Admit it. You’ve missed me.
FAN BINGBING at the Shanghai Film Festival
gown by Stéphane Rolland
I worship at the altar of Fan Bingbing.
MINDY KALING in New York City
dress by Dolce & Gabbana
This is perfect and very befitting of my imaginary best friend who shares her amazing clothes with me.
MILEY CYRUS at the amfAR Inspiration Gala
gown by Moschino
Okay, it’s a LOT, but it’s refreshingly not-naked, and it has a sense of humor, and there’s something old-school Madonna about it that I’m really enjoying.
RIHANNA in Tokyo
dress, sunglasses, jewelry, purse, and shoes by Christian Dior
You have to be Rihanna to pull off those booties, but conveniently, Rihanna is in fact Rihanna.
CARA DELEVINGNE in Berlin
dress by Mary Katrantzou
Obsessed the houndstooth print, the matching lipstick, and Cara Delevingne herself, who basically founded the concept of eyebrows being on fleek.
CARA DELEVINGNE in Paris
top by Jenny Packham, shorts by Elie Saab, shoes by Nicholas Kirkwood
I have to start casually carrying around a flower as an accessory. And telling people it’s Chanel.
CARA DELEVINGNE in Madrid
top and shorts by Vatanika, shoes by Casadei
It doesn’t pack the same punch as the other two, but when she keeps it simple, Cara can do no wrong.
JOAN SMALLS at the amfAR Inspiration Gala
dress by Givenchy, shoes by Casadei
Fun! A little casual for a gala, but supermodels just smize at you until you ease your wardrobe requirements anyway, so it’s a moot point.
LAVERNE COX at the amfAR Inspiration Gala
gown by Michael Costello
Mega-flattering. I love the curves around her shoulders and the peek of under-boob.
NICOLE KIDMAN at the Women in Film Crystal + Lucy Awards
dress by Nina Ricci, shoes by Brian Atwood
I’m enjoying the distracting sparkles, but she’s not bringing anything particularly new or original to the table.
AMAL CLOONEY in London
jacket and skirt by Giambattista Valli
Serving up law professor realness, which I promise you is a thing.
SANDRA BULLOCK at the Women in Film Crystal + Lucy Awards
dress by Monique Lhuillier, shoes by Stuart Weitzman
This dress might have been better served if Kiernan Shipka had broken into Sandy’s home, stolen the dress, hacked off a foot of the skirt, and called it a day.
NINA DOBREV at the Los Angeles Film Festival
dress by Monique Lhuillier, purse by Lee Savage
Fine, but not too memorable. I like the curly hair, though.
KRISTEN STEWART at the Women in Film Crystal + Lucy Awards
dress by Proenza Schouler, shoes by Sophia Webster
The seam over that sheer tummy cut-out is absolutely killing me, but there is a universe in which I could like this. You know, if Kristen weren’t trying so hard to make me hate it.
JENA MALONE in Los Angeles
dress by MaxMara, purse by Edie Parker
I hate the trend of celebrities wearing coats and blazers slung over their shoulders like they’re some kind of royal fucking capes. Somehow, it’s even worse and yet ten times more hilarious with a denim jacket. You can’t be fussy with DENIM.
ZOE SALDANA in Los Angeles
gown by Louis Vuitton, shoes by Kurt Geiger
I almost didn’t notice how straight-up ugly this dress is – that’s how hard Zoe Saldana is selling it. Congratulations, girl. This dress is a mess, but you almost had me fooled.
CHLOË MORETZ in Cancun
dress by Miu Miu
She deserves better.
KATE MARA at the Women in Film Crystal + Lucy Awards
dress by MaxMara, shoes by Bionda Castana
This seems intentionally awkward, no? In that hipster bullshit Alexa Chung way that I detest.
KATE MARA in Los Angeles
jumpsuit and purse by MaxMara
I think I could deal with the haircut OR the ruffle OR the waistline, but all three is just a nightmare.
SELENA GOMEZ in Cancun
top and skirt by Katie Ermilio, shoes by Christian Louboutin
This is admittedly not great. But I would be remiss not to harshly judge Selena’s co-stars, who shouldn’t even be allowed to promote films at this point:
The onus is always on famous women, and rarely men, to put in ridiculous amounts of effort on the red carpet, but I believe in equal opportunity judgment across the gender spectrum. I may not like Selena’s outfit, but girl is trying, while these man-children couldn’t even be bothered to put actual pants or shoes on. Can I get the number of that “SHAME, SHAME, SHAME” lady from Game of Thrones? I think she could be of good use on those two.