Met Gala 2017: Well… Almost!

This batch of Met Gala lewks is brought to you by the celebrities who tried, and almost succeeded! 

Are you caught up on the rules? Good.

RUTH NEGGA
gown by Valentino, jewelry by Tiffany & Co.

Photo: John Shearer/Getty

Add six feet to the end of this train, and this would’ve been in my top five looks of the night. As is, it’s slightly too normal to place Ruth amongst those who really committed to the theme. But I love the high neck and the printed cape and the general vibe of this.

JULIANNE MOORE
dress by Calvin Klein, jewelry by Chopard

Photo: Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty

Love everything except the white shoes, but Julianne used to wear this kind of shit on a Tuesday to the goddamn 7-11. I expect more from a star this big, particularly one who isn’t afraid to take fashion risks.

MICHAEL B. JORDAN
tuxedo by Ralph Lauren

Photo: John Shearer/Getty

I basically worship every man in Hollywood who wears anything other than a black tux to high-profile events.

DAISY RIDLEY
gown by Oscar de la Renta

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Photo: InStyle

Points for going for volume and silhouette with that skirt, but the styling is a little too low-key.

AYMELINE VALADE
suit by Marni

Photo: Neilson Barnard/Getty

Wish she’d saved this one for a different event, and rid herself of those very upsetting shoes.

NICK JONAS
shoes by Ralph Lauren

Photo: Dia Dipasupil/Getty

For the love of God, Nick, shave or grow an actual beard. This in-between middle-school pube-stache is just exhauting.

CHRISSY TEIGEN and JOHN LEGEND
gown by Marchesa

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Photo: John Shearer/Getty

It’s a little sloppy and mostly looks like she got caught in some kind of toilet paper tornado, but props for trying. Now, Chrissy, please explain to your man that his penis won’t fall off if he dares to wear something more interesting than a white dinner jacket.

MANDY MOORE
gown, jewelry, and purse by Michael Kors

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Photo: Kevin Mazur/WireImage

Something about her makeup creeps me out, and not in an on-theme way. I do like the single long glove, though.

LAURA DERN
gown by Gabriela Hearst, jewelry by Cartier

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Photo: Neilson Barnard/Getty

I was ready to declare this a snoozefest, but I’ll give Laura some credit for the back:

Photo: Evan Agostini/Invision/AP

Okay, so maybe she just tacked a polka-dot sheet onto her ass, but I’m not mad at it.

HAILEY BALDWIN
top and skirt by Carolina Herrera, veil by Gigi Burris, jewelry by Lorraine Schwartz

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Photo: John Shearer/Getty

It’s a little princessy and a little dated, but she’s playing with proportions and silhouettes! Like she almost cares at least a tiny bit about the theme! Yay!

LILY JAMES
gown by Burberry, jewelry by Repossi

Photo: Matt Baron/BEI/Shutterstock

Hated this from the front, but it grew on me:

Photo: Jamie McCarthy/FilmMagic

I kind of wish the bow had been SUPER gigantic, like the size of her entire body, but I guess we should be counting our lucky stars for a celebrity who cared like 5% about the theme, since there were so many who ignored it entirely.

DREE HEMINGWAY
gown by Diane von Furstenberg

Photo: Neilson Barnard/Getty

The bleached brows feel VERY on-theme. The rest of this feels kind of scattered and lost.

MAGGIE GYLLENHAAL
gown by Marni

Photo: Neilson Barnard/Getty

I’m not entirely sure whether this is a gown, or a gown over pants, or why she appears to be wearing mules, but I’ll accept it. (Though the fiery red lipstick looks terrible with the magenta color in the dress.)

ISABELLE HUPPERT
jacket, skirt, and beret by Christian Dior, jewelry by Repossi

Isabelle Huppert

Photo: Evan Agostini/Invision/AP

This has basically nothing to do with the theme, but this bitch is 64 years old and constantly serving high fashion realness, so she gets a thumbs up anyway.

LAURA OSNES
gown by Christian Siriano

Photo: John Shearer/Getty

I was all in for this dramatic skirt when I saw the gown from behind, but it honestly looks like Christian Siriano just forgot to finish the front of this dress. What’s even happening where the black fabric meets the pink? Are those lumpy, misshapen cut-outs intentional? I demand an explanation.

SARAH PAULSON
gown by Prada, jewelry by Irene Neuwirth

050117-met-gala-2017-sarah-paulson

Photo: Neilson Barnard/Getty

Okay, but what if the feathers just took over her entire body instead? See, making all of these almost-but-not-quite outfits into perfectly on-theme outfits is so easy, friends. Just take one detail and say, “but what if you blew that up to like 80 times its normal size,” and you’re done!

KATIE HOLMES
gown by Zac Posen

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Photo: Neilson Barnard/Getty

Katie Holmes is Ambien in human form, but I don’t hate this. At first glance, I thought it was indistinguishable from every other sweeping Zac Posen gown she’s ever worn, but I think the detailing here does deserve some props.

KERRY WASHINGTON
gown, purse, and shoes by Michael Kors

Photo: Jamie McCarthy/FilmMagic

Not a fan of the fit or the hair, but I’ll accept some weird patchwork realness on this red carpet. Also, is it me, or are some of these celebs just rehashing the 2013 punk-themed Met Gala because they can’t figure out what to do with the 2017 theme?

JADEN SMITH

Photo: Neilson Barnard/Getty

If there’s any red carpet event in the world where you can get away with carrying your own hair as an accessory and pretending it’s FASHUN and totally not gross, it’s the Met Gala. However… this is still kinda gross.

SOPHIE TURNER
gown by Louis Vuitton

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Photo: Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty

Not great, but I didn’t expect Sansa Stark to have access to the highest of high fashions. Props to her hair and makeup artists, because she is absolutely glowing.

GRACE HARTZEL
jacket and skirt by Christian Dior

Photo: Benjamin Norman/New York Times

I don’t know why we’re pretending this is someone named Grace, when it’s clearly a time-traveling Helena Bonham Carter on Dia de los Muertos.

REESE WITHERSPOON
gown by Mugler, jewelry by Tiffany & Co.

Photo: John Shearer/Getty

Lol, of COURSE Reese would add like an inch and a half of volume to one of her sleeves and be like, “LOOK! I DID IT! I AM SO AVANT-GARDE! I AM REI KAWAKUBO!”

JOE JONAS
suit by H&M

Photo: Neilson Barnard/Getty

Him too, with the little pube-goatee? Jonas Brothers, get your facial hair under control, please. Also, sorry honey, but you look like you own a Gatsby-themed quickie-wedding chapel in Vegas.

Need more Met Gala realness? Catch up!


© Democracy Diva, 2017.
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