Our Met Gala coverage kicks off with the celebrities who did too much blow and thought they were at the Oscars!
Are you caught up on the rules? Good.
gown by Prada, jewelry by Tiffany & Co.
The color: EVERYTHING. The texture: FLAWLESS. The silhouette: SLAYING. The venue: COMPLETELY FUCKING WRONG.
gown by Prada, jewelry by Bulgari
Et tu, Diane? You couldn’t have saved this beauty for a more normal red carpet event? The back view does play a bit with proportion, but not in a dramatic enough way to actually score any theme points:
Oscars dress in the front, bathrobe in the rear.
gown by Tory Burch, jewelry by Cartier
I almost stuck this in the Best Dressed/People Who Actually Followed the Goddamn Theme post. But I decided Kate Bosworth could have gotten away with wearing an upside-down triangle made of pubes, and instead went for what is essentially a basic gown with some upgraded detailing. She’s too Fashion to half-ass a theme.
gown by Versace
For one of only a handful of times in recent history, I actually think Blake Lively is wearing something elegant, interesting, and well-styled. Too bad she couldn’t wear it TO THE FUCKING OSCARS.
gown by Miu Miu, jewelry by Fred Leighton
Fuck you, Elle. I KNOW you have a weirdo-fashion side – I’ve seen you in those hideous Miu Miu flatforms – and you give me pure and innocent Disney princess? Here? NOW? How dare you. Also this is truly exquisitely lovely. Also also, fuck you.
gown by Oscar de la Renta, shoes by Christian Louboutin
That lipstick is all wrong for this dress.
gown by Diane von Furstenberg, jewelry by Cartier
Definitely one of her all-time chicest looks, but the makeup ages her a decade.
gown by Prada, jewelry by Piaget
I’m actually legitimately pissed she didn’t save this one for Cannes. This shit has film festival written all over it.
gown by Prabal Gurung
Needs a necklace.
gown by Erdem, jewelry by Fred Leighton
I’m all for interesting colors and weird fabrics, but this doesn’t push it hard enough and also just looks like two of my grandmother’s couches stapled together. Weirdly enough, that actually SHOULD work for this theme, but somehow it still falls short.
gown by Chanel, shoes by Christian Louboutin
Would have scored her Honorable Mention in my SAG Awards post for sure.
JENNIFER LOPEZ and ALEX RODRIGUEZ
gown and tuxedo by Valentino, jewelry by Harry Winston, purse by Judith Leiber
The best thing about being J.Lo is that wherever you go, the theme is always J.Lo. Let’s get the back view, just for fun:
Can’t she wear this to the major awards shows, instead of something embellished and skintight and Zuhair Murad-esque? This easygoing flowiness is a nice surprise on her.
HANNAH BAGSHAWE and EDDIE REDMAYNE
gown and suit by Prada
I’m disappointed in you, Eddie. We both know you can bring it harder than this.
gown by Burberry
Seems like an odd combo of dress and person, no?
gown by Paco Rabanne, jewelry by Cartier, purse by Lee Savage
Slick center-parted hair makes me roll my eyes. I know it’s unfair, but it always reminds me of Gwyneth Paltrow, and Gwyneth Paltrow makes me roll my eyes.
gown by Marc Jacobs
A purse in the same fabric as your gown? Sofia. Gurl. You are not a bridesmaid. Stop it.
gown by Tommy Hilfiger, jewelry by Fred Leighton, shoes by Christian Louboutin
Ill-fitting, oddly bridal, and black sandals were the wrong choice.