Welcome back, dear readers!
I never find the face masks necessary, but the dress is deliciously wild.
NICOLE KIDMAN in an Elie Saab dress and Jimmy Choo sandals
I’m no Kidman fan, but she’s WORKING this hot little dress. It fits her beautifully, and the hair and makeup are flawless. She’s got some serious crazy eyes in this picture, though.
EMMA WATSON in a Balmain dress and Christian Louboutin wedges
I’m not really into the one-sleeve on this dress – with the shiny pattern, and the blue underlay, it’s a little disjointed. But she still looks great in it, and those wedges are too cute.
ROSIE HUNTINGTON-WHITELEY in a Dolce & Gabbana dress and Christian Louboutin shoes
Another white lace dress with nude shoes. Pretty, but dull.
KAROLINA KURKOVA in Sophie Theallet
It’s a little much – I think the color and the lipstick are really what’s killing it for me – but it’s an effort, at least.
KATE MIDDLETON in a skirt and top by Whistles, Belle & Mimi shoes and an L.K. Bennett purse
Adorable, if a little matronly. Unless you’re at a country club, this look isn’t really appropriate.
BEST. SHOES. EVER.
NAOMI CAMPBELL in a Dolce & Gabbana dress and Azzedine Alaïa shoes
I do love a good green leopard print, even if green leopards don’t exist. The shoes, in their webby way, keep the animal vibe going. Obviously Naomi will not hesitate to pounce if provoked.
ZOE SALDANA in Chloé
I think the color is a little washed-out, the purse is bridal and the belt just wasn’t the right choice, but I like the silhouette.
ROSIE HUNTINGTON-WHITELEY in Marios Schwab
Cute, but snooze.
KAROLINA KURKOVA in Isabel Marant shoes
I am all kinds of in love with those shoes. The dress is good on her, but likely no one else.
KATE WINSLET in Ralph Lauren
She hasn’t worn anything interesting in a long time. She looks beautiful here, but she’s worn this dress a thousand times.
REESE WITHERSPOON in Hanii Y
That color is PERFECT on her. Too cute.
AMBER HEARD in Vivienne Westwood
Honey, it’s only the ESPYs. That’s not even a real red carpet event. There’s no need to pull out your most sequined outfit.
ZOOEY DESCHANEL in Kate Spade
I used to love Zooey Deschanel, but I think she’s gotten increasingly boring over the years. Case in point: this garden party/baby shower ensemble. It’s cute, but she acts like such a hip indie girl, which doesn’t exactly match this Barbie outfit.
Gaga, that is NOT how sombreros work.
MALIN AKERMAN in All Saints
Could everyone stop wearing suede ankle booties in the middle of the summer? And this dress has about the saddest, droopiest draping I’ve ever seen.
She used to think she was Marilyn Monroe; now she thinks she’s Madonna. Sadly, she’s more like a less interesting Courtney Love.
EVA LONGORIA in an ASOS dress and Brian Atwood shoes
I am really not a fan of this color orange, and those shoes are making my brain explode a little bit. When you spray tan as much as Eva Longoria does, wearing an all-orange ensemble has the same effect as wearing an all-nude ensemble. This is just silly.
CLEMENCE POESY in Chanel
She looks completely confused, but f I were Fleur Delacour, I’d be confused too. “I only have one line in zee movie! Why am I zee only cast member who made it to zees red carpet? How can I get zees toilette paper off my skirt?”
HILARY SWANK in Tory Burch
Oof, those might be the ugliest shoes I’ve ever seen.
KERRY WASHINGTON in a Jenny Packham dress and Gio Diev shoes
Definitely not my favorite look. The uber-tight skirt/puffy top combo leaves her looking strangely lumpy.
KYRA SEDGWICK in Zac Posen
Oh, Kyra, put those away. We do not need a peek into the depths of your cleavage, and certainly not when you’re wearing such a god-awful dress. What is happening with all this rouching and ruffling?
BROOKLYN DECKER in a Jay Ahr dress and Christian Louboutin shoes
Fun shoes, but that dress is more like a bath towel than an article of clothing.
ROSE BYRNE in Nicholas Kirkwood shoes
Oy, this is a rough color on her. It washes her out terribly, and the hair and makeup and black nail polish are just making matters worse.
I’ve seen Barbies with less synthetic hair than this.
Really? Are we doing cut-outs for our lovehandles now? Is that REALLY going to be a trend? I refuse.
KOURTNEY KARDASHIAN in Nieves Lavi