Welcome back to your regularly scheduled red carpet bitch-fest, dear readers.

EDDIE REDMAYNE in Paris
suit by Topman

Our darling Marius kicks things off in a stunning camel suit by Topman. Everything from the color to the fit to the shoes to the pocket square is positively perfect, which is par for the course for Eddie’s fantastic wardrobe. After posing in Paris, Eddie was off to London to give us some more delicious man-candy:

EDDIE REDMAYNE at the London Evening Standard British Film Awards
suit by Tom Ford

It’s sort of hilarious how different he looks in a normal-width tie rather than a super-skinny one, isn’t it? It ages him a few years, but not in a bad way. Anyway, the charcoal gray suit is sharp, if a little sadly wrinkled, and this boy must employ an entire staff solely for shoe-shining, because his kicks are always impeccable.

JENNIFER LAWRENCE at The Hollywood Reporter‘s Nominees Night
dress by Valentino

I like seeing the soft, romantic side of J.Law once in awhile, because this blush floral dress is simply flawless on her. The fit is stunning, her tits look fantastic, the length is perfect, and the colors are surprisingly beautiful on her. I love the sex hair and berry lips, and though the taupe peep-toe platforms are a little overdone, they work well with this look.

JENNIFER LAWRENCE in London
dress by Stella McCartney, shoes by Jimmy Choo

KILLING IT. Simple, but so sexy and chic. The color is perfect, the shoes are hot – what more could you ask for from America’s reluctant, potty-mouthed, bow-and-arrow-slinging sweetheart?

EMMY ROSSUM in Los Angeles
gown by Andrew Gn, jewelry by Harry Winston, shoes by Giuseppe Zanotti

I’m hoping the sickly makeup is just an effect of bad lighting, because everything else about this look is flawless. The silhouette is perfect on her and lengthens her body beautifully; the dark red nails look gorgeous against the black and white gown; the bling is breathtaking.

EMMY ROSSUM in New York City
dress by Christian Dior, purse by Ralph Lauren, shoes by Charlotte Olympia

Adorable. One of those dresses we should all be so lucky to own, because it works on so many body types and skin tones. I’m not sure the cat-eye makeup works too well here, but the earrings are fun and the accessories are chic.

ROONEY MARA at the Berlin Film Festival
top and pants by Balenciaga, shoes by Christian Louboutin

It’s too weird to work on literally anyone else on earth, but when you are a human hipster robot like Rooney Mara, you can get away with the red carpet equivalent of murder. She looks like an incredibly well-dressed, tailored mental patient, but I don’t dislike it because at least it’s something new and interesting on the red carpet. But I’m not sure I can get behind that weird solar panel-looking thing across her stomach. And I don’t think clown makeup was really the best styling choice for this look.

ZOE SALDANA at the Oscars’ Scientific & Technical Awards
dress by Alexander McQueen, shoes by Christian Louboutin

The dress is perfect on her – Zoe always looks best in a modern, weird spin on a red carpet classic – but the hair is a real disappointment.

NAOMI WATTS in Hollywood
gown by Zac Posen

The gown is gorgeous, but it could have used a lot more in terms of styling. I don’t think the modern silver jewelry works well, nor do the pedestrian hair and makeup.

JESSICA CHASTAIN at the Oscar nominees luncheon
dress by Erdem, shoes by Christian Louboutin

It’s a very pretty dress, but she’s worn very similar looks before, and the styling is about as unimaginative as you can get. Her refusal to ever carry a clutch means her looks are almost always under-styled, but with no discernible jewelry, boring nude pumps, and makeup that matches the dress exactly, this is almost painfully dull.

COBIE SMULDERS in Los Angeles
jumpsuit by Yves Saint Laurent, purse by Perrin Paris, shoes by Tom Ford

The purse is kind of stupid, but I think the rest of the outfit is fabulous and sexy. The hair ages her by at least a decade, though.

KATE HUDSON at the Elle Style Awards
gown and purse by Stella McCartney

A beautifully fit dress, ruined by some of the worst hair and makeup I’ve seen in a long time. I know awards season must be just terribly exhausting, being chauffeured around town in outfits that cost more than my rent for a year, but let’s at least make an attempt to look polished, okay?

CHLOË MORETZ at the Elle Style Awards
dress by Stella McCartney, shoes by Christian Louboutin

I think I would love this if it were sleeveless, but those ridiculously tight two-tone sleeves are unflattering and look terribly uncomfortable. And aside from the shoes, Ms. Moretz seems to have contracted the clearly contagious terrible hair/makeup pandemic sweeping the red carpet this week. Seriously, did all the hair and makeup artists in Hollywood, New York, and London go on strike this week? What is everybody’s deal?

CHARLIZE THERON at the Berlin Film Festival
gown and purse by Gucci, shoes by Jimmy Choo

She looks like a drag impersonator of an old Hollywood star.

KATY PERRY in Los Angeles
gown by Alexander McQueen, shoes by Giuseppe Zanotti

It’s a beautiful gown, but it looked infinitely better on Emily Blunt when she wore it last November. The fit is all off around her hips and waist, and the orange color is only okay on Katy.

ANNE HATHAWAY at the Berlin Film Festival
dress by Chanel, shoes by Casadei

A mullet dress that got caught in a paper shredder with black stockings and bridesmaids’ shoes? She’s kidding, right?

ANNE HATHAWAY in Paris
gown by Prada, shoes by Giuseppe Zanotti

I really wanted to like this, because I found the color and the embellishment at the top so lovely, but this is so terribly shapeless on her and the fabric looks like it was beat with giant boulders before it made it to Anne’s closet. The darts coming down from the bust could not look worse, the double-hemline on the bottom looks accidentally unfinished, and the loose-hanging fit is just awful.

AMANDA SEYFRIED at the Berlin Film Festival
gown by Elie Saab, shoes by Alexandre Birman

It’s about two sizes too big, and these stuffy, old-fashioned looks do nothing for her.

AMANDA SEYFRIED at the Berlin Film Festival
dress by Nina Ricci, shoes by Rupert Sanderson

And this one adds about six inches to the size of her waist and hips. Why, Amanda? Why would you choose this unflattering hairy disco ball of a dress? Even your adorable strappy sandals can’t save you now, Cosette.

SOLANGE KNOWLES in Los Angeles
jacket and pants by Diane von Furstenberg, purse by Jimmy Choo

Fix the awkward length of the pants, unbutton at least two buttons of the blouse, lose the random clutch, and scrape off that hideously terrifying lipstick, and maybe we can talk.

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© Democracy Diva, 2013.
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