Welcome to the most fabulous night in television, dear readers!

CHRISTINA HENDRICKS
gown by Christian Siriano, purse by Judith Leiber

Mad Men‘s fabulous Joanie lit up the red carpet, bombshell style, and she looked better than ever. Her gown – designed by everyone’s favorite Project Runway alum, Christian Siriano – was perfect for her: it supports and shows off her goods without being tacky about it (Sofia Vergara, I’m looking at you). I usually hate colorless off-whites like this, but I think it’s absolutely breathtaking with Christina’s porcelain skin and fiery red hair. The relaxed curls are fantastic, the makeup is old Hollywood perfection, and the jewelry is heavenly. She may have been robbed of a win (I love Maggie Smith, but her sassy one-liners, while delicious, don’t deserve an Emmy over the truly astounding work Christina Hendricks did on this season of Mad Men), but if you dress the part, no one will know the difference.

GINNIFER GOODWIN
gown by Monique Lhuillier, purse by Judith Leiber, shoes by Christian Louboutin

I almost always find Ginnifer too desperately over-the-top, but she pulled out all the stops with her fabulous Monique Lhuillier gown. That red-orange color made a strong statement, and I love the matching  red-and-perspex Louboutins. I’ve never thought that ultra-dramatic pixie cut worked for her, and I still don’t, but the jewelry is fabulous and the metallic clutch was a great touch.

JULIANNE MOORE
gown by Christian Dior

This was a controversial choice, but fuck it – I love it. It’s almost an impossible color to wear, and yet it was all over the red carpet, but I think Julianne wore it better than anyone. I love the cinched, elongating waistline, I love where the draping of the skirt starts, and I love a surprising color and silhouette on the red carpet. Throw on better hair and makeup than she’s displayed in months and perfect jewelry, and I’m sold, no matter how out-there it is.

KERRY WASHINGTON
gown by Vivienne Westwood, purse by Kotur, shoes by Christian Louboutin

This doesn’t pack quite the same punch in photos, but I assure you, I could not take my eyes off Kerry Washington during the red carpet broadcast. The gown fit her like a dream, and its utter simplicity was so classically beautiful, I couldn’t look away. The makeup was equally incredible, but I find it all a little underwhelming in photos, whereas she looked sensational on-screen. The hair doesn’t look fantastic, but it was 100 degrees on the red carpet – nobody‘s hair looked fantastic.

JULIA LOUIS-DREYFUS
gown by Vera Wang, shoes by Brian Atwood

Dressing to win, Julia pulled out this stunning crimson Vera Wang creation and rocked the house in it. I think those sheer-over-strapless straps are getting a little old, but I love the way the fabric cross-crosses down her torso. The belted waistline is mega-flattering, but I’m not sure I’m digging the volume of the skirt and the horizontal stripes across it.

AMY POEHLER
gown by Stella McCartney

This, my dear readers, is what we like to call a rebound dress. It’s the gown that screams, “I’m newly single and we all know I’m the funniest woman in the room, regardless of who wins what awards, so look at how fucking fabulous I am!” Seriously, I’m sad about Amy & Will Arnett’s divorce, but apparently, it was just what the doctor stylist ordered, because she looks wonderful. Love the neckline, love the fit – just a little more jewelry and an inch or two off the hemline, and it’d be perfect.

KAT DENNINGS
gown by J. Mendel, shoes by Christian Louboutin

A simple but stunning dress, in a fantastic burnt-orange color. It was a little more cranberry on television, but it was a beautiful gown for her 2phenomenal curves. I can’t imagine how it stayed up all night, but her ta-tas certainly look perfect here. I love the curly hair and red lips, and the way the makeup highlights her eyes is just lovely. I’ve been a Kat Dennings fan for what feels like forever, but this is the first time I’ve seen her pull off something this glamorous. Kudos, Kat!

SARAH HYLAND
gown by Marchesa

Bitchy fashion bloggers everywhere laughed their asses off at Sarah Hyland for having the balls to say she “co-designed” this gown with Marchesa’s Georgina Chapman. Sure you did, darling. Regardless, it’s lovely, but so perfectly bridal that I’m thinking Sarah should have saved this one for her first wedding. (She’s a child actor – there will be more than one wedding.) I love the curly tendrils in the front, but the rest of the hair isn’t working for me.

KRISTEN WIIG
gown by Balenciaga, purse by Judith Leiber

It’s a touch too casual for the event, and lord, I’d kill for this woman to wear something in a color. But if she insists on washing herself out with ivories and creams, at least she chose a pretty, flattering dress and no obtrusive, hideous accessories. I mean, I hate those shoes, but at least they’re subtly awful. The hair and makeup are better than ever, but they’re still very beachy-casual for such a formal red carpet event.

EDIE FALCO
gown by Stella McCartney

You probably didn’t expect Edie Falco to share a wardrobe with Brooklyn Decker, but Brooklyn wore this gown to a movie premiere back in April. But even though I’d seen this gown before, I still think it’s an absolutely killer look for Edie. Not too many fifty-year-olds can look this naturally radiant and gorgeous, but she’s fucking glowing. That faux-skinny silhouette that Stella McCartney can’t stop using looks beautiful here, and that gold belt sets off the look nicely.

KIERNAN SHIPKA
dress by Zac Posen, shoes by Jimmy Choo

I love Kiernan Shipka so much, it’s awkward. And though she’s lovely as ever in her custom Zac Posen dress, I can’t help but feel a little bit disappointed. She looks like a precious little flower girl, but she’s actually a precocious child-prodigy fashionista! Sally Draper could have pulled off something printed or colorful or fabulous. So it’s not that she looks bad here – that’s basically an impossibility. I just want stylists to see her for the creative, fascinating person she is, rather than pigeon-holing her into the little princess category.

SARAH PAULSON
gown by Reem Acra

This was my Resort 2013 red carpet prediction for Taylor Swift. It’s a beautiful gown, and that blue color is beyond fantastic. But the chunky black accessories were a serious mis-step. She was smart to belt the waistline, because it gives her the cutest, tiniest little figure, but I’m not convinced the belt should have been black. And even so, matching the accessories to the black belt made this look go from romantic and ethereal to uneven and poorly-styled.

CLAIRE DANES
gown by Lanvin, shoes by Barbara Bui

For as much as I hate this (and that is a lot), I do need to do the Pregnancy Disclaimer. Once again, it was 100 fucking degrees on this red carpet. And if I were pregnant, on a steaming-hot red carpet, and about to find out if I won a major award, my primary concern would be OMG I’M SO SWEATY HOW CAN I BE LESS SWEATY PLEASE. In that respect, Claire succeeded wildly, as she was certainly the breeziest, most comfortably-dressed person for the temperature/high-stress situation/baby inside her. And that neon yellow was fantastic on her – when the camera panned across the audience, these brilliantly-colored gowns popped right out. But we all know that however I try to spin it, this is a bedsheet, not a dress. Angela Chase should know better.

JOANNE FROGATT
gown by Vivienne Westwood

We’re all rooting for Anna on Downton Abbey, but off-screen, I’m finding it tough to root for Joanne. Darling, the rainbow of hair colors you’re sporting is not a great look for you. The truly terrible fit and really hideous draping are killing me, but that sad, dingy gray color might be the worst thing about it.

ELISABETH MOSS
gown by Dolce & Gabbana

Elisabeth Moss, I don’t care what kind of breakdown you’re having or where Peggy’s career will take her. All I want is for you to stop dressing like Cha Cha DiGregorio. Did you choose this travesty yourself, or did someone on your payroll actually tell you that this Latin bombshell thing was, like, so you? Because if it’s the latter, you have some firing to do.

MELISSA MCCARTHY
gown by Danielle Pearl

I hate the hair, and I think the purse is unreasonably large and a little too casual for the event. The gown is fine, but nothing more than that.

ALLISON WILLIAMS
gown by Oscar de la Renta

Sweetie, you can’t throw your hair back in a basic ponytail and do your normal date-night eyeliner-and-pink-lip-gloss and expect to carry a fucking Oscar de la Renta gown. It just doesn’t work like that. This is too much dress for you to begin with, but you could have pulled it off if you didn’t half-ass it.

MICHELLE DOCKERY
gown by Louis Vuitton, purse by Jimmy Choo

Who are you, and what have you done with our fabulous Lady Mary?! Michelle Dockery, you are stupendously beautiful and your statuesque figure and WASPy features are crazy-easy to dress. Why on earth are you stuck with this ill-fitting nightmare that looks like it got run over by half a dozen limos in the parking lot? It’s an immense disappointment, especially when I hoped this was going to be Michelle’s first big, name-making moment on the red carpet. But I suppose it wouldn’t have mattered anyway, since the E! commentators completely skipped the entire cast of Downton Abbey on the red carpet. I was treated to an endless interview with Julianne fucking Hough, but not even the nominees from Downton made it to the E! broadcast. Fuck you, Anglophobes!

SOFIA VERGARA
gown by Zuhair Murad

I would say I couldn’t hate this more if I tried. But I watched Sofia Vergara shake her ass in it repeatedly on the red carpet, so I probably hated it a lot more then than I do right now. I’m just plain exhausted of explaining to Sofia that her accent and breasts sound/look faker and faker with every awards show, and that stylish women actually do not look to mermaids for fashion advice, shocking as that may seem.

KELLY OSBOURNE
gown by Zac Posen

In case you were wondering whether Kelly Osbourne was done matching her hideous hair to hideous gowns . . . No. That, unfortunately, is a problem that persists, no matter how loudly I scream at my television screen during the E! red carpet coverage.

LENA DUNHAM
gown by Prada

Lena, your short hair looks fantastic and the smoky eye works on you. But call up whoever told you that this gown worked on you, and inform them that you will be murdering their face off in the near future. I have a feeling Lena might have originally seen this as a cocktail dress, loved it, and thought, “Hm, I can make this Emmys-appropriate if I just turn it into a gown!” But this was so the wrong dress to do that with. All this heavy fabric completely swallows her up. It gives her body no definition, it’s terribly unflattering, and it’s not even so-ugly-it’s-cute in that hipster sort of way. It’s just terrible.

JULIANNE HOUGH
gown by Georges Hobeika

I don’t know what was more difficult – trying to keep a straight face when Julianne tried to convince us how totally hetero her boyfriend Ryan Seacrest is, or trying to keep a straight face when looking at this hilariously over-the-top disco-mermaid confection. And you can’t see it too well from here, but her faux combed-over wavy bob was hilariously terrible. She should’ve listened to her gay boyfriend and worn it down after all.

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© Democracy Diva, 2012.
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