Met Gala 2017: Valiant Failures

A tribute to those who attempted the theme, took a leap of faith, and failed spectacularly.

Are you caught up on the rules? Good.

CAROLINE KENNEDY
gown by Comme des Garçons

caroline-kennedy

Photo: Justin Lane/EPA

I cannot explain the joy I feel, seeing the last surviving child of JFK and Jackie O hit the Met Gala in something so on-theme that it’s actually painful to look at. This is one of the most spectacular failures I’ve ever witnessed. Caroline does not appear to have legs of any kind. Her feet are dangling out from that dress like someone dropped a house on her. The traditional, straight-laced styling is an almost hilarious juxtaposition to the epicenter of weirdness that is her dress. God bless you, Caroline. Thank you for giving bored fashion bloggers something to talk about.

LENA DUNHAM
gown by Elizabeth Kennedy

Photo: Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty

From this angle, I was willing to put this in the “Well… Almost!” post, for those who aimed for the theme and nearly succeeded. The hair is a dealbreaker, but I thought the rest of this almost worked, until I saw it from another angle:

050117-met-gala-2017-lena-dunham

Photo: Neilson Barnard/Getty

That’s when I realized this dress was made with no consideration for the woman wearing it. She’s not actually wearing this dress at all – she’s living inside it, like it’s a house. I’ve certainly seen New York City studios with less square footage.

NICKI MINAJ
gown by H&M

050117-met-gala-2017-nicki-minaj

Photo: Neilson Barnard/Getty

Props for wearing Rei Kawakubo’s face as a belt, but the rest of this feels like she raided the dressing room at a cheap drag show.

ROSE BYRNE
gown by Ralph Lauren, purse by Edie Parker

Photo: PeopleStyleWatch

Volume is great! Proportions are cool! I’m here for weirdness! But even I have to draw the line somewhere, and I draw it at that hair. At least on her. Or without a similarly-proportioned skirt that’s like, thirty feet wide.

EVAN RACHEL WOOD
gown and pants by Altuzarra, jewelry by Fred Leighton

Photo: Jamie McCarthy/FilmMagic

Evan, I ADORE you. But you look like Kristen Stewart on those days when she gives WAY too few fucks.

HALEY BENNETT
gown by Dolce & Gabbana

Photo: David Fisher/Rex/Shutterstock

I’m not sure this was the theme to pull out your Chiquita Banana couture, but, more power to ya!

DAKOTA JOHNSON
gown by Gucci, jewelry by Cartier

Photo: Neilson Barnard/Getty

You need to have some serious It Factor to pull off whatever the hell is happening on that skirt. And Dakota… does not have it.

CYNTHIA ERIVO
gown and purse by Thom Browne

Mary J. Blige

Photo: Evan Agostini/Invision/AP

This one also nearly made it into the “Well… Almost! post, until I realized she’s essentially wearing very fussy curtains.

MARY-KATE OLSEN and ASHLEY OLSEN

050117-met-gala-2017-mary-kate-ashley-olsen

Photo: John Shearer/Getty

Are we sure these two aren’t eccentric recluses? Like, we’re POSITIVE they aren’t Little Edie and Big Edie?

CELINE DION
gown by Versace, jewelry by Bulgari

050117-met-gala-2017-celine-dion

Photo: Neilson Barnard/Getty

I LOVE that Celine came to play. She’s clearly having a blast. That eyeliner obscures the fact that she has eyes at all, and Sarah Jessica Parker wants her tacky headpiece back, but go on, girl.

RITA ORA
gown by Marchesa

Photo: Neilson Barnard/Getty

Is that what Cabbage Patch Kids look like before they grow yarn-hair?

MADONNA
gown by Moschino

Photo: John Shearer/Getty

Divinely hideous.

ASHLEY GRAHAM
gown by H&M, jewelry by Piaget

Photo: Neilson Barnard/Getty

Sue H&M for what they did to you, Ashley.

JEMIMA KIRKE
gown by Chanel

Photo: Jamie McCarthy/FilmMagic

We already have one Chloë Sevigny. Do we really need another?

KERI RUSSELL
suit by Rag & Bone, jewelry by David Webb, purse by Lee Savage

Photo: Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty

I demand an explanation for why Keri Russell is cosplaying as a sad clown at a wedding.

Need more Met Gala realness? Catch up!


© Democracy Diva, 2017.
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