Time is of the essence, divas. Let’s do the Grammys quick and dirty.. 

Best Dressed: BLUE IVY CARTER and JAY-Z
Blue Ivy’s suit and purse by Gucci

Blue Ivy cosplayed as Prince, and accessorized with a $2,000 purse shaped like a cat that was completely empty.

If that doesn’t deserve Best Dressed at the Grammys, what the fuck does?

Runner-Up: BEYONCÉ KNOWLES
gown by Peter Dundas

What a flawless outfit for a Grammys performance. Although, did Bey technically perform at the Grammys, or did she lead a spiritual revolution of sensuality and motherhood that will live on in my memory for all eternity?

BEYONCÉ KNOWLES
gown by Peter Dundas

Yes, she was robbed for album of the year, but look! She has twin Grammys, one for each of the future superheroes currently residing in her womb!

Honorable Mention: JASON DERULO
tuxedo by Dolce & Gabbana

Um, I fucking love this. Work that coat, honey.

ADELE
gown by Givenchy

Great look. Love that Adele is no longer married to that heavy old-Hollywood makeup/black gown combo. It was a solid look, but it got exhausting after awhile, so it’s nice to see her in something new and different.

ADELE
gown by Givenchy

She’s still in plenty of makeup, but for Adele, this was practically bare-faced, and she has never looked more beautiful. Love this print on her.

CHRISSY TEIGEN
gown by Roberto Cavalli

Glam and dark and delicious. I would have judged the wet-head look in a different context, but it’s perfect for the Grammys.

CARRIE UNDERWOOD
gown by Elie Madi

Too long, but the color and texture are divine.

LAVERNE COX
dress by Bryan Hearns, shoes by Stuart Weitzman

Classic Grammys wear, in that I would laugh at it in any other venue. But an LBD with metal embellishments that basically leaves your whole body hanging out? That shit is Grammys to a tee. Also, props on showing off the actual skin instead of illusion netting. Laverne slays.

CELINE DION
gown by Zuhair Murad

I’d always heard the drag scene in Emerald City was pretty great, but I never knew it for sure until now.

NICK JONAS
jacket by Balmain

Great jacket, pathetic excuse for a shirt.

SOLANGE KNOWLES
gown by Gucci

Literally no one else on earth could make this work. Even Solange only half-does.

SOLANGE KNOWLES
gown by Iris van Herpen, shoes by Stuart Weitzman

I don’t even know what I’m looking at, and I still like it. Is that normal? What is this strange power that all Knowles women have over me?

TORI KELLY
gown by Badgley Mischka, purse by Edie Parker

Aw, look at this little country star! This is a great color on her, even if the whole outfit feels way too sweet ‘n darlin’ for this particular venue.

RIHANNA
top and skirt by Armani, jewelry by Chopard

I would love to get to the point in my career where I can commission clothing custom-made to show off my tattoos. But I’d hope said clothing would be a little more interesting than a bedazzled sports bra and a skirt the size of a Car2Go.

LEA MICHELE
top and skirt by Roberto Cavalli

Unless you’re going for hot neon pink, or a dark shade far from your skin tone, PINK EYESHADOW DOES NOT WORK ON THE RED CARPET. YOU JUST LOOK SLEEPY AND SICKLY. EVERYONE STOP THIS RIGHT NOW.

JOHN LEGEND
suit by Gucci

It’s fine, but he could have had a little more fun with his outfit.

PARIS JACKSON
jumpsuit by Balmain, purse by Kotur

Just looking at her makes me feel very old, but I don’t actually hate this. I just recognize that I’m about a hundred years too old for it to be an aesthetic I can actually understand.

KATY PERRY
top and skirt by Tom Ford

Oof. No thank you.

LADY GAGA
jacket by Alex Ulichny

What am I even supposed to do with this? Can I justify a chest-less jacket? Of course not. But would I deny Gaga the right to go full leather and latex fantasy all over this red carpet? Not in a million years.

HEIDI KLUM
dress by Philipp Plein, shoes by Giuseppe Zanotti

This is actually far less hideous than most of what she’s worn in the last several years, but it’s also not interesting enough for me to give two shits about.

DEMI LOVATO
gown by Julien Macdonald

I’d be more intrigued by this if it hadn’t been worn by every woman in Taylor Swift’s squad like six times this year.

KATHARINE MCPHEE
gown by Thai Nguyen, shoes by Aldo

Forgettable.

TARAJI P. HENSON
dress by Marc Jacobs

Too tight and weirdly juvenile.

JENNIFER LOPEZ
gown by Ralph & Russo, shoes by Christian Louboutin

J.Lo hasn’t updated her wardrobe since 1997.

CHANCE THE RAPPER
suit by Thom Browne

Love the shoes. Everything else about this makes him look about eight years old.

CHARLI XCX
gown by Vivienne Westwood

Bunchy, ill-fitting, and weird.

Worst Dressed: HALSEY
top and pants by Christian Wijnants

NEVER. HALF-ASS. A TLC. HOMAGE. How fucking DARE you. You wanna do a TLC throwback lewk? You need to be on Tatianna from RuPaul’s Drag Race level.

SUCK IT, WHOEVER-YOU-ARE. TATIANNA DID IT SO MUCH BETTER.

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© Democracy Diva, 2017.
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