The Week in Celebrity Fashion, Part 1

The red carpets were on fire this week, from movie premieres to fashion industry events. Get on your bitch pants and… 

let’s start judging.

Red Carpet Predictions: Spring 2011

Get ready, dear readers, because it’s time to play stylist to the stars! I’m taking the most glitzy-glamorous, red carpet-worthy gowns from ALL the Spring 2011 runway collections – NEW YORK to LONDON to MILAN to PARIS – and I’ll be deciding which of your favorite celebs will be wearing them out on the town. Let’s have some fun!

ANGELINA JOLIE will wear…

Oscar de la Renta Spring 2011

ANNA KENDRICK will wear…

Commuun Spring 2011

ANNE HATHAWAY will wear…

Elie Saab Spring 2011

BLAKE LIVELY will wear…

Monique Lhuillier Spring 2011

CAREY MULLIGAN will wear…

Carmen Marc Valvo Spring 2011

CHLOE SEVIGNY will wear…

Viktor & Rolf Spring 2011

CHRISTINA HENDRICKS will wear…

Christian Siriano Spring 2011

DAKOTA FANNING will wear…

Julien MacDonald Spring 2011

DIANE KRUGER will wear…

Wes Gordon Spring 2011

ELIZABETH BANKS will wear…

Elie Saab Spring 2011

EMMA WATSON will wear…

Versace Spring 2011

FREIDA PINTO will wear…

Gucci Spring 2011

HEIDI KLUM will wear…

Dolce & Gabbana Spring 2011

JANUARY JONES will wear…

Valetin Yudashkin Spring 2011

JENNIFER ANISTON will wear…

A. F. Vandevorst Spring 2011

JESSICA BIEL will wear…

Emanuel Ungaro Spring 2011

KATY PERRY will wear…

Manish Arora Spring 2011

KIM KARDASHIAN will wear…

Gianfranco Ferré Spring 2011

KRISTEN STEWART will wear…

Matthew Williamson Spring 2011

KRISTIN CHENOWETH will wear…

Collette Dinnigan Spring 2011

LADY GAGA will wear…

Manish Arora Spring 2011

and GAGA will wear…

Maison Martin Margiela Spring 2011

and of course, GAGA will wear…

Viktor & Rolf Spring 2011

Vikto & Rolf Spring 2011

LEA MICHELE will wear…

Monique Lhuillier Spring 2011

LEIGHTON MEESTER will wear…

Chapurin Spring 2011

MADONNA will wear…

Oscar de la Renta Spring 2011

MARION COTILLARD will wear…

Carlos Miele Spring 2011

MICHELLE WILLIAMS will wear…

Alexis Mabille Spring 2011

MILEY CYRUS will wear…

Vivienne Westwood Spring 2011

RACHEL BILSON will wear…

Cacharel Spring 2011

RIHANNA will wear…

Gareth Pugh Spring 2011

SARAH JESSICA PARKER will wear…

Jason Wu Spring 2011

SCARLETT JOHANSSON will wear…

Chloé Spring 2011

SELENA GOMEZ will wear…

Victoria Beckham Spring 2011

TAYLOR MOMSEN will wear…

Chanel Spring 2011

TAYLOR SWIFT will wear…

Tibi Spring 2011

ZOE SALDANA will wear…

Oscar de la Renta Spring 2011

And with that, your Spring 2011 posts are complete!

Weekly Fashion Recap

This Diva starts law school tomorrow, so your weekly fashion recap (soon-to-be a ‘whenever I’m not briefing cases’ fashion recap) is a tad early this week. Enjoy some fabulous!

Best Nobody

Marcel Ames, Saks fashion consultant

Now this is menswear done right. The jacket fits him like a dream, the color of the suit is perfect, and those shoes are amazing. Also, this is exactly what a fashion consultant should wear to a hipster party in Brooklyn. So kudos to Marcel for living up to his profession.

Aging Ungracefully

Pamela Anderson

An ill-fitting jumper that looks like the cover-ups they give you when you get your haircut, boots that look like they’re made of plastic, hair that has been tortured, peroxided, tousled and fried to death, and skin that appears to be melting off her face. Pam Anderson, get your life together.

Worst Starlet We Love

Anna Kendrick in Elise Overland

I love me some Anna Kendrick, but this is a hot disaster. The colors and fabrics are just sad and drab; the rouching just gives an overall effect of droopiness. And the proportions are all wrong, from the shoulder pieces to the length. The fabric curving out at her hips is totally unflattering, and the shoes were a rookie mistake. And that’s not a hairstyle, that’s what you do when only half your hair is blow-dried and you’re running around your apartment like a maniac looking for your eyeliner. She just looks rigid and uncomfortable, which is the worst fashion crime of them all.

Celebrities Finally Updating their Styles

Rachel Zoe

Celebrity stylist/reality TV icon Rachel Zoe has the skills to make other women look fabulous, but I generally dislike the way she looks. She always wears her hair the same way (down and wavy), and she tends to choose flimsy little dresses that emphasize how deathly thin she is. But Rachel’s finally broken out of her bubble, and she looks absolutely amazing. This hairstyle is much more flattering to her face and makes her look younger than ever. And when you cover her up with enough material, you can forget how badly she needs to eat a sandwich and just appreciate her beauty. Plus, every part of this ensemble is absolutely perfect, from shoulders to sleeves and purse to shoes. I’m loving her new look and I hope she keeps it, because it. Is. Bananas.

Jennifer Aniston in Dolce & Gabbana

I think Jennifer Aniston is one of the most boring people alive. And if I see one more photo of her in a Grecian dress with her stick-straight hair down, I’m going to have a conniption. So you can imagine my relief when, like Rachel Zoe, Jen finally put her hair up and changed up her look. This dress is killer. Fits her like a dream, and it’s so much more structured and tailored than what she usually wears. The fringe at the bottom is great, like a subtle nod to the 1920s flappers, and the Gucci peep-toe slingbacks are beyond beautiful. This is the first time I’ve liked Jen’s look in years, but somehow I’m sure she’ll go back to disappointing me next week.

The Worst and Worst of Julia Roberts

Julia Roberts in Dries Van Noten

Jesus. This is about as matronly as it gets. I mean, I’m glad she’s not most 40-something Hollywood women running around in dresses more suitable for Miley Cyrus, but just because you’re not dressing like a teenager doesn’t mean you have to dress like the mother of the bride. The long sleeves, the high neck, the big tacky florals, and the god-awful kelly green shoes – none of it is working for me, Julia.

Julia Roberts

Oh, Lord. Not only is this matronly, it’s like trashy Boca Raton resort matronly. This looks like something a golddigging fifty-something wannabe cougar wears while shopping for horrifically tiny bikinis. But at least the shoes are cute.

The Creative Arts Emmys

Christina Hendricks in Christian Siriano

Christina Hendricks

I only like this dress from certain angles, because this baby has a LOT going on, but I think it’s a huge victory for Christina and Christian. Mad Men‘s Joan looks more beautiful than ever, with absolutely flawless hair and makeup. And let’s applaud Christian Siriano for actually knowing how to make a dress for a woman with tits! Her bust has never  looked better. From the waist up, the dress is flawless, but I don’t think the skirt needs quite so many layers. It’s a lot of look, but Hendricks is a lot of woman, and I’m loving the drama of it all.

David Burtka and Neil Patrick Harris

First of all, my most heartfelt congratulations to David and NPH, who are going to be parents to TWINS! And that’s not the only double bundle of joy in their lives – Neil won two Creative Arts Emmys last night! One for his guest appearance on Glee, and one for hosting the TONY awards. No couple is more deserving of such happiness, and not just because they look so fucking delicious here. I like that David went just a tad more casual and Neil went a tad more formal. They look absolutely perfect.

The Week in Fashion

Best of the Runway

 

Though no one above a size zero could really wear a dress with that tummy cutout in the middle, this dress is magnificent. I’d be shocked if we didn’t see this on the red carpet this season. My only hope is that stars brave it out and wear this dress exactly as its shown, instead of editing it down to something more boring. But this was the best piece in a pretty stellar collection by Versace.

Best and Worst

 

I was beyond relieved to see SJP step out in this gorgeous Lanvin frock. She used to be one of my favorite stars to watch on the red carpet, but in recent years, she seems to have made the conscious decision to stop aging gracefully and dress like a tween star. Thankfully, she resisted that urge, and wore something sexy, eye-catching, and age appropriate. Last week, I had a cab driver tell me I looked like Sarah Jessica Parker – maybe I can actually take that as a compliment?

Sarah Jessica Parker in Marchesa

Nope, it was definitely an insult to be told I look like this lady. And if it wasn’t, I’m certainly insulted now just by looking at this photo. I honestly believe that you would have to be 1/3 of SJP’s age to pull this off. And it’s not because it’s too sexy or revealing, because I think ladies of a certain age should still be able to sex it up. It’s just incredibly immature and clearly designed for a 16-year-old model to wear. Precious as this dress is, it looks completely insane on a 50+ woman. (I just checked, and apparently she’s only 44. She definitely looks above 50, by Hollywood standards, anyway.) SJP’s Team needs to put down the crackpipe and realize that they’re not dressing Miley Cyrus.

Most Offensive Shorts

 

Almost everything in this photo offends me. Let’s go through it point by point.

  • I always thought gladiator sandals were disgusting, but even if you disagree, they’re at least a few seasons out of style now.
  • That necklace is just too much with that outfit. Keep it simple.
  • Haven’t people learned better than to wear horizontal stripes, particularly with something high-waisted? Her legs look fierce, but her torso looks about an inch long.
  • I’m too busy vomiting to talk about how much I loathe those high-waisted baggy shorts.
  • She’s wearing too much blush, her eyebrows are too pointy, and that hairdo is oddly formal. Where are you going that requires an updo, a leather jacket, and fugly shorts? A black tie lesbian motorcycle convention?

When They Colonize The Moon, Let’s Send Her First

 

I am so tired of hating Jennifer Aniston. I really do wish she would just fade into oblivion so I wouldn’t have to see how sad and lonely and poorly dressed she is. She has possibly the most boring fashion sense of any star. This is not only boring, but unflattering and ill-fitting. Also, we get it. You’re a Greek girl with fabulous Greek coloring. Stop wearing Grecian gowns. It’s not cute anymore. She looks like she broke her arm but decided to incorporate the sling into the gown. It’s an awkward length, it drapes very unfortunately across her tummy, she looks like she can’t walk in it, and the color is blah. Also, either stay brunette or go to your colorist more often, because there’s no reason a woman as rich as you should have golden sun-kissed hair with black roots.

Best of the Week

 

To the premiere of her badass rocker film, and her first real adult role, Dakota Fanning wore something sweet and girly as can be. And I think that was a brilliant decision by an incredibly precocious and talented girl. Dakota Fanning will always keep us guessing about what she’s capable of. When we pegged her as a sweet child star, she took a role as a drinking, girl-kissing punk rocker. When we got used to her role in The Runaways, she showed us that she can still be poised, graceful, and feminine. The dress is gorgeous, especially on her porcelain skin. I hope she never gets into the fake tanning scene, because her delicate beauty is just incredible. We already knew she had a long career ahead of her, but now it’s clear that she’s got a lot more tricks up her sleeve.

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