KATE MARA in New York City
gown and purse by Jason Wu
Stunning. I’m not usually a fan of short dresses under gowns, but the lace underlay is so subtle and beautiful. And the strawberry color of this gown is absolutely breathtaking. Love the belt, love the purse; add some earrings and it’d be just about perfect.
CATE BLANCHETT in Auckland, New Zealand
gown by Antonio Berardi, shoes by Roger Vivier
This was my Resort 2013 red carpet prediction for Jennifer Lawrence, and I am loving it on Cate. It’s interesting, flattering, and I’m just obsessed with the blouse-like bodice. Love the bracelet, too.
ALEXA CHUNG in London
dress and shoes by Valentino, purse by Anya Hindmarch
Let’s ignore the hair and focus on the dress, which is all kinds of freaking adorable. The mary janes are delish, and the tiny suitcase-looking purse brings a little toughness to an otherwise girly look.
ALEXA CHUNG at the British Fashion Awards
dress by Simone Rocha, purse by Anya Hindmarch, shoes by Nicholas Kirkwood
The dress is fine, but totally underwhelming for a fashion industry event. And the shoes are aggressively hideous.
TAYLOR SWIFT in Sydney
gown by Elie Saab
Love the thick straps and the lace cut-outs, and her hair looks lovely. But I’d love this dress a hundred times more on anyone who isn’t Taylor Swift, just because I’m still desperate to see her in something different.
CARA DELEVIGNE at the British Fashion Awards
dress and shoes by Burberry Prorsum
This British supermodel can rock a micro-mini. I could have done with way more in terms of the styling, but that is one fan-fucking-tastic little party dress.
VICTORIA BECKHAM in London
jacket, top, skirt, and purse by Victoria Beckham, shoes by Manolo Blahnik
The jacket and skirt are absolutely beautiful, but I will never be a fan of those peep-toe booties. They distract from every single look she wears them with; it’s getting exhausting.
ZOE SALDANA in New York City
blazer by L’Agence, top by Lela Rose for Target, pants by Rag & Bone, shoes by Brian Atwood
I love the texture of the jacket, particularly paired with that blouse. But I think the styling is really underwhelming – black pumps and a black clutch for an outfit that’s already entirely black? Live a little, Zoe.
DITA VON TEESE at the British Fashion Awards
gown by Jenny Packham
It’s nothing short of gorgeous, but too many starlets are falling back on old standards instead of giving this bitchy blogger something new to write about, and it’s making me ornery. It’s a beautiful gown and she looks incredible in it, but I’ve seen her in everything Jenny Packham and everything black, long-sleeved, and low cut already.
MARION COTILLARD in New York City
dress by Azzedine Alaïa
Hallelujah – she’s finally not wearing Dior! But it’s still on the boring side while also making me dizzy when I look at the print for too long. Her hair is nearly always a disappointment and I’m really not impressed by the plain round-toed pumps.
BELLA HEATHCOTE in New York City
dress by Roksanda Ilincic, purse by Kotur, shoes by Christian Louboutin
It’s a little too severe, between the eggplant dress and dark lips and slick hair and intense shoes, but I don’t dislike it. The dress doesn’t fit her too well, but it’s still interesting to look at, and I do love the color.
ALLISON WILLIAMS in New York City
gown by Naeem Khan
I thought I knew what a mermaid gown was, but this looks like a gown made from the skin of a mermaid. And that is a crime against nature. But seriously, dear readers, it’s not that there’s anything wrong with this, I just find her unbearably dull on the red carpet and it makes me like everything she wears that much less.
SELENA GOMEZ in New York City
gown by Dolce & Gabbana, purse by Judith Leiber, shoes by Giuseppe Zanotti
You’re not a middle-aged pop star trying to hold onto your youth, Selena, so why are you dressing like one?
KERRY WASHINGTON in Los Angeles
dress by Kate Spade, purse by Nancy Gonzalez, shoes by Roger Vivier
Kerry, I love you, but everything about this is just a little bit off. A polka-dotted dress should not have breast pockets, and I have a feeling this does. If not, the bust just hangs incredibly weirdly, and the sleeves are too short. The clutch is kind of cheap-looking, and the shoes don’t go with the purse or the dress.
CATHERINE, DUCHESS OF CAMBRIDGE in London
dress by Mulberry, shoes by Jimmy Choo
Duchess, I don’t know how to say this politely, so I’ll just say it: your new hair ages you by about ten years and makes you look like a third-grade teacher. It’s still bouncy and shiny as ever, because your hair is spun from the threads of the gods, but there was really no reason to do those semi-bangs. And between the draped-and-tapered sleeves and the unreasonably buttoned-up look, this just reads as very dated to me.
KATE BOSWORTH in New York City
dress by Emilio Pucci, purse by Prabal Gurung for Target, shoes by Proenza Schouler
Can we declare peplums officially dead on the red carpet? Also, who on earth would put a seam right down the center of a white skirt in a fabric that shows every pucker?
OLIVIA PALERMO in London
gown by Alessandra Rich, shoes by Manolo Blahnik
Listen, Olivia. The world already has a Sarah Jessica Parker, and that’s more than enough. We don’t need someone far younger dressing in the same awful shit. The necklace is too busy for this gown, which I don’t even like much to start. Add that sad little jacket and those god-awful shoes, and you’re on your way to a hot disaster.
KATY PERRY in New York City
gown by Naeem Khan, jewelry by Lorraine Schwartz
Could she just take it down, like, eleven notches for once? I could like the purple gown, if it didn’t have to be paired with a purple cape, a purple belt, a purple bracelet, a purple purse, AND purple earrings. She passed overkill about three hundred miles ago, dear readers.
SALMA HAYEK at the British Fashion Awards
dress by Stella McCartney, shoes by Giuseppe Zanotti
When will the red carpet universe wake up and agree with me that 95% of Stella McCartney dresses are fucking awful? And I swear, one more pair of round-toed black platform pumps and I’m going to lose my damn mind.
KRISTEN STEWART in Los Angeles
top by A.L.C., pants by Juicy Couture, shoes by Cole Haan
Kristen, your post-Twilight rebellion is adorable; really, it is. And I fully support your right to wear plaid pants, which are awesome, and men’s shoes, though maybe not this particularly ginormous pair. But in the Democracy Diva’s house, women do not wear twenty-year-old tees so sheer they’re practically tissues over black bras. And we certainly do not half-tuck said hideous tees into our plaid pants.