Met Gala 2015: The Basic Bitches

I mean, you knew this post was coming, right?

HANNAH BAGSHAWE and EDDIE REDMAYNE
Hannah’s gown and Eddie’s tux by Valentino

Photo: Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty

These two actually look really lovely, but they weren’t quite excellent enough for the Best Dressed post. So, sorry, Hannah and Eddie, but I guess that makes you basic. Better luck next year.

KATE HUDSON
gown by Michael Kors, purse by Edie Parker, shoes by Charlotte Olympia

Photo: Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty

Ill-fitting lace and a messy bun? Yup, you’re basic. (And I should know. I LIVE in a messy bun.)

JAIME KING
gown by Jason Wu

Photo: Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty

This isn’t the premiere of your shitty sci-fi movie, Jaime. The Met Gala actually MATTERS. Act accordingly.

UMA THURMAN
gown by Atelier Versace, shoes by Alexandre Birman

Photo: Francis Specker/Landov

I’m fairly certain Uma Thurman hasn’t stopped wearing this dress since the Pulp Fiction premiere. I like the cut, and the jade earrings, but WHATEVER WHO CARES I’M BORED. Also, that nest on top of her head is problematic.

EMMA ROBERTS
gown by Ralph Lauren, purse by Edie Parker

Photo: David Fisher/Rex

I hate those sliced-open sleeves. I think they’re hideously unflattering on just about everyone. And I also think Emma just needs to deal with her roots and go brunette already. I have never once looked at that head of hair and thought, “Yes. That’s how things should look.”

HAILEE STEINFELD
gown by Michael Kors, purse by Edie Parker

Photo: Rex

YOU ARE SO MUCH BETTER THAN THIS, HAILEE. I’m very happy that you’ve had such a wonderful time at your Bat Mitzvah, but you’re going to have to put in a lot more effort than this if you want to play with the big girls.

GABRIELLE UNION
gown by Zac Posen, purse by Charlotte Olympia

Photo: Larry Busacca/Getty

Cute fan purse, awesome cocktail rings, but no accessory is powerful enough to bring this dress up to Met Gala standards.

OLIVIA MUNN
gown by J. Mendel

Photo: Francis Specker/Landov

Does everyone in Hollywood have super-sweaty shoulders? What is the meaning of this trend?!

RACHEL WEISZ
gown by Chanel, shoes by Bally

Photo: Larry Busacca/Getty

Too much makeup. Not enough anything else.

JESSICA ALBA
gown, purse, and shoes by Kenzo

Photo: Gilbert Flores/Broadimage

Congratulations, Jessica! Your flat-forms have qualified you for the position of Senior Undersecretary of Basic Bitchiness. You must be very proud.

ALLISON WILLIAMS
gown by Giambattista Valli

Photo: Rex

Oh, wonderful. Now Lena Dunham’s drunk-preschooler style is rubbing off on the rest of the Girls cast. That’s definitely what my life needed more of – giant puffy skirts and precious doll-like blush on grown-ass women.

CHRISSY TEIGEN and JOHN LEGEND
Chrissy’s gown by St. John, purse by Judith Leiber
John’s tuxedo by Gucci

Photo: Larry Busacca/Getty

Nope. Try harder.

REESE WITHERSPOON
gown by Jason Wu

Photo: Rex

BAD REESE. BAD. Bad hair, worse makeup, awful shoes, and I can’t even bring myself to care about a gown as basic as this one.

SOFIA VERGARA
gown by Marchesa

Photo: Larry Busacca/Getty

I can’t. I just can’t.


© Democracy Diva, 2015.
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