DAKOTA FANNING in Los Angeles // gown, belt, purse, and shoes by Gucci
Oh, God bless you, Dakota! Welcome to the world of gorgeous colors instead of your usual washed-out pale neutrals. This pink suits her so incredibly well, and kudos to her/her stylist on the completely killer accessories. Gritty-meets-pretty is perfect for Dakota, the child prodigy flawlessly and gracefully making her way through her teen years with nary a nip slip or whirlwind engagement on her record. The studded belt and clutch, the cuff, the fresh-faced makeup and shiny hair – make the belt and skirt start half an inch higher, and this is my idea of a truly perfect red carpet look.
BEYONCE in Paris // jacket, top, and shorts by Surface to Air, sunglasses by The Row, purse by Alexander McQueen, shoes by Prada
Bey, promise me you’ll never let your mother dress you again. I guess it took having a fabulous baby of your own to get you to stop wearing those godforsaken House of Dereon gowns and tacky, more expensive designer versions of them. Love her easy-breezy Parisian street style with the volume turned up to eleven. The gorgeous Prada shoes, the matching cocktail rings, and that beautiful McQueen purse – they’re all delectable pieces individually, but together, they – and Bey – are unstoppable.
BEYONCE in Paris // top by Carven, pants by Vionnet, shoes by Christian Louboutin
Is there anything better than Beyonce’s curls? I think not. A thousand ladies with more model-like bodies would still look ridiculous in this get-up, but of course Mrs. Jay-Z can work the shit out of hot pink baggy-waisted tapered trousers. Dig the shades, darling!
KATY PERRY in London // dress by Carven
Well, well, well, Ms. Perry! You’ve finally found a ridiculous hair color that actually works on you, unlike basically every stupid shade you’ve tried before. Furthermore, the mixed-print Carven dress is fantastic. That silly-but-chic thing really shines on her – I love the crisp white collar and the gorgeous gray coat that I want to rip right off her back. The shades and studded bracelet look awesome, but I could live without the almost-Gaga platforms.
CYNTHIA NIXON at the Tony Awards // gown by Carolina Herrera
Even as a cynical teen, long before I was a more cynical law student, I’ve always been a Miranda. Partly because of her no-nonsense attitude and sheer brilliance, partly because I always root for the ginger or the real-life newlywed lesbian, and she’s both. (She got married just a few weeks ago, so mazel tov to her!) Plus, she was by far the best dressed at the always style-starved Tony Awards (which this year was also marred by a lack of new, exciting musicals [with the notable exception of the dancing in Newsies], but that’s a tangent for another day). The gold bracelet doesn’t quite work, but the gown is interesting and fits her like a dream, which is much more than you can usually expect from the Tonys red carpet. Sadly, the best designers don’t lend out their nicest digs to most Broadway stars, since they’re not paparazzi bait like screen and music stars. But work that sparkly underlay and that fuchsia gown, Cynthia!
BERNADETTE PETERS at the Tony Awards // gown by Donna Karan
Bernadette’s beautiful ringlets make any look spectacular. The skirt on this is downright stupid, but I’ll be damned if Bernie doesn’t make it look pretty fucking fabulous. It’s a good color and, if you eliminate the hideous mermaid upholstery happening south of her knees, it’s a flattering silhouette on Ms. Peters.
JADA PINKETT-SMITH in New York City // dress by Salvatore Ferragamo, shoes by Jimmy Choo
This was my Spring 2012 red carpet prediction for Jennifer Aniston, but it’s a zillion times better on Jada, even though it’s still a draped copper trash bag with a chain necklace. But put something sparkly and short on Jada and she tends to shine in it, though she can do a bit better than this. Dig the sandals, though!
JADA PINKETT-SMITH in New York City // romper by Valentino, shoes by Jimmy Choo
I almost like this, in spite of it being a romper on a grown woman, which I still find pretty ridiculous. The bodice part is beautiful, with that lovely rose, and it’s got a city-chic Carrie Bradshaw vibe to it that I’m enjoying. But something’s happening in the waist that’s not quite flattering. Black shoes were the right choice, but these are a little too ordinary. But the hair, makeup, and jewelry are all pretty darn fabulous.
AMANDA SEYFRIED at the Tony Awards // dress, belt, and shoes by Givenchy
Every blog I read loathed this outfit, but I actually think, in spite of its problems, this was more good than bad. The pop of orange-red would have worked with either a much smaller belt or a much more subtle purse, but pairing both these big, loud pieces together was a mistake. The dress itself is actually fabulous, though it should be half an inch higher and fit her better in the bust. The bracelet is gorgeous, but the lipstick is too much with the orange accessories. Strappy sandals were a good idea, but they should have had thinner straps and perhaps a slightly higher heel. And a pedicure wouldn’t have killed her – it is the freaking Tony Awards, after all.
OLIVIA PALERMO in Milan // gown by BCBG Max Azria, shoes by Boutique 9
Usually I like Olivia’s style, but this is a little too Rachel Zoe for me. That wispy hair and overdone makeup are so fussy, the belt and purse don’t work at all, and it’s just not a particularly nice dress. The shoes are the only thing I’m really enjoying, but we can usually count on Ms. Palermo for more than a nice pair of shoes.
FERGIE in New York City // dress and purse by Calvin Klein, shoes by Fergie Footwear
Fergie, if you want to be taken seriously (which is the message I’m getting from your basic LBD, black clutch, and boring-as-can-be black platform pumps), you might want to stop seeing Joan Rivers’s plastic surgeon. You two are starting to look related, and you know that isn’t a compliment.
JESSICA CHASTAIN at the Tony Awards // dress by Marios Schwab, shoes by Giuseppe Zanotti
Ms. Chastain, what in the world is going on with your breasts? For a high-necked, long-sleeved, knee-length dress, this is somehow weirdly naked because of that strange sheer corset top. It’s sort of beautiful in a runway way, but I just don’t understand it on Jessica. The hair and makeup are predictably beautiful, but this dress is all kinds of strange.
JESSICA CHASTAIN in New York City // top and shorts by Carven, shoes by Brian Atwood
No, Jessica. Even your gorgeous hair can’t save this. Lose the collar and those hideously unflattering shorts and those disastrous invisible shoes, and you’ll be wearing a sheer shirt and underwear, but it’d be a more chic outfit than this.
JESSICA CHASTAIN in New York City // dress, belt, and shoes by Yves Saint Laurent
The proportions are completely wonky, the cuff is kind of ugly, and is this woman morally opposed to interesting shoes?
JENNIFER ANISTON in Los Angeles // gown by Burberry, purse by Valentino, shoes by Tabitha Simmons
Thanks for showing us more breast and thigh than a chicken buffet, Jen. We really needed it. And the too-tight, Tara Reid-tacky wedding gown looks a wee bit desperate on you. The purse is fantastic, but not with this dress, and those shoes are borderline stupid.
HILARY SWANK in New York City // dress, purse, and shoes by Marc Jacobs
No, Hilary. This is so not the dress for you. Not the stiff fabric, not the print, not the ridiculous length and width of that skirt, and not that inexplicable T-shirt collar.
JULIANNE HOUGH in Los Angeles // gown by Kaufmanfranco
The hair and makeup are too horrific to even discuss, and I can’t even look at her dress without fearing for the safety of my retinas. And I know cut-outs are in, but that pathetic little shoulder slit is a ridiculously lame homage to the trend.
JULIANNE HOUGH in Miami // dress by Milly, shoes by Brian Atwood
The hair and makeup are different, but still terrible, and the shoes are so boring I don’t even know how to put words to it. And a blue leather minidress that’s too tight in the bust and has one giant puffy sleeve? Probably not a look that works on anyone, least of all Julianne Hough.
KATHERINE HEIGL in Los Angeles // gown by Monique Lhuillier, purse by Judith Leiber, shoes by Camilla Skovgaard
She’s beyond saving. Until she stops styling her hair like a menopausal talk show host, I’m not going to waste time critiquing her wardrobe.
CATHERINE ZETA-JONES in Los Angeles // dress by Zuhair Murad
If this is your big comeback, Catherine, you probably shouldn’t have borrowed your outfit from Selena Gomez’s tour wardrobe.