We’ve discussed couples and models; the basic bitches, and the best dressed. But the Met Gala isn’t officially over until we’ve trashed the event’s most terrible styles.

SARAH JESSICA PARKER
gown by Oscar de la Renta

I know I ranted about the stars who didn’t take the theme seriously enough, but taking it too seriously might be even worse. The Charles James-ian dress on its own started as a good idea, but once she piled on the full-length gloves (way too white for the dress), the jewelry on TOP of the gloves (never a good idea), the dead animal on top of her head, AND the flowers peeking out, things got unbearably costumey. And I couldn’t even enjoy the back of the look, which should have been appropriately dramatic, because Oscar de la Renta couldn’t resist a free advertising opportunity:

Really? A signature? Was that really necessary? It just seems so unreasonably pretentious to me. And that’s saying something, since there’s pretty much nothing more pretentious than a $25,000 per person white tie gala at the Metropolitan Museum of Art.

RITA ORA
gown by Donna Karan, boots by Casadei

The train is absolutely out of control. The shoes are hideous, but I could have appreciated them if she hadn’t also wrapped a bunch of stupid shit around her arm.

ERYKAH BADU
coat and jumpsuit by Givenchy

I hope that hat had to buy its own $25,000 ticket. It certainly takes up more room than Lea Michele. (Also, this coat is amazing, but I couldn’t exactly put that hat on the “Best Dressed” list, nor could I relegate Erykah to the “Basic Bitches” post. So, the hat deserves its place here, but Erykah is here by default.)

BRIE LARSON
top and pants by Prada

I would have found it interesting and exciting and a different event, but this just felt inappropriate and awkward here.

SARAH PAULSON
dress and purse by Prada

Miuccia Prada is responsible for approximately half the dresses on this list. And I love me some Prada, but she was off her fucking rocker with some of these get-ups. Sarah Paulson is covered in stupid little embellishments, but this is practically subtle compared some of Miuccia’s other victims.

CHLOË MORETZ
gown by Chanel

This is from the Chanel-meets-Dallas collection, which Karl Lagerfeld clearly came up with in some kind of altered state of consciousness. This is an embarrassment to cowboys and French people alike.

NAOMI WATTS
gown by Givenchy

That’s got to be some of the most awkward appliqué work in history. These embellishments are giving her a hairy white necklace, octopus legs on her thighs, and a missing pelvis.

MICHELLE MONAGHAN
gown by Altuzarra

This doesn’t even come close to fitting her. And that necklace is an eyesore.

SHAILENE WOODLEY
gown by Rodarte

We get it. You’re “alternative.” Now go put a real outfit on.

DAKOTA JOHNSON
gown by Jason Wu, gloves by Carolina Amato, purse by Lee Savage

Black gloves with a navy blue gown might be the worst decision Dakota has ever made. And she’s in the Fifty Shades movie, so that’s really saying something.

LEA MICHELE
gown by Altuzarra, purse by Kotur, shoes by Christian Louboutin

Lea’s gown clearly got run over by a tractor-trailer on the way to the Met Gala, so let’s just all be relieved that she’s okay.

IMOGEN POOTS
dress and shoes by Proenza Schouler

Most awkward cut-out of all time.

SOLANGE KNOWLES
dress by 3.1 Phillip Lim, purse by Anya Hindmarch, shoes by Stuart Weitzman

Love the color; hate literally everything else. Even Solange can’t make this crazy shit work.

CHLOË SEVIGNY
gown by Kenzo

DO YOUR HAIR, YOU FUCKING HIPSTER.

AMANDA PEET
gown by Marc Jacobs

Majorly unflattering. All those stripes and swirls are making me dizzy.

SOFIA COPPOLA
dress by Marc Jacobs, purse by Louis Vuitton, shoes by Céline

Painfully boring and weirdly matronly.

MARGOT ROBBIE
dress by Prada

More stupid over-embellished Prada bullshit. That bra-under-halter situation is really quite horrific.

GABRIELLE UNION
top, skirt, purse, and shoes by Prada

Poor Gabrielle Union. I have a feeling she did not asked to be dressed in whatever Miuccia Prada found in her junk drawer. Seriously, this shit is getting out of control.

ELIZABETH OLSEN
dress by Miu Miu

Well, now I understand why her sisters didn’t pose with her – they didn’t want their awesome outfits to be infected by all this hideousness. Let’s start with the dress, which was stolen off the back of an Olympic ice skater who didn’t medal. And look how the sleeves latch onto her middle fingers – it’s absolutely insane. Even if this dress weren’t hideous and awkward, it would still be completely inappropriate for the event. Then she added the mismatched and just plain bizarre accessories. I don’t know who is responsible for this, but they should probably be exiled from Hollywood.

KATIE HOLMES
gown by Marchesa

About as awful as you’d expect Katie Holmes to dress. So, very.

LUPITA NYONG’O
gown by Prada

I know Lupita’s impeccable style streak couldn’t last forever, but I truly never expected to see her in something this downright ugly. It’s almost encouraging to know that even the universe’s most beautiful human specimen can look like a complete fucking idiot sometimes. Particularly when someone dresses her up like a drag queen Creature from the Black Lagoon.

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© Democracy Diva, 2014.
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