Yes, I am aware that the Emmys were
a month ago twenty-six infinitely fatiguing news cycles ago. But since everyone I know has felt like they’re having a low-grade panic attack for the past week straight, don’t we deserve a little bit of mindless frivolity?
Best Dressed: SARAH PAULSON
gown by Prada
Sometimes Prada can go overboard with their embellishments (see: Lupita Nyong’o at the 2014 Met Gala), but when Miuccia gets it right, she gets it SO FUCKING RIGHT. What a perfect pairing of glamorously fascinating woman and fascinatingly glamorous gown. Also: those earrings didn’t come here to make friends, they came here to be NUMBER ONE. (And two.)
Runner-Up: ANGELA BASSETT
gown by Christian Siriano
The fit in the bust/waist could be a little bit better, but this is still magnificent. Perfect color, living for the cape sleeves, and the styling is flawless.
Honorable Mention: LAVERNE COX
gown by Naeem Khan, jewelry by Swarovski
I feel like half of my Honorable Mentions at awards shows go to the ladies who dressed up AS the awards. But dammit, it’s always a great move, and it looks particularly divine on Laverne. When your golden waves match your metallic lips and purse, I am staunchly on board.
gown by Sally LaPointe, jewelry by Fred Leighton
Chic and weird, which is one of my favorite red carpet combinations. Love the pose, the hair, and the bracelets.
gown by Valentino, jewelry by Forevermark
Romantic and delicate. I really love the unfinished lace straps combined with the diamond necklace. And I cannot overstate the total joy I feel whenever Sansa Stark is on a red carpet. I just want to hold her and cry, “we’re all going to be okay.” (Was that too real? Guys, it’s been a REALLY long week.)
dress by Zac Posen
Live feed of Olivia Culpa finally taking off her strapless push-up bra at the end of the night:
gown by Alexander Wang, jewelry by Forevermark, purse by Lee Savage
She’s cute as a button, but this is boxy and weirdly casual.
gown by Stéphane Rolland
Did I accidentally save all the “meh” dresses for the last post, or was this just an overall “meh” evening? Usually we can get at least halfway through the post before I really start tearing people apart. But, this is a box with a bedsheet tacked on. That is all.
She could have used one more fitting, but ugh, she is just such a delight. And not just because she plays half the women in my family on Transparent.
gown by Marchesa, jewelry by Harry Winston, purse by Tyler Elli
Fantastic color, but my enjoyment of this stops there. The matching lipstick was not a great addition, and the bracelet and purse make no sense at all.
gown by Wes Gordon, jewelry by Fred Leighton, shoes by Brian Atwood
She looks stunning, in the way that all beautiful women look stunning when you put them in a boring but flattering dress. The earrings are nice, but I can’t get too excited about this one.
I’m 28 years old. Tom Hiddleston is 35. And yet I still feel like I’m far too old to understand his appeal. How is that possible?
gown by Talbot Runhof
This could be the best dress at the Country Music Awards, but I’m not loving it for the Emmys. I’ll give Connie this much, though: it’s hard to criticize anyone with such perfect mermaid hair.
gown by Prabal Gurung, purse by Jimmy Choo
Oh, Mandy. I don’t know if it’s your Rachel Bilson-circa-2007 haircut, your insistence on wearing a shade of marigold that very much does not work for your coloring, or your penchant for drowning in ruffles, but this? This is not great.
gown by Giorgio Armani
I think your dress is on backwards.
gown by Zac Posen
TOO. MUCH. LOOK.
dress by Christian Siriano, jewelry by Fred Leighton
NOT. ENOUGH. LOOK.
gown by Atelier Versace, jewelry by Lorraine Schwartz
I can’t even go into too much detail on this horrible dress, hough someone owes us an explanation for these designs that are specifically created to look like you just burst open every seam on your gown. The human brain can only comprehend so much awfulness at one time, and I’m already at max capacity with that hair. In case you were hoping it looked better from the back:
It doesn’t. It really, REALLY doesn’t.
Put a fucking tie on and button your jacket, Aziz. Your PARENTS are here!
gown by Altuzarra
God bless Amanda Peet. She can always be counted on to bring the batshit crazy.
Worst Dressed: HEIDI KLUM
gown by Michael Kors
Congratulations, Heidi. I came here to escape everything in the media that infuriates me, but I forgot that Heidi Klum + a red carpet = me having a rage-induced stroke.