Welcome to the 2016 Met Gala!
This year’s theme was “Manus x Machina: Fashion in an Age of Technology.” Sadly, about half the attendees ignored the theme entirely, and 90% of the rest heard “technology” and thought, “I know – SILVER!” The basicness of this entire event was best summed up in this tweet:
— Chris Hanna (@Chris_Hanna) May 3, 2016
So, get ready for a sea of basicness (including one post reserved specifically for the most Basic of Bitches) and the very occasional interesting gown.
Best Dressed: EMMA WATSON
top, skirt, and pants by Calvin Klein
No, it’s not as glamorous as what we ordinarily think of when we think of the Met Gala. But Emma managed to pay extremely close attention to the theme – her clothes are made entirely out of recycled plastic bottles, and environmentally-friendly fashion is a fantastic spin on the theme. She looks cool, and weird, and surprising, and she would not have worn this to any other event but the Met Gala. Those are basically all the boxes I check when I’m looking for Best Dressed at this particular event. I’ll take something thoughtful and conversation-starting like this over a pretty gown any day of the week, but especially at an event where you can get away with anything, and the theme demands that you at least try.
Runner-Up: NICOLE KIDMAN
gown by Alexander McQueen
Serving evil space queen realness. On-point, on-theme, and on-brand for Nicole’s ice queen persona. See, you didn’t have to wear a robot suit to adhere to the theme. But you needed more than just “silver.” This evokes feelings of space-age technology, and her cape looks like someone wove it out of stars. That’s some beautiful shit right there. And let’s get a close-up on that tiara thingie:
If Princess Leia wore a tiara, it would be this one.
Honorable Mention: GIGI HADID and ZAYN MALIK
gown by Tommy Hilfiger; tuxedo by Versace
This is the first time I’ve ever cared about either of these people, so they clearly did their jobs. Gigi’s outfit isn’t my favorite, but I think it reflects the theme better than most (though, as you’ll see, that’s a VERY low bar). The real champion of the evening was Zayn, who was one of the only men on the red carpet to even attempt dressing for the theme. And I know Twitter mocked him ceaselessly for that robot arm, but they can all fuck off, because it was an absolutely BRILLIANT idea for this particular event.
gown by Dolce & Gabbana
Clearly one of the most beautiful gowns of all time. If anything about it recalled technology in any way, it would have gotten my top spot, easily. But she could have worn this to any major event, which automatically disqualifies it from the Best Dressed, because the Met Gala is ALL about the theme. (Or, it’s supposed to be. Otherwise, why have a fucking theme at all?) Regardless, I can still squee over the sheer stunning beauty of this incredible gown. And you need to fucking deal with this train:
This gives me chills. And I don’t even like trains.
gown by Brandon Maxwell
The more subtle nods to technology are visible here. The stiff sculpting of the dress (which looks almost like 3D-printing) and the light-up purse put Karlie miles ahead of the rest of her squad (most of whom landed in the Basic Bitches post). She really looks like she’s on a red carpet fifty years in the future, and I think that’s fucking great.
gown by Burberry
See, we’re only like six looks from the top of the post, and things are already starting to fall apart. This is very beautiful, and a clear winner compared to most of the red carpet, but I need something more than, “I know! I’ll wear an ass-ton of mirrors!” for a theme as broad and far-reaching as this one.
tuxedo by Dior
Okay, it has nothing to do with the theme, but that electric blue is INCREDIBLE, and he’s one of maybe three men who didn’t wear a basic black tux, so let’s give Rami some credit for that. Not sure black shoes were the way to go, but he is all-around delectable.
gown and purse by Ralph Lauren
Yes, we’ve already hit the “normal gown with one metal thing on it, because that counts as adhering to the theme, right?” portion of the evening. This is very beautiful and almost immediately forgettable.
gown by Michael Kors
Aight, I’ll give the third-trimester ladies a break. Most technology is heavy or uncomfortable to wear, and Emily is already carrying around an extra person everywhere she goes, so she gets a pass for just looking impeccably beautiful instead of technologically advanced.
gown by Giambattista Valli, purse by Roger Vivier, shoes by Oscar de la Renta
The dress is cute in a weird sort of way, but I couldn’t have told you the theme from looking at it if my life depended on it. And I swear to God, if I see that Roger Vivier purse one more time, I’m going to scream. I think it’s been at every major red carpet event for the last six years. I get it – it’s nice and it goes with everything – but seriously, if you have access to every clutch known to man, maybe you can retire this one.
tuxedo by Tom Ford
I think he’s wearing an Apple Watch, so I guess that’s something. Mostly this is here because Idris is a perfect human specimen.
gown by Thakoon, necklace by Tiffany & Co.
Elle Fanning looks a little bit like a very cute robot in everything she wears, but I’m not sure that actually counts as adhering to the theme. This is another for the “phenomenal for a different event, but not theme-y enough” list.
gown by Tommy Hilfiger
From the front, I found this boring, weirdly-cut, and ugly. And then I saw the rear view, which…
Because nothing says “tech” like ass cleavage, amirite?
That vaguely disgusted expression on Jenna Lyons’s face in the background? That’s pretty much exactly how I feel about this outfit. I expect much more from Ms. Seydoux.
gown by Moschino
I think this only ranks this high because I think Demi Lovato is cool. But I kind of hate everything about this.
dress by Louis Vuitton, bracelet by Cartier
Michelle, if you’re only going to hit the red carpet once a year, you REALLY need to try harder than this.
dress by Louis Vuitton
There were a shocking number of starlets who heard “technology” and thought, “I know – HIDEOUS BOOTS!” Your guess is as good as mine.
dress by Louis Vuitton
Jennifer Connelly’s look was already terrible. And Alicia Vikander somehow wore almost the same thing, but EVEN MORE HIDEOUS. And I love Alicia’s fashion risks, but this? No.
gown by Christopher Kane
I don’t even know what I’m looking at. Maybe I’m safer that way.
top, skirt, and purse by Louis Vuitton, shoes by Christian Louboutin
Truly one of the ugliest outfits I’ve ever seen. This was a triple-whammy: hideous, not nearly formal enough for the Met Gala, and not remotely related to the theme. Usually, even the tackier starlets can at least get one out of the three (beautiful, formal, or theme-adherent), but Miranda Kerr failed on all counts.
gown by Marc Jacobs, shoes by Gianvito Rossi
I don’t believe in “pregnancy brain,” but I think it’s pretty clear that there were a LOT of hormones involved in Kerry’s decision to wear Elvira’s pajamas to the Met Gala.
gown by Tory Burch, purse by Edie Parker
I hate so very many things about this, but the styling is a crime against humanity.
There’s much more Met Gala to come in Part 2, Part 3, and of course, the Basic Bitches post, so stay tuned!