Let’s finish this shit, dear readers.
Best Dressed: JULIANNE MOORE
gown by Givenchy, earrings by Chopard
Runner-Up: AMAL CLOONEY
gown and purse by Christian Dior, earrings by Harry Winston
Respect to Amal for dressing like she was going to the opera, as if the entire concept of actors congratulating each other on their achievements is just theater to her. It’s not revolutionary, but it had that impossible-to-achieve combination of “LOOK AT ME!” and “I’m too educated to give a fuck about any of this.”
Honorable Mention: REESE WITHERSPOON
gown by Calvin Klein
Simple? Yes. But the embellishments on the bodice are exquisite, and she looks like a trophy herself. This is how you do minimalism to maximum effect.
tuxedo by Gucci
Delicious. I want that velvet tuxedo jacket in my life.
gown by Dolce & Gabbana, earrings by Chopard
Glam as fuck.
DIANE KRUGER and JOSHUA JACKSON
Diane’s gown by Emilia Wickstead, purse by Emm Kuo
Joshua’s tuxedo by Berluti
Diane looks lovely in that “I’m a big deal, but this night is not actually about me, so I’ll just be over here looking casually flawless” kind of way. Pacey, of course, remains the world’s most desirable accessory.
tuxedo by Lanvin, shoes by Christian Louboutin
The shirt and bow tie are a little too white and shiny, and this could fit him a hell of a lot better, but I don’t hate it. It’s hard to hate Jared Leto in a tux.
gown by Zac Posen
This is the best Katherine Heigl has looked since the last time anyone gave a shit about Katherine Heigl.
gown by Giorgio Armani
dress by Ulyana Sergeenko, jewelry by Bulgari
This dress could have worked if the styling had been more formal and glamorous, but this was a big bag of nope for me. I love the necklace, but nothing else about this is quite dressy enough. And what is even happening with that hair? Did she forget her hair stylist’s birthday or something?
gown by Naeem Khan
Fire your makeup artist and hire a tailor.
gown by Andrew Gn
She looks like an incredibly unappetizing dessert.
gown by Jason Wu
ANNA FARIS and CHRIS PRATT
Anna’s gown by Reem Acra, shoes by Jimmy Choo
Chris’s tuxedo by Tom Ford
Anna needs to start carrying some weight in this relationship. Any fashion points this couple is earning are solely due to Chris Pratt.
gown by Zuhair Murad, purse by Jimmy Choo, shoes by Stuart Weitzman
I’m exhausted just looking at this. To be honest, I like the cape, but there’s only so many times I can see J.Lo do this shtick before I lose my fucking mind. And did every single element – including her fingernails – have to be the same shade of bedazzled bling? I may go blind if I look at this much longer.
gown by Valentino
I get it. If I were Claire’s breasts, I would want to run as far away from those earrings as possible too.
gown by Prada
Ruth Wilson always looks like the person next to her just farted.
gown by Mary Katrantzou
Thanks for trying something different, Kerry, but this risk did not pay off. This fabric isn’t just heavy, it’s tortured, and you look like you’re wearing the world’s tackiest couch.
MATTHEW MCCONAUGHEY and CAMILA ALVES
Matthew’s tuxedo by Dolce & Gabbana
Camila’s gown by Monique Lhuillier
I always look forward to what these two will bring to the red carpet, so imagine my disappointment when I saw… whatever the hell is happening here. He looks like a smarmy nightclub owner with a vicious coke habit, and she’s just wearing a very stiff towel.
Worst Dressed: KRISTEN WIIG
gown by Delphine Manivet
I swear, when she and Bill Hader came onstage to do their bit, I thought Kristen was wearing this dress as a joke. But apparently, no, her stylist is just operating under the mistaken belief that old lady nighties are appropriate for the red carpet.