The derailed train that is the Met Gala continues.
Best Dressed: CLAIRE DANES
gown by Zac Posen
I know what you’re thinking. “But, Democracy Diva! You spent the whole last post shitting all over everyone who didn’t stick to theme! Sure, Claire Danes looks like a magical Disney princess, but what does that have to do with technology?” And in response, I bring you this same dress, in the dark:
She is Van Gogh’s Starry Night come to life. This is truly one of the most magnificent things I’ve ever seen. Mazel tov, Zac Posen, because this gown – organza woven with fiber optics – is genius. I urge you to watch Claire Danes twirl around in this on Zac’s instagram, because it will blow your fucking mind.
Runner-Up: LUPITA NYONG’O
gown by Calvin Klein
Honestly? The gown is not my favorite. The color is perfect on her, and the texture gives it a futuristic feel that works pretty well thematically, but it’s no woven fiber optics, or anything like that. But I think the gravity-defying hair alone warrants the second-place spot. Especially when Vogue cited Lupita’s hair inspiration as Audrey Hepburn and Lupita gave them a big old NOPE in response.
Honorable Mention: KATY PERRY
gown by Prada
I came away from the Met Gala red carpet remembering not much more than Lupita’s hair, Emma Watson, and this crazy fucking dress. Also, I am told there is a Tamagotchi hidden somewhere on her person. I think you win something if you can actually spot it! (I can’t.)
gown by Valentino, choker by Tiffany & Co.
The dress is only okay. And when I thought this photo just had a white line down the middle, I was ready to place Lily in the middle of the pack. Then I found a close-up of her makeup:
Suddenly she goes from basic starlet to serving artificially intelligent realness. And all she needed was a white line down her face. Tip your makeup artist extra, Lily. That queen is on your team.
suit by Louis Vuitton
I had written off the Smith kids as rich megalomaniacs ages ago, but DAMN, this kid knows how to do a theme party right.
gown by H&M
The silver hair, and the commitment to making this flapper gown look 22nd-century, totally sell this outfit for me.
coat and jumpsuit by Chanel, shoes by Christian Louboutin
Loving the general vibe, but I actually expected more from her.
gown by Proenza Schouler
Someone should tell her that Room is over and she doesn’t have to make that face anymore.
gown by Burberry, necklace by Messika
The cut of this is terrible, from the neckline to the mermaid skirt to the train. And that bolo-tie-looking necklace only makes things worse. The print complicates things further, and the hair and makeup are downright boring. Naomie can do SO much better.
gown by Derek Lam
Pretty, but for the Met Gala, that should be your floor, not your ceiling.
gown and purse by Tory Burch
She could have paired this with a Jane Jetson collar and totally sold me on it, but as is? Meh.
gown by Valentino
I could have loved this at another event – it’s a hell of a dress – but gold netting and quotations from Dante’s Divine Comedy don’t read as particularly technological to me. Digging the styling, though.
dress by Paco Rabanne, shoes by Francesco Russo
This is virtually indistinguishable from every fucking dress she’s ever worn.
SARAH JESSICA PARKER
suit by Monse, necklace by Fred Leighton
Apparently, SJP reads fashion blogs and got all furious when everyone hated on her for ignoring the theme. She released some statement about the technology used to create her oh-so-very-thematic outfit. And honestly, I think that misses the point entirely. Her outfit shouldn’t need a prepared statement in order for people to understand what it has to do with the theme. I’m not saying it has to be clear in a single photo what the theme is – Claire Danes’s dress wasn’t thematic until the lights went off and the fiber optics went KABLAM, and even though Emma Watson’s outfit looked kind of futuristic, you probably needed to know it was made of recycled plastic – but fashion is mostly a visual medium. It shouldn’t require too much backstory or explanation, though it can be enriched by those things. My point is, we’re not the idiots for not noticing what kind of machine applied the embellishments to your outfit, Sarah.
Also, if you want to look like you’re at a technology-themed event, stop dressing like Lin-Manuel Miranda’s understudy in Hamilton. It’s just confusing.
gown by Nina Ricci
Gloomy and uninspired.
gown, purse, and shoes by Alexander Wang
Well, she’s definitely trying!
gown by Chanel
So aggressively hideous, it has to be on purpose.
gown by Gucci
I didn’t really love this or hate this – until Florence turned around.
Is that a BEAR?! Fuck off, Florence. Even you, woodland faerie nymph that you are, are not whimsical enough to pull this off. And it at least should have been a robot bear.
gown by H&M, jewelry by David Webb, purse by Rauwolf
If I were in a bridesmaids’ dress as bad as this one, that’d be my expression too.
gown by Dolce & Gabbana
I usually fawn all over her weird shtick, but Kate actually looks like the renaissance threw up all over her.
Worst Dressed: MADONNA
gown by Givenchy
Back in my day, you went for the cut-out boobs OR the cut-out buttcheeks, not both. These kids today…