2014 MTV Movie Awards

Welcome to the MTV Movie Awards, where stars I’ve never heard try to out-hideous each other on the red carpet!

dress by Chanel, shoes by Casadei

Photo: Michael Buckner/Getty

Did nobody tell Lupita that she’s way too talented and famous to actually have to show up at an event like this? Darling, you have an Oscar. You no longer need to rub shoulders with Z-listers at MTV events. But I’m so very glad you did, because your appearance brought this absolutely insane little Chanel get-up into all of our lives. This funky abstract Fall 2014 dress was my red carpet prediction for Elle Fanning, who is one of the only other women alive who could have pulled this off. But three cheers for Lupita, bringing some desperately needed fun to this red carpet, and rocking the shit out of those aqua pumps, which would look virtually insane on anyone else.

top, skirt, and shoes by Balmain

Photo: Christopher Polk/Getty

Chic, fun, and event-appropriate. I’m still not buying Shailene Woodley as any sort of fashion icon, because half the time, she’s barefoot or wearing those weird athletic toe-sneaker things under her couture gowns. But even if her stylist forced her into this get-up, it’s working for her. The color, fit, and silhouette are made for her. And I hate overly chunky black shoes as a rule, but even I can admit they work damn well here.

suit and shoes by Saint Laurent

Photo: Jeff Kravitz/FilmMagic

The purse and shoes seem to have been stolen from a completely different outfit, but that sparkly suit is so fucking awesome, I can’t bring myself to care. There have been some seriously fabulous Saint Laurent suits on the red carpet recently, and this is no exception. And the styling might be a little bit random, but at least it’s not dull, which is more than I can say for half the attendees at this event.

gown by Juan Carlos Obando

Photo: Rex

Leslie Mann’s The Other Woman press tour has been less than fabulous, but she’s bringing back her old fierceness with this polka-dot gown. I love her in prints, and the orange sandals are cheeky and cute. The hair and makeup aren’t as flattering as they could be, but overall, I’m satisfied.

gown by Alexander McQueen

Photo: Rex

I don’t even know how to react to this. Is Nicki on some sort of new drug, or did she stop taking some of her old ones? How is it possible that the woman best known for accessorizing with a pope is now wearing basic black? She looks about a zillion times better than I ever imagined she could look. She managed to pile on the chunky gold accessories to bring a little interest to an otherwise basic dress. I love the eyeliner, the necklace, and her phenomenal McQueen-covered hips.

dress by Atelier Versace, purse by Edie Parker, shoes by Brian Atwood

Photo: Axelle/Bauer-Griffin

This dress is a tiny bit dated – I feel like everyone and their mother wore this dress on the red carpet about two years ago – but it’s working pretty well on whoever the hell Victoria Justice is. I could have sworn this was a Pretty Little Liar, or Selena Gomez, but apparently she is none of the above, and I’m a thousand years old. Well, whoever the hell you are, this is actually cute and event-appropriate, so congrats!

dress by Pamella Roland

Photo: Rex

The pancake makeup is a bit overwhelming, but this is a great take on the little black dress. Unlike most thirty-something actresses who show up at events mostly populated by teenagers, she doesn’t look like she’s desperate for attention. Mrs. Channing Tatum is looking downright classy, which I didn’t even know was possible at the MTV Movie Awards.

dress by Fyodor Golan, shoes by Henri Lepore Dezert

Photo: Jeff Kravitz/FilmMagic

Not particularly memorable, but the silhouette is great. The neckline and tummy cut-out make her look like a fashionista from a thousand years in the future. But hopefully, in 3014, celebrities will finally stop wearing nude pumps when they have access to every shoe in the galaxy.

dress by Ulyana Sergeenko, shoes by Christian Louboutin

Photo: Kevin Mazur/WireImage

It’s a bit too saccharine for my taste – even a pair of black shiny Loubs can’t undo the unreasonable girliness of this dress. Don’t get me wrong, girly has its place in fashion, but sweet and innocent doesn’t work particularly well at MTV events. Chrissy, your husband makes music that an entire generation of people have sex to. I bet you could go a little more wild with your wardrobe than this.

gown by Emporio Armani, shoes by Jimmy Choo

Photo: Kevin Mazur/WireImage

This is instantly forgettable, poorly fit, and not remotely event-appropriate, but it’s about a hundred fifty thousand times better than anything Ellie Goulding has ever worn, so I guess I’ll give her a pass.

dress by Emanuel Ungaro, shoes by Christian Louboutin

Photo: Jeff Kravitz/FilmMagic

That slit is stupid. Can you imagine how fantastic this look would be without that awkward, poorly-proportioned, up-to-the-vag slit? Come on, Zendaya. I don’t know who the fuck you are, but I know you can do better than this.

top by Piece d’Anarchive, skirt by Kenzo, purse by Narciso Rodriguez, shoes by Jimmy Choo

Photo: Steve Granitz/WireImage

No part of this outfit actually works with the rest of this outfit. And haven’t we seen Jessica Alba in about six thousand versions of this look already? Give us something new to criticize, please.

jumpsuit by Rachel Zoe, shoes by Aperlai

Photo: Axelle/Bauer-Griffin

Two questions: Who? And why?

dress and purse by Salvatore Ferragamo, shoes by Brian Atwood

Photo: Axelle/Bauer-Griffin

This color is a disaster, and the fit isn’t much better. Also, Barbie called, and she is fucking pissed that you stole her favorite shoes.

dress by Versace, shoes by Jimmy Choo

Photo: Rex

This color is not Bella’s friend, particularly when combined with that hair color. And overall, the asymmetry of this dress just looks pretty fucking stupid. But that could just be the expression on her face.

dress by Thakoon

Photo: Jordan Strauss/Invision/AP

Pregnancy is not an excuse to wear boring shit. Go crazy with all the loose-fitting garments you can find, Mila, but give me something just a little more interesting than this, okay?

gown by Barbara Casasola

Photo: Jeff Kravitz/FilmMagic

The least flattering neckline in the history of necklines. It’s a shame, because this could have been Rita’s best look yet, but the silhouette is kind of stupid, and everything else about this dress is downright dull.

dress and shoes by John Galliano

Photo: Rex

Those shoes are a crime against humanity. They might be the most offensive thing John Galliano has ever done, and we all know that’s saying something.

© Democracy Diva, 2014.
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