DIANE KRUGER in New York City // gown by Azzedine Alaïa
Nothing like Diane Kruger in an Alaïa [Mugger: An A-what-a? Cher: It’s like, a totally important designer! . . . what, no Clueless fans?] to make me certain that this lady has sold her soul to the devil in exchange for her beauty. I’m sorry, but there’s just no other possible way to be mortal and look like this, right? When your skin shines like a diamond, you don’t need much in the way of jewelry. The gown is simply perfect on her, and the purse is delicious.
DIANE KRUGER in Paris // dress by 3.1 Phillip Lim, shoes by Givenchy
It’s almost infuriating, dear readers. I put on a giant lilac vest and I look like a slightly overgrown kindergartener with a very low IQ, but on Diane? Flawless. And I’m somehow not sick of these Givenchy sandals that every celebrity on earth has in every color, because dammit, they are a fantastic summertime shoe.
FLORENCE WELCH in Windsor, England // gown by Valentino, purse by Bulgari
The gown is incredible, and nothing beats a ginger in green. I could do without the clutch – I like that it’s a little unexpected, but I think maybe it just doesn’t go – but otherwise, I can’t stop drooling. Love that fabulous bracelet.
EMMA STONE in Los Angeles // dress by Chanel, shoes by Christian Louboutin
This was the official conclusion of the neverending Stone/Garfield press tour extravaganza [don’t worry, you’ll have a whole post on it soon to discuss the best and worst]. And I have to say, Emma went out with a bang. I don’t love the crooked, unfinished hemline – it works on a lot of dresses, but I don’t like how it contrasts with the old world elegance of the top of the dress. And I love a studded Louboutin more than life itself, but I’d have loved a more summery shoe, maybe with a bit of color in it. I’m nitpicking, obviously, because this Chanel dress is awesome on her, and her hair and makeup finally look worthy of Emma Stone.
EMMA STONE in Madrid // top by Isabel Marant, pants by Rag & Bone, shoes by Valentino
Not crazy about the blouse, but I’d push her off the stage for those shoes, no doubt about it.
DITA VON TEESE in Paris // dress by Marc Jacobs
Ah, Dita! It’s been awhile since we’ve seen Ms. Von Teese unleash her fabulousness, and I’m all kinds of in love with this Marc Jacobs dress on her. The silhouette is so fucking flattering, but I do wish she’d been more imaginative in her shoe choice.
PIPPA MIDDLETON and CATHERINE, DUCHESS OF CAMBRIDGE at Wimbledon // Pippa’s dress by Project D; Kate’s dress and jacket by Joseph, purse by Diane von Furstenberg, shoes by L.K. Bennett
Aw, get it, sisters! Pippa’s working the peplum trend (she’s a little late to the party, but welcome aboard!), and I love the totally frivolous print on her dress. It screams, “I’m only related to royalty, I have no responsibilities and can wear kicky little printed bird dresses while your Mum-in-Law makes you wear neutrals!” And Kate is neutral indeed, in those godforsaken nude platform pumps she simply refuses to relinquish. At least she went for a leopard-print purse – she’s only, what, three years late to that trend? I kid because I love, Duchess.
BEYONCE at the BET Awards // gown by Stéphane Rolland, shoes by Givenchy
I think a slit that high makes your garment a sarong and not a dress, but GOD I love Beyonce in yellow. Love the one sleeve and the effortless draping and, of course, those Givenchy sandals that Diane Kruger wore with her lilac vest. That belt is fucking badass, and I love Beyonce’s hair like this, all curly and wild and utterly fabulous.
ANNE HATHAWAY in Hollywood // dress by Givenchy, shoes by Tory Burch
She looks cute and breezy-chic (though the shoes are a bit on the dull side). But Rooney Mara wore this in white back in February, and it was infinitely better on her than Annie, no?
ELIZABETH BANKS in New York City // dress by Alexander McQueen, shoes by Brian Atwood
A fun dress, though the fit leaves something to be desired. And I love that Elizabeth Banks like to get wacky with her shoe choices, but I think even I have to draw the line at these things. I mean, I loved that Silly Putty that was purple and then turned pink when your hands warmed it up as much as the next girl, but to incorporate it into your giant platformed footwear isn’t necessarily a great fashion statement.
KATE BOSWORTH in Berlin // dress by Hugo Boss
It’s a great LBD, and what else would you wear to a Hugo Boss event? But it’s still a little too ordinary for me, in spite of the fabulous strappy shoes.
LADY GAGA in Western Australia // dress by Aquilano.Rimondi
Gaga, we’ll get to how painful your cleavage looks in a second. First, I need you to stand very still, because I think a Muppet died on your head.
FREIDA PINTO in Los Angeles // dress by Raoul, shoes by Roger Vivier
Love that color on her, but she loves her shapeless shifts a bit too much. And those shoes are painful to look at.
NAOMI WATTS in Windsor, England // gown by Marchesa
She looks lovely, and her necklace is downright amazing. But let’s not pretend this Marchesa gown doesn’t look like a cheap McQueen rip-off.
KATY PERRY in Sydney // dress by Versace, shoes by Christian Louboutin
Wow, Katy! Surprisingly subtle, but still very Vegas-glitzy. This dress is mega-flattering, and like Emma Stone, she loves her some studded Loubs.
KATY PERRY in London // dress by Marchesa, shoes by Jimmy Choo
I love Georgina Chapman, but she’s got to get another idea besides “coffee filters popping out of my naughty bits” or I’m going to write off Marchesa entirely. A pop star like Ms. Perry may be down for these frilly, fussy shenagigans, but the Democracy Diva is not.
BLAKE LIVELY in New York City // dress by Monique Lhuillier, shoes by Christian Louboutin
I don’t hate the dress (though it is predictably, unreasonably short), but what kills me are the furry shoes. One celebrity in furry stripper heels in the middle of the summer is a fluke, but two is a trend, and Alexa Chung wore furry sandals last week. Take a look at the future of the red carpet, dear readers, because it is bleak:
Ugh. Kill me now.
BLAKE LIVELY in New York City // dress by Lanvin, shoes by Christian Louboutin
First: You are not a little girl who’s trying to find a party dress that matches her Barbie’s, okay? The color is absurd, the silhouette is ridiculous, and the bow? You must be kidding me. And adding those shoes just proved there are some looks that are so pathetic, they cannot even be saved by a studded Loub.
Sorry Blake let you down, you pretty things! Just hop on a Fed Ex truck to DC and I’ll take wonderful care of you.
Can you be frumpy, skanky, matronly, and tacky at all the same time? Apparently, you can. But I guess if you have legs like that, you’re still allowed to be famous no matter how awful your style is. If only I ran the world, dear readers.
ZOOEY DESCHANEL in Los Angeles // dress by Lisa Ho
You’d think Siri would have told Zooey that IT’S A HUNDRED FUCKING DEGREES OUT, MORON! LOSE THE BLACK STOCKINGS!