’t want their awesome outfits to be infected by all this hideousness. Let’s start with the dress, which was stolen off the back of an Olympic ice skater who didn’t medal. And look how the sleeves latch onto her middle fingers – it’s absolutely insane. Even if this dress weren’t hideous and awkward, it would still be completely inappropriate for the event. Then she added the mismatched and just plain bizarre accessories. I don’t know who is responsible for this, but they should probably be exiled from Hollywood.
gown by Marchesa
About as awful as you’d expect Katie Holmes to dress. So, very.
gown by Prada
I know Lupita’s impeccable style streak couldn’t last forever, but I truly never expected to see her in something this downright ugly. It’s almost encouraging to know that even the universe’s most beautiful human specimen can look like a complete fucking idiot sometimes. Particularly when someone dresses her up like a drag queen Creature from the Black Lagoon.