Believe it or not, the world keeps turning during even during New York Fashion Week, so we’ve got plenty of other red carpet shenanigans to cover.
KEIRA KNIGHTLEY // dress by Elie Saab, shoes by Miu Miu
Well, la dee da, Ms. Knightley. Don’t you look desperate to be cast in Black Swan 2: Electric Boogaloo. We kid because we love, darling. Anywho, I can’t decide if this dress is nude or pink – it changes in every photo. I definitely like it in pink; not sold on the nude. It is a really delicate, intricate, exquisite little dress, and the prudishness of the front is nicely offset by the sexiness of the back. My main problem is the shoes, which are just the wrong everything – color, fabric, shape, you name it.
Love the hair and the earrings. But no matter how expensive the lace you wrap yourself in is, underwear is not outerwear, darlings. I mean, unless you’re a pop star, because we all know the rules don’t apply to them.
Surprisingly understated for a drama queen like Lea Michele. I don’t love the bare face, red lip combination, and I think the length and fit of this dress are atrocious, but it’s nice to see her looking a little laid-back. Red definitely looks fantastic on her, but she needs a dress that works on a petite woman.
Well, Toto, I don’t think we’re at Sterling Cooper anymore. The color of those shoes is sucking all the happiness out of my soul like a dementor. And that dress? For fuck’s sake, Christina Aguilera would look at this and say, “A bit drag queeny, no?” And let’s not even approach the hair. Seriously, I’m afraid to go near that thing. It might have claws.
But on the other side of the Mad Men cast, little Sally Draper hit the Creative Arts Emmys looking positively fabulous. She is eleven years old, ridiculously adorable, totally precocious, and an adorable mini-fashionista. The outfit is chic and age-appropriate without being little-girly. Shoes are too cute.
ELIZABETH OLSEN // dress by Erdem, purse by Salvatore Ferragamo
The Olsen twins’ sister hit the Toronto Film Festival in a fabulous Erdem dress. It doesn’t fit her perfectly – in fact, it makes her look much bigger than she actually is, but perhaps that’s just an unfortunate camera angle. But it’s still doubtlessly beautiful, even if that purse is lame.
Garner-Affleck Baby #3 is on the way, darlings! Jennifer Garner is always a snooze on the red carpet, pregnant or not, but I don’t totally hate this dress. I hate it with those shoes, and with no jewelry, and with that hair, though. So, sorry fetus, but your mama is OUT.
I don’t quite know how to say this, but … Kathy Griffin looks classy. Like, understated and delicate and not at all any word that you’d ordinarily associate with Kathy Griffin. You fucking go, girl. This broad gets better with age, in my opinion.
LEIGHTON MEESTER // dress, purse and shoes by Alexander McQueen
LOVE. THIS. DRESS. I don’t love those heavy bangs, and the length is absolutely atrocious on her, but this dress is actually stunning. I’m not sold on the shoes, and though the purse is a perfect match, I don’t necessarily think that’s a good thing. But this dress. I want.
KIRSTEN DUNST // blouse by Prada, skirt by Chanel
She looks like the middle-aged wife of a hippie politician. Kirsten, you’re not even thirty yet! There’s no reason to go to this dowdy, matronly place. Maybe Christie Brinkley could get away with this on the cover of Hamptons magazine, but this is not a 29-year-old starlet’s dress.
DEMI LOVATO // dress by Maria Lucia Hohan
I’ll give it to her – she looks beautiful. You know I’m over this nude dress thing, and her hair is a disaster, but she’s positively glowing, so I’ve got to give her this one.
EVA LONGORIA // gown by Oscar de la Renta
It’s just so tired. The stiff train, the mermaid shape, what I’m sure is a giant bow in back, one side of the bust higher than the other – we’ve seen this on every fucking celebrity for the last bazillion red carpets. And in this color, which I think is just terrible on Eva? With that comically stupid updo? No, darling. No.
JESSICA ALBA // gown by Michael Kors
Boring but inoffensive. Her makeup looks really fantastic.
CHLOE MORETZ // dress by Valentino
So, here’s the thing: Chloe Moretz is 14 years old. And she wears a lot of looks that most 14-year-olds wouldn’t or couldn’t wear, but not in an inappropriate way – just in a stylish-beyond-her-years way. However, I think I need to draw the line at a 14-year-old in a sheer blouse with what is seemingly only a bra or bustier underneath. Honeybear, there is so much time for that five years from now. Do yourself a favor and save the leather and lace for the future, okay?
Actually, she looks pretty awesome. Great color dress, love the little side cut-outs (sexy, but subtle), dig the bracelets and the purse. Nice job, Cat!
This, not so much. WEAR A COLOR. SOMEONE. PLEASE. SOMEWHERE ON THEIR OUTFIT. It’s a shame, because if she wasn’t literally in various shades of her skintone from head to toe, this would be a killer little outfit. The design of that shoe is fantastic, the purse seems gorgeous, and the dress is adorable. But colors do the talking, dear readers.
I won’t lie to you, readers – I think that shirt is pretty cute. However, let’s get to the real fashionista in the family: Suri.
The dress is darling, the shoes are sweet, the hat is AMAZING. And the straight hair and dark lipstick? If Suri’s going through her emo, angsty phase, I’m loving it.
SALMA HAYEK // dress and clutch by Alexander McQueen
No. No, no, no. NO. I can’t even process the amount of fugliness this dress is imposing on such an otherwise beautiful woman. The shape is all wrong on her, miles too tight, and the bust is ridiculous. The skirt length and shape don’t work for her legs, and the colors were an ABSURD choice for her skin tone. The accessories are painfully matchy-matchy, the hair is laughably bad – I’m actually exhausted now, and I NEVER get tired of judging people. For you, dear readers, I will forge ahead.
EMILY BLUNT // jumpsuit by Christian Cota
My head might explode. Did she make some sort of deal with Lifetime where she was contractually obligated to wear whatever fugly-ass “design” won a certain Project Runway challenge? Because unless she was forced into this jumpsuit at gunpoint, I cannot find a possible explanation for this outfit.
EMILY BLUNT // dress and shoes by Prada
Hate the purse, but I love everything else. The dress is delish – the colorblocking trend is happening in a BIG way, dears – and the shoes are fucking phenomenal. But that little-girly purse was a mistake.
VICTORIA BECKHAM // dress by Victoria Beckham, shoes by Christian Louboutin
The bottom of that dress is ugly as all hell, and Victoria’s far too old to be wearing it, but I like the top and the boots.
RACHEL BILSON // dress by Erin Fetherston, blazer by Vanessa Bruno, purse by Edie Parker, shoes by Giuseppe Zanotti
With the blazer, I think this is the perfect starlet-at-a-party outfit. A sweet, eye-catching cocktail dress in a light, breezy color and fabric; peep-toe stilettos with an ankle strap (not my favorite choice, but it’ll do); the blazer that goes with everything; and a purse that grabs all the attention. However, when she takes the blazer off, she looks a little too naked. That dress requires a necklace or hair down or something to make her shoulders look a little less bare.